My boyfriends (22) grandfather (85) has terminal cancer and I (21) female want to know how to help support both of them and their family.

So I have seen some similar posts on couples, of who have gone through this together, but not parents and granparents.

I have know my boyfriend's grandfather (call him Dave) for over 5 years now, as my first time meeting his family was at Dave's 80th birthday party. Earlier this year Dave's wife died suddenly after a fall, and this has devastated the family. This was around the time I was about to take my final university exams so I feel a lot of guilt about being unable to be there for my boyfriend, who had been very close to his grandma and the rest of the family.

Dave had been having some pain in his shoulder which he had put to a dislocated shoulder but then a few weeks ago he had a scan which showed he had a lump in his neck. Upon further investigation he was found to have metastasised cancerous lumps all across his body. He was hospitalised and now has come to live with bf's mother.

His condition has only suddenly worsened and I know that it greatly pains my bf whenever he sees him as he is in a lot of pain and is very weak. I saw Dave in hospital and it was very hard for me to keep it together after that too, but I tried to be cheery for the sake of Dave and my bf during the visit though and I think he was happy to see me.

I am looking for advice now, on things I can do with Dave now, to entertain him or make him more comfortable and lessen the pain a little, he is mostly bed bound and finds it difficult to do things with his arms. I know he likes foxes so I'm planning to go photograph some so he can see them up close. Also how can I help my bf and his family now, it's hard for me to see them often as I don't have a car and am looking for a job, but I will definitely try to see Dave more and the family. I want to help but I also don't want to be in the way or tire out Dave.

Advice from people who have lost or are currently caring for those on hospice care or very sick themselves would be greatly appreciated. What was something that someone did for you that you really appreciated?

TL; DR I want to help boyfriends grandfather who is suffering from terminal cancer and can't do very much and also support my boyfriend and his family.



Submitted October 04, 2019 at 12:07AM

So I have seen some similar posts on couples, of who have gone through this together, but not parents and granparents.I have know my boyfriend's grandfather (call him Dave) for over 5 years now, as my first time meeting his family was at Dave's 80th birthday party. Earlier this year Dave's wife died suddenly after a fall, and this has devastated the family. This was around the time I was about to take my final university exams so I feel a lot of guilt about being unable to be there for my boyfriend, who had been very close to his grandma and the rest of the family.Dave had been having some pain in his shoulder which he had put to a dislocated shoulder but then a few weeks ago he had a scan which showed he had a lump in his neck. Upon further investigation he was found to have metastasised cancerous lumps all across his body. He was hospitalised and now has come to live with bf's mother.His condition has only suddenly worsened and I know that it greatly pains my bf whenever he sees him as he is in a lot of pain and is very weak. I saw Dave in hospital and it was very hard for me to keep it together after that too, but I tried to be cheery for the sake of Dave and my bf during the visit though and I think he was happy to see me.I am looking for advice now, on things I can do with Dave now, to entertain him or make him more comfortable and lessen the pain a little, he is mostly bed bound and finds it difficult to do things with his arms. I know he likes foxes so I'm planning to go photograph some so he can see them up close. Also how can I help my bf and his family now, it's hard for me to see them often as I don't have a car and am looking for a job, but I will definitely try to see Dave more and the family. I want to help but I also don't want to be in the way or tire out Dave.Advice from people who have lost or are currently caring for those on hospice care or very sick themselves would be greatly appreciated. What was something that someone did for you that you really appreciated?TL; DR I want to help boyfriends grandfather who is suffering from terminal cancer and can't do very much and also support my boyfriend and his family.
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