My flatmate doesn't want me to have sex if she's home

This is long so thanks to those who read it

I (24F) have lived with Jenny (34F) for about 4 months now and we used to work together. Things have mostly been fine and I thought we were getting along quite well but we are in a huge fight right now and it's causing me a lot of stress. We both are single but have FWB situations. We always tell each other if someone is coming over later, FWB or regular friends.

The problem started the other day when she had her FWB (Andy, 27M) over to our place. They were hanging out in the living room when I left for about 10 minutes to take my dog outside. When I came back in I walked in on Jenny running out of her room to check on what she was cooking, she was topless and Andy was waiting in her room. I was really shocked and kind of automatically said "oh my god".

Normally this really wouldn't annoy me at all but a few weeks previously I had my FWB (Mitch, 30) over and Jenny was not home at the time. We were being a little loud but when I became aware that Jenny had come home we stopped being loud and I apologized to Jenny for the noise when I saw her later. I should also mention that I put a rolled towel against the door and put music on to muffle the noise even when she wasn't home. This was also the first time that Mitch came over to my place because he just moved back in with his parents. A couple weeks later he was over again and we were just talking in my room when Jenny sends me a text saying "I'll be home at 11, please have your sex before then". I didn't really appreciate it but I brushed it off because Mitch and I didn't have sex that night.

So now I feel like it's a double standard for her to ask me to have sex only while shes gone but Andy can come over whenever? She then tells me that it's not a double standard, the issue was how loud Mitch and I were on that one night. I tell her that's reasonable and I would definitely be more quiet while she's there. Well then she says it's an issue of hearing any noise at all happening because of sex and I should schedule sexy time for when she's going to be gone. I don't think this is reasonable. It also came out that she just doesn't like Mitch (they had met before while Jenny and I worked together). I don't really care if she does though, he and I pretty much hang out in my room and she told me that she's literally counted how many times he's been over. 6 times in 4 months. In the last week and a half alone she's had 3 different friends come hang out until around 10 pm on different days. A different friend came to visit and stayed the night for 2 nights. And then Andy came over.

We do tell each other when someone is coming but it's never like "hey is it cool to have someone over today". We both agreed that quiet hours are 11:30-8 am and Mitch has never been here past 11. The last time Andy came over he brought a friend and we were all hanging out playing games, I went to the bathroom and came back to find just Andy's friend while he and I could hear Jenny and Andy going at it.

I'm totally happy to make a list of reasonable boundaries but they need to apply to both of us equally. I feel like the goalposts keep shifting and she's asking me for things she's not willing to do herself.

TL;DR: My roommate is offended by hearing any kind of indication that I'm having sex in my own room but won't be reasonable about expectations

Submitted March 26, 2020 at 12:15AM

This is long so thanks to those who read itI (24F) have lived with Jenny (34F) for about 4 months now and we used to work together. Things have mostly been fine and I thought we were getting along quite well but we are in a huge fight right now and it's causing me a lot of stress. We both are single but have FWB situations. We always tell each other if someone is coming over later, FWB or regular friends.The problem started the other day when she had her FWB (Andy, 27M) over to our place. They were hanging out in the living room when I left for about 10 minutes to take my dog outside. When I came back in I walked in on Jenny running out of her room to check on what she was cooking, she was topless and Andy was waiting in her room. I was really shocked and kind of automatically said "oh my god".Normally this really wouldn't annoy me at all but a few weeks previously I had my FWB (Mitch, 30) over and Jenny was not home at the time. We were being a little loud but when I became aware that Jenny had come home we stopped being loud and I apologized to Jenny for the noise when I saw her later. I should also mention that I put a rolled towel against the door and put music on to muffle the noise even when she wasn't home. This was also the first time that Mitch came over to my place because he just moved back in with his parents. A couple weeks later he was over again and we were just talking in my room when Jenny sends me a text saying "I'll be home at 11, please have your sex before then". I didn't really appreciate it but I brushed it off because Mitch and I didn't have sex that night.So now I feel like it's a double standard for her to ask me to have sex only while shes gone but Andy can come over whenever? She then tells me that it's not a double standard, the issue was how loud Mitch and I were on that one night. I tell her that's reasonable and I would definitely be more quiet while she's there. Well then she says it's an issue of hearing any noise at all happening because of sex and I should schedule sexy time for when she's going to be gone. I don't think this is reasonable. It also came out that she just doesn't like Mitch (they had met before while Jenny and I worked together). I don't really care if she does though, he and I pretty much hang out in my room and she told me that she's literally counted how many times he's been over. 6 times in 4 months. In the last week and a half alone she's had 3 different friends come hang out until around 10 pm on different days. A different friend came to visit and stayed the night for 2 nights. And then Andy came over.We do tell each other when someone is coming but it's never like "hey is it cool to have someone over today". We both agreed that quiet hours are 11:30-8 am and Mitch has never been here past 11. The last time Andy came over he brought a friend and we were all hanging out playing games, I went to the bathroom and came back to find just Andy's friend while he and I could hear Jenny and Andy going at it.I'm totally happy to make a list of reasonable boundaries but they need to apply to both of us equally. I feel like the goalposts keep shifting and she's asking me for things she's not willing to do herself.TL;DR: My roommate is offended by hearing any kind of indication that I'm having sex in my own room but won't be reasonable about expectations