I gave up the best opportunity of my life and I can’t handle it anymore

Hello everyone so last summer I had the opportunity to date this beautiful girl. Let’s call her Sarah. She liked me a lot but I did not feel the same way at the time. I ended up not dating her for multiple different reasons. At first she was dating a new guy every month and I didn’t want to be another guy. Secondly I was super focused on building my business and didn’t want her at the time. I was also not attracted to her or maybe I thought subconsciously that I could do better. And finally she dated my best friend for a month and then cheated on him.

When the school year started Sarah dated yet another new guy and it only lasted a month. I once again got another opportunity to date her and decided not to because of the previous stuff I had mentioned and I was distracted. I think subconsciously I thought because she was breaking up so much that I could date her at anytime. She ended up dating a sophomore. They will be having their one year anniversary here soon and that is the day I plan to kill myself.

I was so insecure as a child that I thought no girl would ever be interested in me. All during grade school I never fit in and out of 20 kids in our private grade school I was the only weird kid. I was so lonely and thought so differently than everyone else. I would try to fit in and be cool but it never worked out.

When I got into high school I wanted to prove I was worth something to all the teachers, parents, students and especially to a girl that I was worth something. I started to fall for this girl sophomore year who was gorgeous but she was to popular and out of my league. Let’s call her Amy. I dreamed of dating someone so beautiful. When I dreamed about her I thought of those movies about high school. About the dances and the football games and all the things that make high school fun. At the time I was building a business and I foolishly decided that if I could build my business up to make tons of money by the time I was a senior I could impress Amy and win her over. Btw I had no idea how dating or loved worked thanks to going to a private school for 9 years with only 3 girls. (Btw no one ever dated all 9 years)

So during the next two years I OBSESSED over my businesses. I had in that time probably 14 failed businesses but one ended up being a success that will maybe make six figures next year. This is the only thing I ever really did that I am actually proud of. However this obsession made me think the only way to get a girl is to make tons of money and if I didn’t do that then I didn’t deserve love nor did I want it.

Once senior year began I worked tirelessly on my business and saw my business finally start to flourish. Sarah ended up doing her thing with her newest boyfriend and I did my thing. When the end of senior year started to come around I went to a basketball game and went out to eat with my friends and Sarah. That night I got a feeling I should have got a long time ago. I got a spark. I started to like her. This attraction only started growing more and more when the year started to wrap up. I watched her and her boyfriend walk down the hallway holding hands and loving each other. Each time I saw this was a stab in my heart. Throughout the year I stared to die inside. My friends started noticing a kid who would make everyone laugh and would be a hopeful ambitious person slowly started to fade.

When prom came around it was the worst day of my life. I thought years ago it would have been one of the best. I saw the girl I liked take pictures with her boyfriend and everyone having fun with their dates. As the night went on I watched them dance together and love each other. That night everything clicked. I should have been the one holding her hands down the hallway. I should have been the one to go to those football games and watch her cheer. It should have been me taking those photos with her at prom and dancing with her that night. I was absolutely heartbroken to realize that the dream I wanted so badly had died in front of my eyes.

Ever since that day I have had it. When I went to graduation I couldn’t believe it was over. I was shocked how horribly wrong everything went. All summer I have been depressed and each day has pushed me one step closer to death. They say time heals but as each day passes the feeling of regret grows stronger and stronger. I have lost all energy and hope. People will just tell me to move on or just to suck it up. I usually can do that when it comes to anything else but this scar is to deep. I have no idea what to do now. I don’t want to move on at all. I just want my dream to come true but you can’t change the past. I can’t live with this failure any longer. So that is why I will be ending my life.

Submitted August 24, 2019 at 11:59PM

Hello everyone so last summer I had the opportunity to date this beautiful girl. Let’s call her Sarah. She liked me a lot but I did not feel the same way at the time. I ended up not dating her for multiple different reasons. At first she was dating a new guy every month and I didn’t want to be another guy. Secondly I was super focused on building my business and didn’t want her at the time. I was also not attracted to her or maybe I thought subconsciously that I could do better. And finally she dated my best friend for a month and then cheated on him.When the school year started Sarah dated yet another new guy and it only lasted a month. I once again got another opportunity to date her and decided not to because of the previous stuff I had mentioned and I was distracted. I think subconsciously I thought because she was breaking up so much that I could date her at anytime. She ended up dating a sophomore. They will be having their one year anniversary here soon and that is the day I plan to kill myself.I was so insecure as a child that I thought no girl would ever be interested in me. All during grade school I never fit in and out of 20 kids in our private grade school I was the only weird kid. I was so lonely and thought so differently than everyone else. I would try to fit in and be cool but it never worked out.When I got into high school I wanted to prove I was worth something to all the teachers, parents, students and especially to a girl that I was worth something. I started to fall for this girl sophomore year who was gorgeous but she was to popular and out of my league. Let’s call her Amy. I dreamed of dating someone so beautiful. When I dreamed about her I thought of those movies about high school. About the dances and the football games and all the things that make high school fun. At the time I was building a business and I foolishly decided that if I could build my business up to make tons of money by the time I was a senior I could impress Amy and win her over. Btw I had no idea how dating or loved worked thanks to going to a private school for 9 years with only 3 girls. (Btw no one ever dated all 9 years)So during the next two years I OBSESSED over my businesses. I had in that time probably 14 failed businesses but one ended up being a success that will maybe make six figures next year. This is the only thing I ever really did that I am actually proud of. However this obsession made me think the only way to get a girl is to make tons of money and if I didn’t do that then I didn’t deserve love nor did I want it.Once senior year began I worked tirelessly on my business and saw my business finally start to flourish. Sarah ended up doing her thing with her newest boyfriend and I did my thing. When the end of senior year started to come around I went to a basketball game and went out to eat with my friends and Sarah. That night I got a feeling I should have got a long time ago. I got a spark. I started to like her. This attraction only started growing more and more when the year started to wrap up. I watched her and her boyfriend walk down the hallway holding hands and loving each other. Each time I saw this was a stab in my heart. Throughout the year I stared to die inside. My friends started noticing a kid who would make everyone laugh and would be a hopeful ambitious person slowly started to fade.When prom came around it was the worst day of my life. I thought years ago it would have been one of the best. I saw the girl I liked take pictures with her boyfriend and everyone having fun with their dates. As the night went on I watched them dance together and love each other. That night everything clicked. I should have been the one holding her hands down the hallway. I should have been the one to go to those football games and watch her cheer. It should have been me taking those photos with her at prom and dancing with her that night. I was absolutely heartbroken to realize that the dream I wanted so badly had died in front of my eyes.Ever since that day I have had it. When I went to graduation I couldn’t believe it was over. I was shocked how horribly wrong everything went. All summer I have been depressed and each day has pushed me one step closer to death. They say time heals but as each day passes the feeling of regret grows stronger and stronger. I have lost all energy and hope. People will just tell me to move on or just to suck it up. I usually can do that when it comes to anything else but this scar is to deep. I have no idea what to do now. I don’t want to move on at all. I just want my dream to come true but you can’t change the past. I can’t live with this failure any longer. So that is why I will be ending my life.