I think I finally understand why I’ve been single for so long.

This isn’t a post about me being down on myself or being critical. It’s more of a realization.

So backstory: I’ve been single for 3 years, I’ve gone on dates here and there, and haven’t had anything that lasted more than 3 months. I’m in my second year of college now and haven’t had any luck in finding someone to spend time with.

Now, I feel like I’ve figured that since all the dates I’ve been on, most of them have lead to the guy wanting hook ups or a FWB. I’ve had only one person show general interest in dating, but we didn’t vibe and he was too shy for my taste (and I mean painfully shy, I felt like I was forcing conversation with him). All the other dates that ended in conflicting intentions has made me timid and uncomfortable with meeting people and hanging out with them.

I mean the only places you can hang out and get to know someone at school is going to get food, a study lounge, maybe a football or basketball game here and there, and most dreadfully: the dorm/apartment.

Getting invited to someone’s dorm or apartment on the first date is terrifying for me, especially if it’s just the two of you (which in most cases it is). First of all, if it’s the first time you’re hanging out and they invite you to their room, you can only assume that they want to do what those do when you’re all alone. Plus, it is not a date at that point. Sure, there’s a chance that’s not their intention, but of all the failed hangouts that I’ve had that lead to the dorm, 9/10 times it has lead to them wanting to screw around when I don’t. Needless to say, I did not see those guys again.

I know what I want, which I don’t want to be sorry for. I’ve tried to be clear with people I meet, on dating apps or even those I’ve met in person, about hook ups and casual hook ups. But I kid you not, even when they tell me “no I’m not like that either”, they have tried to get me to sleep with them soon after (maybe a day, maybe an hour).

I have just gotten so frustrated with the dating pool in college where many guys are not looking for relationships or even a girl they might want to get to know better. And every time I try to get myself back out there, I back out of hanging out with someone out of fear that it’s going to go as all the rest of my “dates” went.

I really don’t know what to do at this point. I can’t help but be conflicted because three times now, I’ve laid my intentions out and the other person completely ignores that.

Submitted August 27, 2019 at 11:29PM

This isn’t a post about me being down on myself or being critical. It’s more of a realization.So backstory: I’ve been single for 3 years, I’ve gone on dates here and there, and haven’t had anything that lasted more than 3 months. I’m in my second year of college now and haven’t had any luck in finding someone to spend time with.Now, I feel like I’ve figured that since all the dates I’ve been on, most of them have lead to the guy wanting hook ups or a FWB. I’ve had only one person show general interest in dating, but we didn’t vibe and he was too shy for my taste (and I mean painfully shy, I felt like I was forcing conversation with him). All the other dates that ended in conflicting intentions has made me timid and uncomfortable with meeting people and hanging out with them.I mean the only places you can hang out and get to know someone at school is going to get food, a study lounge, maybe a football or basketball game here and there, and most dreadfully: the dorm/apartment.Getting invited to someone’s dorm or apartment on the first date is terrifying for me, especially if it’s just the two of you (which in most cases it is). First of all, if it’s the first time you’re hanging out and they invite you to their room, you can only assume that they want to do what those do when you’re all alone. Plus, it is not a date at that point. Sure, there’s a chance that’s not their intention, but of all the failed hangouts that I’ve had that lead to the dorm, 9/10 times it has lead to them wanting to screw around when I don’t. Needless to say, I did not see those guys again.I know what I want, which I don’t want to be sorry for. I’ve tried to be clear with people I meet, on dating apps or even those I’ve met in person, about hook ups and casual hook ups. But I kid you not, even when they tell me “no I’m not like that either”, they have tried to get me to sleep with them soon after (maybe a day, maybe an hour).I have just gotten so frustrated with the dating pool in college where many guys are not looking for relationships or even a girl they might want to get to know better. And every time I try to get myself back out there, I back out of hanging out with someone out of fear that it’s going to go as all the rest of my “dates” went.I really don’t know what to do at this point. I can’t help but be conflicted because three times now, I’ve laid my intentions out and the other person completely ignores that.