/u/tbabby on smash or pass

When I was in high school there was a smash or pass list. One for boys that rated the girls and another for girls that ranked the boys. And eventually every clique had a version, like theater kids, football team, dance squad etc. So there were about 10-20 sheets of paper around that ranked a little differently. Like you could be #3 on one list but #15 on another. Most lists stopped at 50 and if you weren’t on it, then you you were a loser. (Oh my god this sounds terrible now that I say the story out loud)

But I remember all my friends making paper cut outs of all the boys’ names and switching them around. “Jacob and Mike are tied for number one.” “NO! Justin should be number one.” I never really caught on as to how they were ranking the guys. To me there was no scale at all. Like yea I could recognize aesthetic attraction in individuals but I distinctly remember not being able to tell why a guy was #5 or #20. If two men we’re hot, I couldn’t tell which was hotter. I felt left out; I didn’t have a scale and I didn’t know why. I didn’t want to smash anyone let alone see who was the most smash-able. And everyday this sex list was pushed in my face.

And these were some serious lists. Girls and boys were literally decorating it with cardboard paper, glitter, etc. Girls were writing the list in cursive and calligraphy. And believe it or not, the guys list was just as ornate. These guys drew hearts, titties, and rap lyric typography. So imagine 10-20 intensely decorated papers titled “smash or pass” and a list of names. And back them, cell phones were not something everyone had so it was just the lists. But for that entire year, everyone only wanted to talk about that list and I never “got it.”

And on the flip side, even though I didn’t get smash or pass, I still wanted to be on the list. There was a lot of social pressure for me to feel and be attractive. I was #2 on one list, #4, #7, and #32. I cried when I was #32. And i was perplexed because I didn’t really understand the criteria for the list but was being pressured to be on it anyway.

Eventually the teachers found out and FLIPPED. I definitely understand why. We were put on silent lunch for the rest of the year, there were anti bullying assemblies and all the dances, including homecoming was canceled. Spirit week stuff like “best dressed” and “most likely to succeed” was also cancelled and taken out of the yearbook. So not only did I not “get it” but I had to spend my junior year on lock down. We even had to write letters apologizing and I didn’t even know what to apologize for.

June 16, 2019 at 11:54PM