Boyfriend [31M] gave me [28F] the worst surprise ever

And it was that... he dumped me.

I consider myself a pretty self-aware, confident, sensitive individual. I think I have a fair grasp on reality and although I've been hurt in the past, I don't think I've ever been blindsided. Ouch. It has really been a different type of pain.

We only dated for 6 months. I hate that I'm this torn up about it, but things got serious very quickly because we knew each other previously and there was... a lot more at stake than if it was a stranger. I feel confident saying he set the pace for the relationship very early on (saying 'I love you' first, inviting me to meet his parents first, telling me he wanted longevity with me and that he certainly saw a future together), which is why this bushwhack of a break-up has been so difficult to process. And, you know, the part where I was genuinely wild about him.

We had a lovely relationship. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, we cooked dinner together almost every night, went on fun weekend trips, got along with each other's families and friends, shared music and went to shows, occasionally got sloppy together then nursed each other's hangovers, had an out-of-country trip planned, bike rides, hikes, museums, etc. - you get the idea. Fucking perfect. No, neither of us are perfect individuals but this was the ideal relationship in my opinion.

I guess I am withholding a bit of information with you, my Reddit friends. I knew heading into this relationship that he had a lot of anxiety around commitment and never really had a long-term, serious girlfriend. I'm aware of a couple people he has dated and how those relationships ended. I made the nocuous assumption that it would be different with me, especially from the pace he had set. Not to sound like an asshole, but I am different from the girls he has dated. I can very confidently say I have my shit together. And unlike him, I was in a 5-year relationship (and another 2-year one) where I learned a lot about who I am as a partner. Also, I have never dated someone I knew previously so this was new/scary territory for me in the first place.

Sigh. So, the break-up.

We went to a show with some friends. He told me he loved me and grabbed my butt. It was a pretty chill night; nothing extravagant. He was in a really goofy mood and everyone was kind of laughing at/with him. He asked me if he was being weird and I kind of laughed and said "yeah" then kissed him. Silence. A little later on one of our friends asked him what was wrong and in front of them he said "she told me I was being weird, I'm just not in a good mood anymore." I felt embarrassed and disrespected so my mood was also soured. We left shortly after and he told me he didn't think we were on the same page, left my apartment and didn't talk to me for a week. That was it! We had never really fought before. Bickered? Sure, occasionally. Never anything like this.

We've talked a couple of times since then (it's been about 3 weeks) and I don't think we'll get back together. Part of me wants to try to fight for it, but how could I be with someone that made it clear I am disposable? I can't. I, of course, have been dealing with a lot of feelings of inadequacy, but I do think he really cared/cares about me. I think immaturity and fear of commitment play a big role here, but at the end of the day I can't convince someone to be in love with me.

So, Reddit... I come to you because I am just absolutely devastated still. I am really, really struggling with moving forward. This isn't very typical of me. I have cried at work every day for the past 2+ weeks, I've been doing anything and everything to distract myself, and every day is a constant struggle of not reaching out to him. My biggest question is what the f is going on in his mind? (Side note: He told me he still wants me to come to his family Christmas dinner.)

TL;DR - I got dumped out of no where by a guy I was in love with and am having trouble coping.

Submitted December 04, 2019 at 12:53AM

And it was that... he dumped me.I consider myself a pretty self-aware, confident, sensitive individual. I think I have a fair grasp on reality and although I've been hurt in the past, I don't think I've ever been blindsided. Ouch. It has really been a different type of pain.We only dated for 6 months. I hate that I'm this torn up about it, but things got serious very quickly because we knew each other previously and there was... a lot more at stake than if it was a stranger. I feel confident saying he set the pace for the relationship very early on (saying 'I love you' first, inviting me to meet his parents first, telling me he wanted longevity with me and that he certainly saw a future together), which is why this bushwhack of a break-up has been so difficult to process. And, you know, the part where I was genuinely wild about him.We had a lovely relationship. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, we cooked dinner together almost every night, went on fun weekend trips, got along with each other's families and friends, shared music and went to shows, occasionally got sloppy together then nursed each other's hangovers, had an out-of-country trip planned, bike rides, hikes, museums, etc. - you get the idea. Fucking perfect. No, neither of us are perfect individuals but this was the ideal relationship in my opinion.I guess I am withholding a bit of information with you, my Reddit friends. I knew heading into this relationship that he had a lot of anxiety around commitment and never really had a long-term, serious girlfriend. I'm aware of a couple people he has dated and how those relationships ended. I made the nocuous assumption that it would be different with me, especially from the pace he had set. Not to sound like an asshole, but I am different from the girls he has dated. I can very confidently say I have my shit together. And unlike him, I was in a 5-year relationship (and another 2-year one) where I learned a lot about who I am as a partner. Also, I have never dated someone I knew previously so this was new/scary territory for me in the first place.Sigh. So, the break-up.We went to a show with some friends. He told me he loved me and grabbed my butt. It was a pretty chill night; nothing extravagant. He was in a really goofy mood and everyone was kind of laughing at/with him. He asked me if he was being weird and I kind of laughed and said "yeah" then kissed him. Silence. A little later on one of our friends asked him what was wrong and in front of them he said "she told me I was being weird, I'm just not in a good mood anymore." I felt embarrassed and disrespected so my mood was also soured. We left shortly after and he told me he didn't think we were on the same page, left my apartment and didn't talk to me for a week. That was it! We had never really fought before. Bickered? Sure, occasionally. Never anything like this.We've talked a couple of times since then (it's been about 3 weeks) and I don't think we'll get back together. Part of me wants to try to fight for it, but how could I be with someone that made it clear I am disposable? I can't. I, of course, have been dealing with a lot of feelings of inadequacy, but I do think he really cared/cares about me. I think immaturity and fear of commitment play a big role here, but at the end of the day I can't convince someone to be in love with me.So, Reddit... I come to you because I am just absolutely devastated still. I am really, really struggling with moving forward. This isn't very typical of me. I have cried at work every day for the past 2+ weeks, I've been doing anything and everything to distract myself, and every day is a constant struggle of not reaching out to him. My biggest question is what the f is going on in his mind? (Side note: He told me he still wants me to come to his family Christmas dinner.)TL;DR - I got dumped out of no where by a guy I was in love with and am having trouble coping.