I (25m) think I have a crush on a coworker (25f), but I am in a long-distance relationship of 2 years with a partner who cheated on me 6 months ago. Should I live my girlfriend for a crush, or could it be a temporary crush?

Throw away account and sorry if the post gets a bit long. Going back 2 years I have met this girl, let's call her Eva, while on an overseas exchange. We had amazing moments for 6 months before I come back to my home country. In the start of our relationship, the only red flag I have noticed was her very explosive and passionate personality, which led to some fights and aggressiveness towards me and my family also. I have always listened that she was sorry and that she would change this behaviour and that it was too hard for her to control her anger. I came back to my home country and for 6 months we had a lot of quarrels. I have listened terrible and offensive things about me and my family, including a baby. And I have also supported many break-ups of minutes or hours, with me feeling awful and crawling back to her (after I stopped, and she would come back asking sorry). We have always discussed about those problems and the results were always let’s be sorry and change some things, both me and her.

So, after 6 months, Eva comes to visit me for about 2 months. As she stays home, problems with my family quickly arises and I kept trying to handle both sides until the very last day, in which Eva fought with a family member of mine just before leaving. Of course, there were plenty of good moments, as we travelled also and enjoyed our time together after 6 months apart. After leaving, she starts a rampage because of what happened during her time here. According to her, I did not support her, and I left her because I did not want to oppose my family and for some months, we had fought a lot and many small break ups from her. We have managed to survive those hard times. Fast forward a few months (8 months far), she meets a person during her activities and I constantly listen about him, which makes me a bit annoyed, but she always told he didn’t text her nor liked her. I won’t give details, but in 2 months she sends him a message telling she is bored, which leads him to invite her to a party with other friends of him. I strongly opposed, but she goes anyways telling she will talk to me via phone. She disappears for some hours and I become anxious and infuriated. When she comes back, I press her which leads her to confess that he kissed her (a peck kiss according to her). She told me he confessed liking her and they have talked after the kiss and some other bullshit I can’t remember. I leave her, but she seems very sorry and we decide to give it another go after 3 days.

The next day after the cheating, a co-worker, let’s call her Lindsay, saw my awful state and offered to talk to me. I have opened myself and her help was very good, leading to the start of a friendship. Forward 2 months, Eva comes again to visit me. This time, in my own place. We can’t travel because of my work, but we try to enjoy evenings and weekends as much as we can. I notice Eva’s sexual appetite is very low compared to past times, which annoys me a bit (not that I am crazy for it, but it was a bit too low for me). We had fights, and I even listened that she does not want to have any sex, but she does because I want it, which resulted in basically no physical contact until last 2 days, as I felt insulted and sad. Eva leaves and we feel very sad for our long-distance situation, without a clear plan of living together. At this point, I am unsure about risking my good job and being close to my family for Eva (after the cheating). In the meantime, I became closer to Lindsay. I have been developing a hard crush on her and we spent good time together (we only talk during working hours). I really enjoy her company and in the last few days, I have a growing feeling for her. I don’t think it is reciprocal, as Lindsay still has feelings for her ex. My problem is that I feel awful to be developing feelings for someone else while still with Eva as I don’t want to hurt her of course, but at the same time Lindsay made me to believe that I could find someone, being her an example, who is much closer to what I expect in a relationship, regarding ideas and behaviour.

What could I do? Should I talk to Eva about it? Should I just leave her for good, as we both suffer from the distance? Or should I wait because this feeling is temporary due to distance? I have been closed about this issue for a long time, and I would really like to listen other opinions, as I am really frustrated right now.

tl;dr: My long distance girlfriend (23f) cheated on me 6 months ago. A co-worker (25f) is being very supportive of my situation and I (25m) have feelings for her (still have feelings for her ex). I am not sure about what should I do in this situation, leaving or not my girlfriend.

Submitted October 04, 2019 at 12:17AM

Throw away account and sorry if the post gets a bit long. Going back 2 years I have met this girl, let's call her Eva, while on an overseas exchange. We had amazing moments for 6 months before I come back to my home country. In the start of our relationship, the only red flag I have noticed was her very explosive and passionate personality, which led to some fights and aggressiveness towards me and my family also. I have always listened that she was sorry and that she would change this behaviour and that it was too hard for her to control her anger. I came back to my home country and for 6 months we had a lot of quarrels. I have listened terrible and offensive things about me and my family, including a baby. And I have also supported many break-ups of minutes or hours, with me feeling awful and crawling back to her (after I stopped, and she would come back asking sorry). We have always discussed about those problems and the results were always let’s be sorry and change some things, both me and her.So, after 6 months, Eva comes to visit me for about 2 months. As she stays home, problems with my family quickly arises and I kept trying to handle both sides until the very last day, in which Eva fought with a family member of mine just before leaving. Of course, there were plenty of good moments, as we travelled also and enjoyed our time together after 6 months apart. After leaving, she starts a rampage because of what happened during her time here. According to her, I did not support her, and I left her because I did not want to oppose my family and for some months, we had fought a lot and many small break ups from her. We have managed to survive those hard times. Fast forward a few months (8 months far), she meets a person during her activities and I constantly listen about him, which makes me a bit annoyed, but she always told he didn’t text her nor liked her. I won’t give details, but in 2 months she sends him a message telling she is bored, which leads him to invite her to a party with other friends of him. I strongly opposed, but she goes anyways telling she will talk to me via phone. She disappears for some hours and I become anxious and infuriated. When she comes back, I press her which leads her to confess that he kissed her (a peck kiss according to her). She told me he confessed liking her and they have talked after the kiss and some other bullshit I can’t remember. I leave her, but she seems very sorry and we decide to give it another go after 3 days.The next day after the cheating, a co-worker, let’s call her Lindsay, saw my awful state and offered to talk to me. I have opened myself and her help was very good, leading to the start of a friendship. Forward 2 months, Eva comes again to visit me. This time, in my own place. We can’t travel because of my work, but we try to enjoy evenings and weekends as much as we can. I notice Eva’s sexual appetite is very low compared to past times, which annoys me a bit (not that I am crazy for it, but it was a bit too low for me). We had fights, and I even listened that she does not want to have any sex, but she does because I want it, which resulted in basically no physical contact until last 2 days, as I felt insulted and sad. Eva leaves and we feel very sad for our long-distance situation, without a clear plan of living together. At this point, I am unsure about risking my good job and being close to my family for Eva (after the cheating). In the meantime, I became closer to Lindsay. I have been developing a hard crush on her and we spent good time together (we only talk during working hours). I really enjoy her company and in the last few days, I have a growing feeling for her. I don’t think it is reciprocal, as Lindsay still has feelings for her ex. My problem is that I feel awful to be developing feelings for someone else while still with Eva as I don’t want to hurt her of course, but at the same time Lindsay made me to believe that I could find someone, being her an example, who is much closer to what I expect in a relationship, regarding ideas and behaviour.What could I do? Should I talk to Eva about it? Should I just leave her for good, as we both suffer from the distance? Or should I wait because this feeling is temporary due to distance? I have been closed about this issue for a long time, and I would really like to listen other opinions, as I am really frustrated right now.tl;dr: My long distance girlfriend (23f) cheated on me 6 months ago. A co-worker (25f) is being very supportive of my situation and I (25m) have feelings for her (still have feelings for her ex). I am not sure about what should I do in this situation, leaving or not my girlfriend.