Mild vent about my lack of feeling physically desired by my boyfriend that contradict his words to me

A week or so ago, I gave my BF a blowjob and he had such an intense orgasm that he was speechless and twitching and out of breath for quite a while. He got weirdly contemplative afterwards and said he wished he could do that for me.

A lack of oral (him being the giver) has been a point of argument for our entire 3 year relationship so to avoid another argument I told him he makes me feel that good in other ways, which is true.

Even so it really gets under my skin for unhealthy amounts of time to think about comments like this coming from him. I got good at giving blowjobs because I practiced a damn lot. With any new partner I take time to really connect with his body and feel out what techniques they love most since people like different things.

He always talks about how badly he wants to be this good for me but does nothing to get better at it. I've playfully and seriously mentioned throughout the past 3 years how you get good at something by practicing a lot and he will agree but then...nothing.

He says he likes going down on me, he does it after I mention it to him (usually after a fight or two about it because the mete mention of tue topic makes him defensive regardless of my approach).

I have given verbal and physical tips and he'll listen to them in the moment but I find myself giving the same basic tips 3 years in because he doesn't remember between sessions. Sometimes he's a natural with it so I know he is capable but he is extremely inconsistent.

I started silently tracking how long it has been since the last time he even attempted to go down on me or even verbalize a desire to. It's been a month. A month since I started tracking, the last time he did it has been who knows how much longer.

I have been very clear on my favorite ways for him to initiate sex with me and they consistently don't happen. I try and initiate sex with him in ways that he has mentioned he likes and I just feel that I don't get this same treatment.

Overall I feel like I am neglecting my own sexuality and the only time I feel satisfied is after a number of attempted talks that quickly turn into tear filled arguments where my boyfriend begrudgingly does exactly what I mentioned in the arguments.

It is physically fulfilling and emotionally painful knowing it's only happening because he is essentially following a "to-do checklist" that I had to verbally hand him repeatedly and not because he had any urge to do any of it on his own.

I hate it and I hate knowing that if I bring it up it will instantly be a fight and I'll "get what I want" in action only. I'm not actually getting what I want at all though because that would involve him remembering any of the things I like and doing them out of his own desire.

Desire for my body, desire to see me receiving pleasure, desire to give me pleasure.

Submitted March 07, 2020 at 11:38PM

A week or so ago, I gave my BF a blowjob and he had such an intense orgasm that he was speechless and twitching and out of breath for quite a while. He got weirdly contemplative afterwards and said he wished he could do that for me.A lack of oral (him being the giver) has been a point of argument for our entire 3 year relationship so to avoid another argument I told him he makes me feel that good in other ways, which is true.Even so it really gets under my skin for unhealthy amounts of time to think about comments like this coming from him. I got good at giving blowjobs because I practiced a damn lot. With any new partner I take time to really connect with his body and feel out what techniques they love most since people like different things.He always talks about how badly he wants to be this good for me but does nothing to get better at it. I've playfully and seriously mentioned throughout the past 3 years how you get good at something by practicing a lot and he will agree but then...nothing.He says he likes going down on me, he does it after I mention it to him (usually after a fight or two about it because the mete mention of tue topic makes him defensive regardless of my approach).I have given verbal and physical tips and he'll listen to them in the moment but I find myself giving the same basic tips 3 years in because he doesn't remember between sessions. Sometimes he's a natural with it so I know he is capable but he is extremely inconsistent.I started silently tracking how long it has been since the last time he even attempted to go down on me or even verbalize a desire to. It's been a month. A month since I started tracking, the last time he did it has been who knows how much longer.I have been very clear on my favorite ways for him to initiate sex with me and they consistently don't happen. I try and initiate sex with him in ways that he has mentioned he likes and I just feel that I don't get this same treatment.Overall I feel like I am neglecting my own sexuality and the only time I feel satisfied is after a number of attempted talks that quickly turn into tear filled arguments where my boyfriend begrudgingly does exactly what I mentioned in the arguments.It is physically fulfilling and emotionally painful knowing it's only happening because he is essentially following a "to-do checklist" that I had to verbally hand him repeatedly and not because he had any urge to do any of it on his own.I hate it and I hate knowing that if I bring it up it will instantly be a fight and I'll "get what I want" in action only. I'm not actually getting what I want at all though because that would involve him remembering any of the things I like and doing them out of his own desire.Desire for my body, desire to see me receiving pleasure, desire to give me pleasure.