Why doesn't my boyfriend orgasm? Why doesn't it bother him? I am sad and don't know what to do.

My (fairly new) boyfriend gets hard and stays hard, goes a long time, focuses on my pleasure. We are in our 40's and I don't take any of that for granted. He is attentive to me, and turns me on. But more than half the time we have sex, he doesn't cum. He just gets tired and quits. He says it's not me, that he's always been that way. He has never seen a doc about it, and doesn't want to. Increasingly, it is taking away from my pleasure. It's good for me during, but after, I miss the intimacy that comes with mutual satisfaction. I often lie there feeling really sad. The whole thing is also undercutting my sexual confidence, which is something I've never been lacking. When I ask him what I can do - he says there's nothing. I'm beginning to think it's a compatibility issue that can't be resolved. I've discussed it with him gently, more than once. He brushes it off. I need some honest perspective and non-judgy advice. Please don't shame me for bringing this here. I'm confused and don't know what to do.

Submitted April 14, 2020 at 12:02AM

My (fairly new) boyfriend gets hard and stays hard, goes a long time, focuses on my pleasure. We are in our 40's and I don't take any of that for granted. He is attentive to me, and turns me on. But more than half the time we have sex, he doesn't cum. He just gets tired and quits. He says it's not me, that he's always been that way. He has never seen a doc about it, and doesn't want to. Increasingly, it is taking away from my pleasure. It's good for me during, but after, I miss the intimacy that comes with mutual satisfaction. I often lie there feeling really sad. The whole thing is also undercutting my sexual confidence, which is something I've never been lacking. When I ask him what I can do - he says there's nothing. I'm beginning to think it's a compatibility issue that can't be resolved. I've discussed it with him gently, more than once. He brushes it off. I need some honest perspective and non-judgy advice. Please don't shame me for bringing this here. I'm confused and don't know what to do.