How to tell if you're losing interest or if your avoidant attachment style is flaring up?

I (30F) have been seeing a guy (30M) for about three months now and for the first two months things were going great and I was pretty damn infatuated. Then, out of the blue, I just sort of started feeling frustrated over small, stupid things that either didn't bother me initially or that I found cute in the beginning. As far as the relationship itself, nothing has happened at all -- no fights, no deep, dark secrets revealed or anything of the sort.

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I've just found myself mourning the abundance of free time that I had when I was single, feeling annoyed about relatively minor things (him interrupting me/overtalking me and not getting the hint when I proceed to try to finish my sentence -- he literally just continues to talk over me). At this point, he's way more into me than I am into him which is the exact opposite of how things began.

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He's been a really great partner aside from some traits that have started to grate on me (i.e. the overtalking and being really nitpicky about usage of specific words sometimes -- think internet grammar police IRL) that I haven't even made an attempt to communicate about (it's on me to discuss things that bother me, I know...I just haven't wanted to do so because I've been waffling about staying in the relationship) so there's no reason for me to have just lost interest. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm actually just losing interest or if my avoidant attachment style is coming out to play. For what it's worth, I've spent the past five years multi-dating and generally bowing out between dates 2 and 5 and just jumping to the next person; this is the first time I've been exclusive with someone in ages.

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I see a therapist and she and I have discussed how my attachment pattern is very much avoidant and how my anxiety is likely flaring up a bit, but I'm very curious to see how other avoidants know if they're just experiencing "symptoms" of their attachment type or if it's time to break up with someone.

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TL;DR - How do you know when you're actually losing interest in someone and should break up with them vs. if you're just freaking out a little due to having an avoidant attachment style?



Submitted July 17, 2019 at 12:21AM

I (30F) have been seeing a guy (30M) for about three months now and for the first two months things were going great and I was pretty damn infatuated. Then, out of the blue, I just sort of started feeling frustrated over small, stupid things that either didn't bother me initially or that I found cute in the beginning. As far as the relationship itself, nothing has happened at all -- no fights, no deep, dark secrets revealed or anything of the sort.​I've just found myself mourning the abundance of free time that I had when I was single, feeling annoyed about relatively minor things (him interrupting me/overtalking me and not getting the hint when I proceed to try to finish my sentence -- he literally just continues to talk over me). At this point, he's way more into me than I am into him which is the exact opposite of how things began.​He's been a really great partner aside from some traits that have started to grate on me (i.e. the overtalking and being really nitpicky about usage of specific words sometimes -- think internet grammar police IRL) that I haven't even made an attempt to communicate about (it's on me to discuss things that bother me, I know...I just haven't wanted to do so because I've been waffling about staying in the relationship) so there's no reason for me to have just lost interest. At this point, I'm not sure if I'm actually just losing interest or if my avoidant attachment style is coming out to play. For what it's worth, I've spent the past five years multi-dating and generally bowing out between dates 2 and 5 and just jumping to the next person; this is the first time I've been exclusive with someone in ages.​I see a therapist and she and I have discussed how my attachment pattern is very much avoidant and how my anxiety is likely flaring up a bit, but I'm very curious to see how other avoidants know if they're just experiencing "symptoms" of their attachment type or if it's time to break up with someone.​TL;DR - How do you know when you're actually losing interest in someone and should break up with them vs. if you're just freaking out a little due to having an avoidant attachment style?
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