I’ve (32f) been a lifelong commitmentphobe but really think I’ve met the one (29m). We’re currently just friends. What do I do now?

When we first met, there was a real chance of us dating. He indicated clear interest but because of some unresolved fears on my part, I pushed him decisively into friendship territory. It was immaturely done but I hadn’t done a lot of the work I’m now doing. To clarify, he’s very marriage-minded.

We remained good friends and I think he would still be interested but I honestly do not currently have any of the skills to steer something into relationship territory. I don’t want to lapse into playing games but I also don’t know what to say. We also share a close friendship circle and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for either of us. Lockdown also means that communication will be via tech for a while.

I didn’t realise how deeply afraid of rejection I am. Not so much at the surface level. But when it’s someone I really care about.

Any advice is appreciated.



Submitted April 22, 2020 at 11:48PM

When we first met, there was a real chance of us dating. He indicated clear interest but because of some unresolved fears on my part, I pushed him decisively into friendship territory. It was immaturely done but I hadn’t done a lot of the work I’m now doing. To clarify, he’s very marriage-minded.We remained good friends and I think he would still be interested but I honestly do not currently have any of the skills to steer something into relationship territory. I don’t want to lapse into playing games but I also don’t know what to say. We also share a close friendship circle and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable for either of us. Lockdown also means that communication will be via tech for a while.I didn’t realise how deeply afraid of rejection I am. Not so much at the surface level. But when it’s someone I really care about.Any advice is appreciated.
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