I(M26) have an easy time getting dates, but if I ever show real interests it falls apart

Ok this is a long one, I'll start off with a short resume of how my dating life evolved and then I'll share

I was never really interested in dating in high school, I had troubles at home and my interactions with classmates were very strained.
At around 18-19 years old however I guess late puberty hit me real hard and my face and build changed drastically(and I got terrible stretch marks from it haha)
One very good looking teacher noticed it and I got laid the first time.
After high school I changed completely in looks and managed to make a career for myself and escape from my beginnings.

I found that women show great interest in me, at least in terms of physical attractiveness and I could easily get dates and have sex, however I found out that dating isn't what I originally imagined - after we have sex I feel extremely lonely, I feel no connection, it's worse than being alone.

What I really wanted was to have a normal relationship.
I've met 4 girls in my life with whom I tried and all 4 didn't end up well, altho the 4th one failed because I was bitter from the previous ones, so that one's entirely on me:

1. The first one(F19) was the closest to a relationship I've ever had. We met online and texted for a long time before we exchanged photos, she was very shy and insecure and was reluctant. After I convinced her to meet she became even more reluctant, started saying weird stuff about how I'll cheat on her or something.
   She did stay with me, but as time went on she became more and more passive aggressive even tho I never lied to her, never treated her badly.
   I would constantly reassure her that I'd never cheat on her and I ignored all the other girls who tried to were showing interest in me.
   She became increasingly obsessed with the idea that I'll cheat and then started trying to make me jealous by comparing me to her ex and how exciting he was and how all the girls wanted him and how it was her most exciting time and talking about other guys in the past constantly and it was getting on my nerves.
   We stared fighting a lot and there were bigger and bigger periods where we didn't talk. Eventually we grew cold and after a really big period of silence I blocked her in every social media and chat program that I had her added.
   I felt crushed for a long time and in order to avoid falling for anyone again I had a period where I was very promiscuous. After that I stopped trying to date at all for a long time.
2. The second one(F24) was again a girl I met online randomly. This was hands down the best person I've met in my life when it comes to talking and feeling like I'm interesting. We would text all the time, to the point where it interfered with our work.
   She would ask me about everything, she had true interest in me, wanted to know all about me, I felt truly wanted and it was great.
   We met in real life a couple of times, but then she started flaking a lot and couldn't tell me why.
   At this point she was literally my best friend so I kept talking to her about everything and while she was flirting with me and openly admitted she was into me, she was becoming reluctant too.
   She spoke of some insecurities, trust issues, etc. She said that she is afraid if she falls in love she can be controlled or something.
   After a while our "friendship" got strained, I kept asking her if she is into me, why is she keeping me at a distance while also flirting with me.
   She started berating me for every single thing, trying to pick a fight over everything.
   She also said she doesn't care if I start seeing other girls, however she would get extremely jealous if I interact with some other girl's Facebook post, but ignore hers.
   She had some weird obsession with getting Facebook likes and would question me endlessly about what was wrong with her latest post and why I didn't like it.
   At this point it was enough for me, this is no kind of friendship, we are not compatible and we stopped talking.
   I regretted sharing my whole life and childhood traumas and so on with her, because I wasn't sure if we were ever friends and what she wanted from me.
   After that I slipped back into my "promiscuous to avoid getting attached" pattern.
   Then a year later we chatted up again and became "friends again".
   This time she agreed to tell me one of her secrets that she was hiding.
   She was literally struggling to get it out, then after some effort she finally said "Well I always found you really hot"
   Um what? Yeah you said you were into me before, I don't get it.
   Why did it take her over a year to say this?
   She couldn't tell me what the problem was.
   I started asking myself in my head: "Why me? Why? Why me? I'm not the first guy she ever met, she's dated before, she's had a relationship before, what's this now? I was baffled.
   It didn't last this time, I was just confused and bitter and over a few weeks we got into several fights over trivial stuff, literally over anything. Then we cut off contact again.
   Aaaand you guessed it - I started looking for no strings attached again.
   Now this is the point where I started to feel bitter. I started thinking stuff like "I can easily get any girl, what the hell was their problem? Why didn't they want me? I'm better than the other guys, why did my ex keep talking about her abusive drug addict ex and all these other guys. Why don't girls want a relationship with me? Why does it feel like I'm inferior to everyone, even to my ex's abusive drug addict ex. What am I doing wrong? Why me? I never cheated, I never lied. I hate her. I don't deserve this. I hate them all I'll never get attached."
   It's like I developed an inferiority and superiority complex at the same time.
3. The third one(F22) I met at work. At first I never noticed her, she was really not my type at all.
   However she kept staring at me all the time and even other colleagues noticed it.
   At one point I was assigned to help her out with work because she was a junior and I was a senior developer.
   She was extremely shy and insecure, she had zero confidence in herself.
   We started talking a lot and she would constantly self-deprecate and I would have to convince her how smart she is, etc.
   Then for some reason I started to perceive her as very attractive over time and I told her that I think she is pretty.
   She said no one ever called her that and that she wants to be pretty for me. That was pretty cute. I could tell she was completely inexperienced with guys, so I never tried to push it.
   I also tried to restrain myself mentally because I didn't want to fall in love.
   After a while I decided to invite her to go out with me. She agreed and was very excited.
   Then when it was time, she flaked.
   Then she started talking about how I probably only like her because X, Y and Z and would expect me to argue about it.
   Then the self-deprecation got really bad, she was literally insulting herself.
   I have no idea what has happened to this girl for her to have such a low confidence.
   I couldn't get her to feel good for herself at all.
   Then one day I got sick and called in sick for a week.
   When I came back to the office, she was super pissed, she said she couldn't handle her work(I wasn't there to help her) and first stopped going to lunch with the team, then became rude to everyone and eventually left the firm.
   She was rudest to me and ghosted me, so I never found out what happened.
   And again - why me? What did I do wrong?
   Why does it work for other guys, but with me there's always some Deus ex machina that breaks everything to pieces?
   Is there a lesson I'm blind to here?
   They would prefer a relationship with anyone on the planet, other than me.
   So let me get this straight - they find me physically attractive, they like to talk to me a lot and share stuff, but then they push me away and treat me like scum.
   I literally do. not. like. to. lie. I don't play games, I try to do everything "right". And it always ends with them hating me.
   Aaaaaand yes we are back to promiscuity after this, this is probably the longest such period I've had ever, I was hell bent on never getting attached to anyone ever again.
4. The last one(F27) I had interest in I first saw online in Facebook about 1 year before I met girl number 2.
   I didn't have interest in her back then, I just noticed something strange - she was very very tall for a girl, had a beautiful face and very big blue eyes, just utterly gorgeous, however she hid her face on almost every photo, and the few that she had were tagged from other people.
   My attention never lingered, but from time to time I saw her profile in "suggested"(we had a LOT of common contacts).
   Occasionally I'd see her comments somewhere and she was always very feisty and aggressive.
   So fast forward a long time after the situation with the third girl, after seeing her in friend suggestions 1000 times, I added her.
   She accepted immediately.
   I chatted her up and expected her to be super rude. A friend of her had once told me she had the "worst character".
   To my surprise she was the sweetest person ever. We chatted for a while and like always we got the the point where we share personal stuff.
   To my utter shock she said she never liked how she looks. She had some insecurities that I would never have guessed.
   I wasn't into her romantically or anything, we were just talking like friends.
   Then I ran into some other problems with some family members and some friends and add to that burnout from work because I was pushing myself real hard.
   I started having trouble sleeping, I felt like I was losing my ability to enjoy anything, even music.
   I spontaneously decided to cut off all social media and just isolate myself. It was very rude of me because I didn't warn anyone, I just nuked my profile.
   Several months after that I started to feel bad and I wrote to her again, I only activated my Messenger and I didn't contact anyone else.
   This time however I was getting all the bitterness that I build up over the years come out at once.
   I didn't show it out right but I started to feel an obsessive desire for her to feel interested in me, to want to know things about me.
   I shared about my family troubles with her and we started chatting a lot again, however I noticed that this time she never initiates the conversations.
   I'm not even sure if I have any romantic intentions toward her, I just really wanted her to care for me and to have an interest in my person. I wanted her to want to be my friend.
   She is so sweet and kind and it seems she hides it from a lot of people, but on the inside she is an angel.
   I never asked her out, nor did I have any intention of.
   It's hard to say what exactly it is that I feel for her, I guess you could say I "fell for the person".
   The combination of her being so utterly gorgeous and me wanting to avoid ever falling in love again, I completely ruled out the possibility of us dating, my brain wouldn't even go there.
   I just wanted some closeness.
   After a while I also noticed that she would ignore some things I write and overall it seemed like she is losing all interest.
   I didn't get pissed at her however, I literally can't think a single bad thing about her.
   I asked her if I'm burdening her with my problems or that if I'm annoying her.
   She said no, but it seemed like she is just polite. I mean I feel like she is incapable of being impolite with me.
   I decided that I have no one else to write to and ended up disabling my profile after I thanked her for being so kind to me and that she is the best.
   There was however one more person who was always nice to me who I had ghosted when I deleted my profile originally, so I reactivated it again to see if she will ever write back.
   For some reason I thought that she had ghosted me first before, but when I contacted her again she denied it.
   She also used to be a friend with the fourth girl and said some things about her - that she is "fragile on the inside" and that her life isn't as glamorous as I assume and that she isn't as attractive as I see her and that she is very insecure.
   I apologized again to the girl for any discomfort I might have caused her.
   I have no reason to ever write to her again, it's completely and utterly pointless.
   It will always end up the same way.
   Also no promiscuity this time, I'm sick of even the thought of having anything other than a platonic relationship with a woman.

I'm just sick of it all, why is it that even tho girls seem attracted to me physically and like to talk to me, they never want a relationship?
If it's just no strings attached, it's ok. But if I show interest for something more and we get close, the moment we get too close they just start to hate me.

There is some lesson here that I haven't learned and I don't seem to see it.
I feel lonely all the time and it's a suffocating feeling in my chest. I hate this.
The instant I show real interest, it's doomed.

What is it that other guys have? Am I bad?
I know that girls find me physically attractive, they like to talk to me for hours on every possible topic.
I've been told many times "I've never shared so much so quickly with anyone before, in our first talk I already feel like we are old friends or something"

But I'm doing something wrong WITHOUT even realizing it. It's like I'm blind to some personality fault I have.

I'm very sad about not being able to ever be close to this last girl, she is so full of love and devotion. I wish she had some of it for me.
I wished her the best of everything in life and all the happiness in the world.

So now what? Even if I didn't screw it up, it would have ended the same way as the others. In fact it's good that I pushed her away early.
The next one will end up the same as the first 3.

No one ever wants a relationship with me.

They like individual components of me, but never ME.

I doubt most people would read trough all of this, but if someone does and something clicks in their head "yep this guy is obviously doing X, this is why this happens"

tl;dr - most girls like me only for sex, the specific types that I pursue for a relationship always become hostile when we get too close, I can never get a relationship, I feel lonely and miserable all the time, my life is empty and material, without the love that others have

Submitted October 09, 2019 at 11:54PM

Ok this is a long one, I'll start off with a short resume of how my dating life evolved and then I'll shareI was never really interested in dating in high school, I had troubles at home and my interactions with classmates were very strained.At around 18-19 years old however I guess late puberty hit me real hard and my face and build changed drastically(and I got terrible stretch marks from it haha)One very good looking teacher noticed it and I got laid the first time.After high school I changed completely in looks and managed to make a career for myself and escape from my beginnings.I found that women show great interest in me, at least in terms of physical attractiveness and I could easily get dates and have sex, however I found out that dating isn't what I originally imagined - after we have sex I feel extremely lonely, I feel no connection, it's worse than being alone.What I really wanted was to have a normal relationship.I've met 4 girls in my life with whom I tried and all 4 didn't end up well, altho the 4th one failed because I was bitter from the previous ones, so that one's entirely on me:The first one(F19) was the closest to a relationship I've ever had. We met online and texted for a long time before we exchanged photos, she was very shy and insecure and was reluctant. After I convinced her to meet she became even more reluctant, started saying weird stuff about how I'll cheat on her or something.She did stay with me, but as time went on she became more and more passive aggressive even tho I never lied to her, never treated her badly.I would constantly reassure her that I'd never cheat on her and I ignored all the other girls who tried to were showing interest in me.She became increasingly obsessed with the idea that I'll cheat and then started trying to make me jealous by comparing me to her ex and how exciting he was and how all the girls wanted him and how it was her most exciting time and talking about other guys in the past constantly and it was getting on my nerves.We stared fighting a lot and there were bigger and bigger periods where we didn't talk. Eventually we grew cold and after a really big period of silence I blocked her in every social media and chat program that I had her added.I felt crushed for a long time and in order to avoid falling for anyone again I had a period where I was very promiscuous. After that I stopped trying to date at all for a long time.The second one(F24) was again a girl I met online randomly. This was hands down the best person I've met in my life when it comes to talking and feeling like I'm interesting. We would text all the time, to the point where it interfered with our work.She would ask me about everything, she had true interest in me, wanted to know all about me, I felt truly wanted and it was great.We met in real life a couple of times, but then she started flaking a lot and couldn't tell me why.At this point she was literally my best friend so I kept talking to her about everything and while she was flirting with me and openly admitted she was into me, she was becoming reluctant too.She spoke of some insecurities, trust issues, etc. She said that she is afraid if she falls in love she can be controlled or something.After a while our "friendship" got strained, I kept asking her if she is into me, why is she keeping me at a distance while also flirting with me.She started berating me for every single thing, trying to pick a fight over everything.She also said she doesn't care if I start seeing other girls, however she would get extremely jealous if I interact with some other girl's Facebook post, but ignore hers.She had some weird obsession with getting Facebook likes and would question me endlessly about what was wrong with her latest post and why I didn't like it.At this point it was enough for me, this is no kind of friendship, we are not compatible and we stopped talking.I regretted sharing my whole life and childhood traumas and so on with her, because I wasn't sure if we were ever friends and what she wanted from me.After that I slipped back into my "promiscuous to avoid getting attached" pattern.Then a year later we chatted up again and became "friends again".This time she agreed to tell me one of her secrets that she was hiding.She was literally struggling to get it out, then after some effort she finally said "Well I always found you really hot"Um what? Yeah you said you were into me before, I don't get it.Why did it take her over a year to say this?She couldn't tell me what the problem was.I started asking myself in my head: "Why me? Why? Why me? I'm not the first guy she ever met, she's dated before, she's had a relationship before, what's this now? I was baffled.It didn't last this time, I was just confused and bitter and over a few weeks we got into several fights over trivial stuff, literally over anything. Then we cut off contact again.Aaaand you guessed it - I started looking for no strings attached again.Now this is the point where I started to feel bitter. I started thinking stuff like "I can easily get any girl, what the hell was their problem? Why didn't they want me? I'm better than the other guys, why did my ex keep talking about her abusive drug addict ex and all these other guys. Why don't girls want a relationship with me? Why does it feel like I'm inferior to everyone, even to my ex's abusive drug addict ex. What am I doing wrong? Why me? I never cheated, I never lied. I hate her. I don't deserve this. I hate them all I'll never get attached."It's like I developed an inferiority and superiority complex at the same time.The third one(F22) I met at work. At first I never noticed her, she was really not my type at all.However she kept staring at me all the time and even other colleagues noticed it.At one point I was assigned to help her out with work because she was a junior and I was a senior developer.She was extremely shy and insecure, she had zero confidence in herself.We started talking a lot and she would constantly self-deprecate and I would have to convince her how smart she is, etc.Then for some reason I started to perceive her as very attractive over time and I told her that I think she is pretty.She said no one ever called her that and that she wants to be pretty for me. That was pretty cute. I could tell she was completely inexperienced with guys, so I never tried to push it.I also tried to restrain myself mentally because I didn't want to fall in love.After a while I decided to invite her to go out with me. She agreed and was very excited.Then when it was time, she flaked.Then she started talking about how I probably only like her because X, Y and Z and would expect me to argue about it.Then the self-deprecation got really bad, she was literally insulting herself.I have no idea what has happened to this girl for her to have such a low confidence.I couldn't get her to feel good for herself at all.Then one day I got sick and called in sick for a week.When I came back to the office, she was super pissed, she said she couldn't handle her work(I wasn't there to help her) and first stopped going to lunch with the team, then became rude to everyone and eventually left the firm.She was rudest to me and ghosted me, so I never found out what happened.And again - why me? What did I do wrong?Why does it work for other guys, but with me there's always some Deus ex machina that breaks everything to pieces?Is there a lesson I'm blind to here?They would prefer a relationship with anyone on the planet, other than me.So let me get this straight - they find me physically attractive, they like to talk to me a lot and share stuff, but then they push me away and treat me like scum.I literally do. not. like. to. lie. I don't play games, I try to do everything "right". And it always ends with them hating me.Aaaaaand yes we are back to promiscuity after this, this is probably the longest such period I've had ever, I was hell bent on never getting attached to anyone ever again.The last one(F27) I had interest in I first saw online in Facebook about 1 year before I met girl number 2.I didn't have interest in her back then, I just noticed something strange - she was very very tall for a girl, had a beautiful face and very big blue eyes, just utterly gorgeous, however she hid her face on almost every photo, and the few that she had were tagged from other people.My attention never lingered, but from time to time I saw her profile in "suggested"(we had a LOT of common contacts).Occasionally I'd see her comments somewhere and she was always very feisty and aggressive.So fast forward a long time after the situation with the third girl, after seeing her in friend suggestions 1000 times, I added her.She accepted immediately.I chatted her up and expected her to be super rude. A friend of her had once told me she had the "worst character".To my surprise she was the sweetest person ever. We chatted for a while and like always we got the the point where we share personal stuff.To my utter shock she said she never liked how she looks. She had some insecurities that I would never have guessed.I wasn't into her romantically or anything, we were just talking like friends.Then I ran into some other problems with some family members and some friends and add to that burnout from work because I was pushing myself real hard.I started having trouble sleeping, I felt like I was losing my ability to enjoy anything, even music.I spontaneously decided to cut off all social media and just isolate myself. It was very rude of me because I didn't warn anyone, I just nuked my profile.Several months after that I started to feel bad and I wrote to her again, I only activated my Messenger and I didn't contact anyone else.This time however I was getting all the bitterness that I build up over the years come out at once.I didn't show it out right but I started to feel an obsessive desire for her to feel interested in me, to want to know things about me.I shared about my family troubles with her and we started chatting a lot again, however I noticed that this time she never initiates the conversations.I'm not even sure if I have any romantic intentions toward her, I just really wanted her to care for me and to have an interest in my person. I wanted her to want to be my friend.She is so sweet and kind and it seems she hides it from a lot of people, but on the inside she is an angel.I never asked her out, nor did I have any intention of.It's hard to say what exactly it is that I feel for her, I guess you could say I "fell for the person".The combination of her being so utterly gorgeous and me wanting to avoid ever falling in love again, I completely ruled out the possibility of us dating, my brain wouldn't even go there.I just wanted some closeness.After a while I also noticed that she would ignore some things I write and overall it seemed like she is losing all interest.I didn't get pissed at her however, I literally can't think a single bad thing about her.I asked her if I'm burdening her with my problems or that if I'm annoying her.She said no, but it seemed like she is just polite. I mean I feel like she is incapable of being impolite with me.I decided that I have no one else to write to and ended up disabling my profile after I thanked her for being so kind to me and that she is the best.There was however one more person who was always nice to me who I had ghosted when I deleted my profile originally, so I reactivated it again to see if she will ever write back.For some reason I thought that she had ghosted me first before, but when I contacted her again she denied it.She also used to be a friend with the fourth girl and said some things about her - that she is "fragile on the inside" and that her life isn't as glamorous as I assume and that she isn't as attractive as I see her and that she is very insecure.I apologized again to the girl for any discomfort I might have caused her.I have no reason to ever write to her again, it's completely and utterly pointless.It will always end up the same way.Also no promiscuity this time, I'm sick of even the thought of having anything other than a platonic relationship with a woman.I'm just sick of it all, why is it that even tho girls seem attracted to me physically and like to talk to me, they never want a relationship?If it's just no strings attached, it's ok. But if I show interest for something more and we get close, the moment we get too close they just start to hate me.There is some lesson here that I haven't learned and I don't seem to see it.I feel lonely all the time and it's a suffocating feeling in my chest. I hate this.The instant I show real interest, it's doomed.What is it that other guys have? Am I bad?I know that girls find me physically attractive, they like to talk to me for hours on every possible topic.I've been told many times "I've never shared so much so quickly with anyone before, in our first talk I already feel like we are old friends or something"But I'm doing something wrong WITHOUT even realizing it. It's like I'm blind to some personality fault I have.I'm very sad about not being able to ever be close to this last girl, she is so full of love and devotion. I wish she had some of it for me.I wished her the best of everything in life and all the happiness in the world.So now what? Even if I didn't screw it up, it would have ended the same way as the others. In fact it's good that I pushed her away early.The next one will end up the same as the first 3.No one ever wants a relationship with me.They like individual components of me, but never ME.I doubt most people would read trough all of this, but if someone does and something clicks in their head "yep this guy is obviously doing X, this is why this happens"tl;dr - most girls like me only for sex, the specific types that I pursue for a relationship always become hostile when we get too close, I can never get a relationship, I feel lonely and miserable all the time, my life is empty and material, without the love that others have