Is it bad to seperate sex from love and relationships?

Now let me preface this by saying Im a 23yo guy and Ive never had a relationship or sex but someone pointed this out to me and now I feel like Im genuinely insane.

So whenever I have a crush on or am actually in love with a girl I just do not sexualise her as much, the occasional wank thinking about her involves more focusing on her voice, and whenever I talk or think about her I describe her as cute or sweet and other more endearing and innocent things, never as hot or sexy, and that’s when I realised it.

Sex isn’t a part of love for me, love is something that makes you comfortable enough to have sex, they are otherwise unconnected, love is something pure and in your head and gut where as sex is in your body and the deep need to reproduce and feel please, for example:As much as I fantasize about it I couldnt really sleep with that insanely hot chick I went to highschool with, if I could do it sober with anyone it would have to be my best friend who I trust and love enough to be so intimate with. Which is almost kinda paradoxical since without the intimacy of actually doing it it’s just completely loveless, that’s why Im happy to show random women online how I jack off but can’t bring myself to even use a term more inapropriate than “sleeping with” when I talk about someone I really like. Even if I found a girl that likes me and started a relationship I couldnt sleep with her for months, until Im comfortable, I was told by friends (including a girl that I kinda fancy a little bit which was absolutely soul crushing) that that would doom any relationship I would ever have....

So is it really that bad? Should I try to reconcile sex with love? If so how? Am I just completely fucked?



Submitted April 21, 2020 at 12:02AM

Now let me preface this by saying Im a 23yo guy and Ive never had a relationship or sex but someone pointed this out to me and now I feel like Im genuinely insane.So whenever I have a crush on or am actually in love with a girl I just do not sexualise her as much, the occasional wank thinking about her involves more focusing on her voice, and whenever I talk or think about her I describe her as cute or sweet and other more endearing and innocent things, never as hot or sexy, and that’s when I realised it.Sex isn’t a part of love for me, love is something that makes you comfortable enough to have sex, they are otherwise unconnected, love is something pure and in your head and gut where as sex is in your body and the deep need to reproduce and feel please, for example:As much as I fantasize about it I couldnt really sleep with that insanely hot chick I went to highschool with, if I could do it sober with anyone it would have to be my best friend who I trust and love enough to be so intimate with. Which is almost kinda paradoxical since without the intimacy of actually doing it it’s just completely loveless, that’s why Im happy to show random women online how I jack off but can’t bring myself to even use a term more inapropriate than “sleeping with” when I talk about someone I really like. Even if I found a girl that likes me and started a relationship I couldnt sleep with her for months, until Im comfortable, I was told by friends (including a girl that I kinda fancy a little bit which was absolutely soul crushing) that that would doom any relationship I would ever have....So is it really that bad? Should I try to reconcile sex with love? If so how? Am I just completely fucked?
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