I (23M) have problems improving myself if it’s not for someone else.

Throwaway because this is a pretty sensitive topic for me... I find it really hard to motivate myself to do anything if it’s not from the validation of other people (friends, family, love interests etc.) or for someone else.

I feel like I can do anything I want, really, but I almost need to be watched or have the approval of someone else to feel validated in doing it. I struggle with the notion of being valued by my own self-perceptions. Call it low self-esteem or whatever, but I find it so hard to just motivate myself if I’m not doing it for something or someone. For example, when I think of my career path in life, I think to myself that I want to be “successful” so that I can provide a comfortable lifestyle for my mother (63F) who made a million sacrifices for me. When I think about shaping up and losing weight, cutting back on the drinking, or in general being a more upstanding, stable person, I think of a friend of mine I’ve had feeling these past five years for (23F). We have a complicated past. When I think of having emotional resilience and being a strong man in general, I think that I want to be like my brother (31M). But when I think that, “I should do x thing for myself and only my personal development” I am decidedly unmotivated.

Does anyone else struggle with this or have some insight they’d like to share?

TL/DR: I can’t get myself to do things to better my life without it being noticed or for others.



Submitted May 22, 2020 at 12:15AM

Throwaway because this is a pretty sensitive topic for me... I find it really hard to motivate myself to do anything if it’s not from the validation of other people (friends, family, love interests etc.) or for someone else.I feel like I can do anything I want, really, but I almost need to be watched or have the approval of someone else to feel validated in doing it. I struggle with the notion of being valued by my own self-perceptions. Call it low self-esteem or whatever, but I find it so hard to just motivate myself if I’m not doing it for something or someone. For example, when I think of my career path in life, I think to myself that I want to be “successful” so that I can provide a comfortable lifestyle for my mother (63F) who made a million sacrifices for me. When I think about shaping up and losing weight, cutting back on the drinking, or in general being a more upstanding, stable person, I think of a friend of mine I’ve had feeling these past five years for (23F). We have a complicated past. When I think of having emotional resilience and being a strong man in general, I think that I want to be like my brother (31M). But when I think that, “I should do x thing for myself and only my personal development” I am decidedly unmotivated.Does anyone else struggle with this or have some insight they’d like to share?TL/DR: I can’t get myself to do things to better my life without it being noticed or for others.
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