How do you guys even find therapist that is helpful?

"Get therapy" is pretty popular advice here, but I have been in and out of therapy for more than 10 years and I've never found a therapist that was actually helpful. I have a lot of trauma in my background, so I should be an excellent candidate for this, but it just isn't working out.

I had a therapist that started falling asleep while I was talking, one that had no idea how to respond to me and looked like she had a mix of horrified and disgusted going on. One that treated our sessions like a gossip session about my heinous family, one that was taking advantage of me and committing insurance fraud with the payment/copay, and one that I just never felt like she liked me. I spent hours crying her office, and she... I don't know how to explain it. Her facial expressions were the indication. She looked like what I was upset about was actually insignificant and my response was disproportionate. She didn't really say much about any of it. Then she went on maternity leave and didn't call to schedule when she came back, which further encourages the belief that she didn't like me. I didn't want to reschedule with her, but she said she would call and didn't. So that whole thing was more humiliation than therapeutic.

I had one therapist that yelled and stomped her feet at me because I wasn't practicing some Chinese spirituality thing that she wanted me to do. I can't remember what she called it. It was basically imagining your problems floating away, and that really doesn't do anything for me. My stuff does not float, and certainly not away. In fact, spirituality doesn't do anything at all for me, and now I avoid therapists who say anything about holistic approaches.

I go to a group therapy once a week that is mostly a good thing, but I did share something very personal and painful with one of the therapists there and she started shaming me. I had to tell her to stop. So I don't feel comfortable sharing the things I need to share there, because I don't really want her to know this stuff about me. And now I'm worried about the response I'll get.

I had the first session with a new therapist a few days ago, and she asked me if any therapist has been ever helpful and I was actually afraid to tell her the truth because she might think I'm a lost cause, and then what will I do??

I'm not trying to make this post into some big sob story, but I do think sharing some background is important. And I will admit, I'm frustrated. But I just don't get it? I feel like I'm getting older and nothing is really getting better, so I'm just fucked I guess? How do you guys find a therapist that can help with anything? People talk about going to therapy like it's a good thing, but it's becoming really difficult to keep believing in it. I don't know what else I can do.

Submitted November 11, 2019 at 12:07AM

"Get therapy" is pretty popular advice here, but I have been in and out of therapy for more than 10 years and I've never found a therapist that was actually helpful. I have a lot of trauma in my background, so I should be an excellent candidate for this, but it just isn't working out.I had a therapist that started falling asleep while I was talking, one that had no idea how to respond to me and looked like she had a mix of horrified and disgusted going on. One that treated our sessions like a gossip session about my heinous family, one that was taking advantage of me and committing insurance fraud with the payment/copay, and one that I just never felt like she liked me. I spent hours crying her office, and she... I don't know how to explain it. Her facial expressions were the indication. She looked like what I was upset about was actually insignificant and my response was disproportionate. She didn't really say much about any of it. Then she went on maternity leave and didn't call to schedule when she came back, which further encourages the belief that she didn't like me. I didn't want to reschedule with her, but she said she would call and didn't. So that whole thing was more humiliation than therapeutic.I had one therapist that yelled and stomped her feet at me because I wasn't practicing some Chinese spirituality thing that she wanted me to do. I can't remember what she called it. It was basically imagining your problems floating away, and that really doesn't do anything for me. My stuff does not float, and certainly not away. In fact, spirituality doesn't do anything at all for me, and now I avoid therapists who say anything about holistic approaches.I go to a group therapy once a week that is mostly a good thing, but I did share something very personal and painful with one of the therapists there and she started shaming me. I had to tell her to stop. So I don't feel comfortable sharing the things I need to share there, because I don't really want her to know this stuff about me. And now I'm worried about the response I'll get.I had the first session with a new therapist a few days ago, and she asked me if any therapist has been ever helpful and I was actually afraid to tell her the truth because she might think I'm a lost cause, and then what will I do??I'm not trying to make this post into some big sob story, but I do think sharing some background is important. And I will admit, I'm frustrated. But I just don't get it? I feel like I'm getting older and nothing is really getting better, so I'm just fucked I guess? How do you guys find a therapist that can help with anything? People talk about going to therapy like it's a good thing, but it's becoming really difficult to keep believing in it. I don't know what else I can do.