I feel like my relationship is going to become abusive

I wanted to write this to get some other opinions on my relationship. I’m starting to wonder if my relationship is bordering on abusive but I find it hard to not convince myself that I’m overreacting.

My fiancé (male, 21) and I (Female, 19)have been together for a year. We dated for awhile then broke up, I dumped him because he proposed to me then changed his mind and completely checked out of the relationship rather than telling me he didn’t want to get married, he just started acting unkindly towards me. We got back together awhile after that. Things have been good, but I always feel like he doesn’t respect me.

Sometimes I try to tell him about my day or about something that happened and he will just give me a sarcastic response basically insinuating that he is uninterested. He says he’s joking right after but I never feel like he is. I never feel like I can have a conversation with him because he usually doesn’t listen. He talks to me like a kid. The other day I came into our bedroom after work, took off my uniform top, and laid it on the bed. And he immidiately started rudely getting on me for it saying “What is this?? Don’t just leave that on the bed!! You’re gonna wrinkle your uniform; that looks disgusting!” He did the same thing when I set my towel on the bed after taking a shower, he started scolding me like a child for it. Or if I step out of the shower and get a little water on the floor he will scold me and tell me not to come out of the bathroom till I dry off.

He tries to tell me how to drive, tell me where to park, and constantly tells me I’m a bad driver. He insults me for having social anxiety, telling me I’m gonna have to “get over it” and gets mad at me for being too anxious to hang out with his friends. Recently one of his friends texted me from his phone and asked to have a three some with me, rather than correcting his friend for being disrespectful, and defending me, he got mad at me for being upset about it. Keep in mind, this is his same friend who has Called me a bitch to my fiancé’s face (he didn’t scold his friend for that either) he also told my fiancé I “look like the type to do anal” (which he didn’t scold him for). My fiancé tells me I’m “holding a grudge” when I tell him I don’t want to be around this friend because of These things. I just don’t want to be talked about like that. I want to be respected.

I’m now being forced to live in an apartment with this friend because my fiancé refused to believe that what his friend said is wrong, and just tells me his friend was “looking out for him” by saying I was a bitch. I’ve asked him to get rid of this friend, but I guess I’m not important enough to him for him to do that. I genuinely feel like a child, like I can’t come up and have a conversation with him. He is really sweet at times and acts super caring most of the time, but he also does the things I mentioned which makes me wonder if that’s an act to keep me from leaving.

Recently he’s started making jokes about how he’s going to “beat me when we’re married” and that things are gonna “only get worse” after I marry him. and will pretend he’s gonna slap me. I know he’s joking but sometimes I wonder if he isn’t. Sometimes we will play fight and he gets way too into it and almost seems to get off on slapping me, even if it is just playful.

TL;DR I could be interpreting him joking around the wrong way, I’m not sure. I want things to work so bad, and we have a lot of good times. I’m just scared things will go bad.

Submitted April 06, 2020 at 12:17AM

I wanted to write this to get some other opinions on my relationship. I’m starting to wonder if my relationship is bordering on abusive but I find it hard to not convince myself that I’m overreacting.My fiancé (male, 21) and I (Female, 19)have been together for a year. We dated for awhile then broke up, I dumped him because he proposed to me then changed his mind and completely checked out of the relationship rather than telling me he didn’t want to get married, he just started acting unkindly towards me. We got back together awhile after that. Things have been good, but I always feel like he doesn’t respect me.Sometimes I try to tell him about my day or about something that happened and he will just give me a sarcastic response basically insinuating that he is uninterested. He says he’s joking right after but I never feel like he is. I never feel like I can have a conversation with him because he usually doesn’t listen. He talks to me like a kid. The other day I came into our bedroom after work, took off my uniform top, and laid it on the bed. And he immidiately started rudely getting on me for it saying “What is this?? Don’t just leave that on the bed!! You’re gonna wrinkle your uniform; that looks disgusting!” He did the same thing when I set my towel on the bed after taking a shower, he started scolding me like a child for it. Or if I step out of the shower and get a little water on the floor he will scold me and tell me not to come out of the bathroom till I dry off.He tries to tell me how to drive, tell me where to park, and constantly tells me I’m a bad driver. He insults me for having social anxiety, telling me I’m gonna have to “get over it” and gets mad at me for being too anxious to hang out with his friends. Recently one of his friends texted me from his phone and asked to have a three some with me, rather than correcting his friend for being disrespectful, and defending me, he got mad at me for being upset about it. Keep in mind, this is his same friend who has Called me a bitch to my fiancé’s face (he didn’t scold his friend for that either) he also told my fiancé I “look like the type to do anal” (which he didn’t scold him for). My fiancé tells me I’m “holding a grudge” when I tell him I don’t want to be around this friend because of These things. I just don’t want to be talked about like that. I want to be respected.I’m now being forced to live in an apartment with this friend because my fiancé refused to believe that what his friend said is wrong, and just tells me his friend was “looking out for him” by saying I was a bitch. I’ve asked him to get rid of this friend, but I guess I’m not important enough to him for him to do that. I genuinely feel like a child, like I can’t come up and have a conversation with him. He is really sweet at times and acts super caring most of the time, but he also does the things I mentioned which makes me wonder if that’s an act to keep me from leaving.Recently he’s started making jokes about how he’s going to “beat me when we’re married” and that things are gonna “only get worse” after I marry him. and will pretend he’s gonna slap me. I know he’s joking but sometimes I wonder if he isn’t. Sometimes we will play fight and he gets way too into it and almost seems to get off on slapping me, even if it is just playful.TL;DR I could be interpreting him joking around the wrong way, I’m not sure. I want things to work so bad, and we have a lot of good times. I’m just scared things will go bad.