Paranoia, Panic, delusion?; dating with HPV GW

I got diagnosed with HPV roughly 3 years ago, and had a wart on my penis.

Since then my mental health has been a cause for concern, and something I have committed to fixing, especially lately, as I am tired of letting paranoia get the better of me.

Over these last few years, I've gone to my family doctor many many times, as well as a dermatologist, twice, and a urologist once. All three conclude whatever I am concerned about is NOT a cause for concern at all; very normal, everyone gets a bout with HPV at least once in their lives (other than the vaccinated), and to go about my normal life.

Initially, with the exception of my family doctor's original diagnosis, both specialists looked at me and brushed it off, saying there was nothing there. I, being the type who is a bit meticulous and OCD, knew there were spots of concern... yes, they were very small, and nearly unseeable, but I pushed them a little harder and said please, look closer at this spot specifically. They both did, of course, and both ended up agreeing with me that yes, these could be warts (the derm confirmed it, the urologist just gave me some stuff to burn them off any time i got paranoid about a spot).

So I have been, and keep going back to, my family doctor regularly (because the specialists are too busy for a paranoid guy that thinks he has warts all the time), and nearly every time she will look at what I'm concerned about and tell me its nothing, a scar, some sort of ingrown hair, or normal skin imperfection... (There have been a couple times she has agreed with me, that there has been a recurrence, however small, but not in a long time). I like my doctor, we have a good relationship, but she thinks that I am being overly-paranoid, and that given the last few visits, should stop worrying so much about this, but sometimes I wonder if I should get a different one who may be more sensitive to this plight... Seeing two others who agree with her doesn't make me want to go through that process...

Sometimes I am fine, and I don't think about sex, just going about my life. But then something happens, and I meet someone... Someone amazing, who, by the grace of God, is into me; panic sets in, and immediately all I can do is comb through my junk, trim back the curtains, and look for anything... I seem to usually find something, so panic ensues... I've become so overtly non-sexual around potential sex-interests that I lose them by being too passive. I have no confidence anymore, because I don't know if I have warts or not, whether I should be worried or not... The few people I have decided to tell have accepted it, for the most part, and didn't care; we just wore a condom and they were cool... But even then, I feel disgusting. I feel like they are misinformed or something; like, even though the doc said we're good to go, I'm not in the middle of what I think is an outbreak, I still feel guilty, and that I am exposing someone to something I shouldn't?

How do I get over this? Sometimes they can be so small, sometimes they don't look like the pictures, because they are so minor... What do you all do, those of you who are now experience a prolonged period of time "in the clear", as it were; especially those of you were recurrences. Are there any others who have been this fixated and paranoid about teeny tiny "spots" that your doctors have repeatedly brushed off? Like, what do I do ? I'm starting to wonder if having them just isn't a big deal, cause no one seems to care. If they are so common, where is everyone who has had them? I have met some amazing people and haven't been able to pull myself together for them, and have let them slip away; I can't do that anymore, and I am looking for any sort of solution, suggestions, comments, etc.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and if you have any advice or related content you could throw my way, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks,

TLDR; Doctor's say I'm overthinking/paranoid, I think I have warts when they think I don't, it's affecting my sex life, and I want it to change. How?

Submitted November 10, 2019 at 11:55PM

I got diagnosed with HPV roughly 3 years ago, and had a wart on my penis.Since then my mental health has been a cause for concern, and something I have committed to fixing, especially lately, as I am tired of letting paranoia get the better of me.Over these last few years, I've gone to my family doctor many many times, as well as a dermatologist, twice, and a urologist once. All three conclude whatever I am concerned about is NOT a cause for concern at all; very normal, everyone gets a bout with HPV at least once in their lives (other than the vaccinated), and to go about my normal life.Initially, with the exception of my family doctor's original diagnosis, both specialists looked at me and brushed it off, saying there was nothing there. I, being the type who is a bit meticulous and OCD, knew there were spots of concern... yes, they were very small, and nearly unseeable, but I pushed them a little harder and said please, look closer at this spot specifically. They both did, of course, and both ended up agreeing with me that yes, these could be warts (the derm confirmed it, the urologist just gave me some stuff to burn them off any time i got paranoid about a spot).So I have been, and keep going back to, my family doctor regularly (because the specialists are too busy for a paranoid guy that thinks he has warts all the time), and nearly every time she will look at what I'm concerned about and tell me its nothing, a scar, some sort of ingrown hair, or normal skin imperfection... (There have been a couple times she has agreed with me, that there has been a recurrence, however small, but not in a long time). I like my doctor, we have a good relationship, but she thinks that I am being overly-paranoid, and that given the last few visits, should stop worrying so much about this, but sometimes I wonder if I should get a different one who may be more sensitive to this plight... Seeing two others who agree with her doesn't make me want to go through that process...Sometimes I am fine, and I don't think about sex, just going about my life. But then something happens, and I meet someone... Someone amazing, who, by the grace of God, is into me; panic sets in, and immediately all I can do is comb through my junk, trim back the curtains, and look for anything... I seem to usually find something, so panic ensues... I've become so overtly non-sexual around potential sex-interests that I lose them by being too passive. I have no confidence anymore, because I don't know if I have warts or not, whether I should be worried or not... The few people I have decided to tell have accepted it, for the most part, and didn't care; we just wore a condom and they were cool... But even then, I feel disgusting. I feel like they are misinformed or something; like, even though the doc said we're good to go, I'm not in the middle of what I think is an outbreak, I still feel guilty, and that I am exposing someone to something I shouldn't?How do I get over this? Sometimes they can be so small, sometimes they don't look like the pictures, because they are so minor... What do you all do, those of you who are now experience a prolonged period of time "in the clear", as it were; especially those of you were recurrences. Are there any others who have been this fixated and paranoid about teeny tiny "spots" that your doctors have repeatedly brushed off? Like, what do I do ? I'm starting to wonder if having them just isn't a big deal, cause no one seems to care. If they are so common, where is everyone who has had them? I have met some amazing people and haven't been able to pull myself together for them, and have let them slip away; I can't do that anymore, and I am looking for any sort of solution, suggestions, comments, etc.Anyways, thanks for reading, and if you have any advice or related content you could throw my way, I'd appreciate it.Thanks,TLDR; Doctor's say I'm overthinking/paranoid, I think I have warts when they think I don't, it's affecting my sex life, and I want it to change. How?