How to tell if you're losing interest or if your avoidant attachment style is flaring up?

I (30F) have been seeing a guy (30M) for about three months now and for the first two months things were going great and I was pretty damn infatuated. Then, out of the blue, I just sort of started feeling frustrated over small, stupid things that either didn't bother me initially or that I found cute in the beginning. As far as the relationship itself, nothing has happened at all -- no fights, no deep, dark secrets revealed or anything of the sort.

​

I've just found myself mourning the abundance of free time that I had when I was single, feeling annoyed about relatively minor things (him interrupting me/overtalking me and not getting the hint when I proceed to try to finish my sentence -- he literally just continues to talk over me). At this point, he's way more into me than I am into him which is the exact opposite of how things began.

​

He's been a really great partner aside from some traits that have started to grate on me (i.e. the overtalking and being really nitpicky about usage of specific words sometimes -- think internet grammar police IRL) that I haven't even made an attempt to communicate about (it's on me to discuss things that bother me, I know...I just haven't wanted to do so because I've been waffling about staying in the relationship) so there's no reason for me to have just lost interest. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm actually just losing interest or if my avoidant attachment style is coming out to play. For what it's worth, I've spent the past five years multi-dating and generally bowing out between dates 2 and 5 and just jumping to the next person; this is the first time I've been exclusive with someone in ages.

​

I see a therapist and she and I have discussed how my attachment pattern is very much avoidant and how my anxiety is likely flaring up a bit, but I'm very curious to see how other avoidants know if they're just experiencing "symptoms" of their attachment type or if it's time to break up with someone.

​

TL;DR - How do you know when you're actually losing interest in someone and should break up with them vs. if you're just freaking out a little due to having an avoidant attachment style?



Submitted July 17, 2019 at 12:21AM

I (30F) have been seeing a guy (30M) for about three months now and for the first two months things were going great and I was pretty damn infatuated. Then, out of the blue, I just sort of started feeling frustrated over small, stupid things that either didn't bother me initially or that I found cute in the beginning. As far as the relationship itself, nothing has happened at all -- no fights, no deep, dark secrets revealed or anything of the sort.​I've just found myself mourning the abundance of free time that I had when I was single, feeling annoyed about relatively minor things (him interrupting me/overtalking me and not getting the hint when I proceed to try to finish my sentence -- he literally just continues to talk over me). At this point, he's way more into me than I am into him which is the exact opposite of how things began.​He's been a really great partner aside from some traits that have started to grate on me (i.e. the overtalking and being really nitpicky about usage of specific words sometimes -- think internet grammar police IRL) that I haven't even made an attempt to communicate about (it's on me to discuss things that bother me, I know...I just haven't wanted to do so because I've been waffling about staying in the relationship) so there's no reason for me to have just lost interest. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm actually just losing interest or if my avoidant attachment style is coming out to play. For what it's worth, I've spent the past five years multi-dating and generally bowing out between dates 2 and 5 and just jumping to the next person; this is the first time I've been exclusive with someone in ages.​I see a therapist and she and I have discussed how my attachment pattern is very much avoidant and how my anxiety is likely flaring up a bit, but I'm very curious to see how other avoidants know if they're just experiencing "symptoms" of their attachment type or if it's time to break up with someone.​TL;DR - How do you know when you're actually losing interest in someone and should break up with them vs. if you're just freaking out a little due to having an avoidant attachment style?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more