I'm (18F) absolutely terrified of my ex (20M) and I have no idea what to do.

Backstory: About a year ago I started dating a guy who I hadn't previously known for that long. Our relationship lasted only around 3 months, and we broke up on pretty good terms. The guy had a history of violent crimes (like real nightmare material), but when we were dating he had never acted violent towards me. Also, shortly after the break up I began dating another guy (20M), who I'm still together with.

The first time that my ex started acting crazy was maybe a week after I started dating my current SO. He started sending me messages, insulting me out of nowhere. Like really bad insults and I was crying, but in my response messages I acted like I wasn't bothered. Maybe a week after that he contacted me again to apologize. I accepted his apology and we were on good(ish) terms again.

He knew that I had a boyfriend, but he would still sometimes message sexual things to me. I mostly ignored it and left it on read. Sometimes he would still be a decent guy and act like a friend to me, and I would tell him about stuff happening in my life. I told him about an overnight event which I would be attending in the city he lived in, and he didn't really say anything alarming about that.

When the event was going on, he started messaging me really sexual things and he suggested to me that I should come to meet up with him (he lived on the other side of the big city). When I declined and started ignoring him, the sexual messages turned into threats of r*pe. He started calling me repeatedly, and I ignored it. I was feeling like crap so I called my best friend (19M), who lives in the same city as my ex, to come see me. We met up and he mentioned seeing my ex near the area we were at, with a group of other guys.

Long story short, after my best friend left, my ex and the other guys showed up at the building I was in, and my ex kept sending me threatening messages and trying to call me. One of the hosts of the event knew my ex and knew that he was an actual threat, so they locked down the whole building because of him and I was escorted to the bus station, where I had to go back to my own city. I had called my SO in advance so he was there waiting for me, and the person escorting me didn't let me out of his sight before we saw my SO.

After that my ex still tried frequently contacting me, and I blocked him everywhere. For a while afterwards, I got strange calls from unknown numbers, but now they've all stopped. Literally today, almost a year ago after we broke up, I unblocked him on instagram to check something and I forgot to reblock him. Not even an hour after that, he had sent me a follow request out of nowhere.

I'm honestly so scared of him because I know what he's capable of doing. I know that I'm not overreacting because a lot of people are afraid of him, even people who were never involved with him on the same level as I was. I don't want to talk about my feelings to my SO, because every time I previously did so, I could see him getting sad and angry (not at me, but like I don't want to worry him again because he has enough stress in his life already).

Also, I don't live in the US and don't know about the restraining order requirements there, but in my country you can't get one of those unless theres proof of physical harm that person inflicted on you. I know that my ex had the intention of (gang?) r*ping me, but he never got to go through with it, so there is no physical evidence of that.

So, I really need your advice. What should I do? I feel like I have some kind of PTSD from him, for example sometimes when I'm going to school I get scared because I start to think that what if he's somewhere near by, waiting for me. Every time I see a person who even slightly resembles him I have a near panic attack.

tl;dr: I'm scared of my ex who has a history of violent crime, I'm not eligible for a restraining order against him and I have absolutely no idea what to do



Submitted March 26, 2020 at 12:11AM

Backstory: About a year ago I started dating a guy who I hadn't previously known for that long. Our relationship lasted only around 3 months, and we broke up on pretty good terms. The guy had a history of violent crimes (like real nightmare material), but when we were dating he had never acted violent towards me. Also, shortly after the break up I began dating another guy (20M), who I'm still together with.The first time that my ex started acting crazy was maybe a week after I started dating my current SO. He started sending me messages, insulting me out of nowhere. Like really bad insults and I was crying, but in my response messages I acted like I wasn't bothered. Maybe a week after that he contacted me again to apologize. I accepted his apology and we were on good(ish) terms again.He knew that I had a boyfriend, but he would still sometimes message sexual things to me. I mostly ignored it and left it on read. Sometimes he would still be a decent guy and act like a friend to me, and I would tell him about stuff happening in my life. I told him about an overnight event which I would be attending in the city he lived in, and he didn't really say anything alarming about that.When the event was going on, he started messaging me really sexual things and he suggested to me that I should come to meet up with him (he lived on the other side of the big city). When I declined and started ignoring him, the sexual messages turned into threats of r*pe. He started calling me repeatedly, and I ignored it. I was feeling like crap so I called my best friend (19M), who lives in the same city as my ex, to come see me. We met up and he mentioned seeing my ex near the area we were at, with a group of other guys.Long story short, after my best friend left, my ex and the other guys showed up at the building I was in, and my ex kept sending me threatening messages and trying to call me. One of the hosts of the event knew my ex and knew that he was an actual threat, so they locked down the whole building because of him and I was escorted to the bus station, where I had to go back to my own city. I had called my SO in advance so he was there waiting for me, and the person escorting me didn't let me out of his sight before we saw my SO.After that my ex still tried frequently contacting me, and I blocked him everywhere. For a while afterwards, I got strange calls from unknown numbers, but now they've all stopped. Literally today, almost a year ago after we broke up, I unblocked him on instagram to check something and I forgot to reblock him. Not even an hour after that, he had sent me a follow request out of nowhere.I'm honestly so scared of him because I know what he's capable of doing. I know that I'm not overreacting because a lot of people are afraid of him, even people who were never involved with him on the same level as I was. I don't want to talk about my feelings to my SO, because every time I previously did so, I could see him getting sad and angry (not at me, but like I don't want to worry him again because he has enough stress in his life already).Also, I don't live in the US and don't know about the restraining order requirements there, but in my country you can't get one of those unless theres proof of physical harm that person inflicted on you. I know that my ex had the intention of (gang?) r*ping me, but he never got to go through with it, so there is no physical evidence of that.So, I really need your advice. What should I do? I feel like I have some kind of PTSD from him, for example sometimes when I'm going to school I get scared because I start to think that what if he's somewhere near by, waiting for me. Every time I see a person who even slightly resembles him I have a near panic attack.tl;dr: I'm scared of my ex who has a history of violent crime, I'm not eligible for a restraining order against him and I have absolutely no idea what to do
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