I’m (M28) expected to perform whenever she wants

I’m a 28 yo male, married to my wife for three years. We’ve been going through a bit of an issue lately. Over time, my wife seems like she’s become less interested in sex. It really discourages me out and makes me wonder if maybe I’m not giving it my all or that maybe she’s just not into me as much as I’m into her. But I know this isn’t true because we’ve talked about it and she’s just not wanting sex as much as I am. Nonetheless, it still sucks when I ask to have sex and she tells me her day is too busy (it’s not) or she’ll sometimes just sigh. The dynamic is really bugging me, in that I’m seen as a sex buffet that’s always open. I don’t want to guilt her for having a lower sex drive than me. It’s just frustrating.

So the oddness from today: she turned me down for sex yesterday and I seemed bummed but assured her I was okay and that I didn’t expect her to be my plaything whenever I want. But then today, I walked in to our living room and there she was wearing a skimpy lingerie catsuit and a smile. It’s just assumed that the husband sex buffet is open whenever she wants it. I frustratingly told her that I would pass on the offer and she was stunned. I didn’t want it to be awkward but it was. I tried to be polite and explain that I wasn’t upset and just want boundaries too, but that didn’t go well. She started crying...and then I had sex with her while feeling like an asshole. I couldn’t handle the tears and felt awful.

So I don’t get it. I can’t be upset at her for having a lower sex drive than me. But I also find it upsetting that I’m expected to provide sex whenever it suits her. The dynamic feels wrong and I’m not sure what to do.



Submitted February 06, 2020 at 11:46PM

I’m a 28 yo male, married to my wife for three years. We’ve been going through a bit of an issue lately. Over time, my wife seems like she’s become less interested in sex. It really discourages me out and makes me wonder if maybe I’m not giving it my all or that maybe she’s just not into me as much as I’m into her. But I know this isn’t true because we’ve talked about it and she’s just not wanting sex as much as I am. Nonetheless, it still sucks when I ask to have sex and she tells me her day is too busy (it’s not) or she’ll sometimes just sigh. The dynamic is really bugging me, in that I’m seen as a sex buffet that’s always open. I don’t want to guilt her for having a lower sex drive than me. It’s just frustrating.So the oddness from today: she turned me down for sex yesterday and I seemed bummed but assured her I was okay and that I didn’t expect her to be my plaything whenever I want. But then today, I walked in to our living room and there she was wearing a skimpy lingerie catsuit and a smile. It’s just assumed that the husband sex buffet is open whenever she wants it. I frustratingly told her that I would pass on the offer and she was stunned. I didn’t want it to be awkward but it was. I tried to be polite and explain that I wasn’t upset and just want boundaries too, but that didn’t go well. She started crying...and then I had sex with her while feeling like an asshole. I couldn’t handle the tears and felt awful.So I don’t get it. I can’t be upset at her for having a lower sex drive than me. But I also find it upsetting that I’m expected to provide sex whenever it suits her. The dynamic feels wrong and I’m not sure what to do.
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