Do I only like people when they like me first? Or am I just convincing myself there’s something there?

Last year I (20F) used to hang out with a group of friends. One of my friends (23M) had a crush on me, but I didn’t know about it. I had absolutely no interest in this man. My other friend (21M) told me about the crush. After that, I started obsessing about every interaction I had with him, imagining the things he thought about me. After a few months, he asked me out and we hung out more alone. I felt so comfortable that I lost my virginity to him. As emotionally safe as I felt, I never felt attracted to his appearance. I don’t mean that in a mean way, he’s nice. I just didn’t look at him and want to fuck him. The idea of him wanting to fuck me is what made me able to. When he broke things off from what had been our situationship since he was moving, I was very sad. I still think about it a lot. But I realized that in the future I should go after people I’m attracted to instead of just feeling comfortable with. Now I feel like I lost a friend for no reason.

Last summer at my 21st birthday party (while I was still in the situationship) a different friend (21M) drunkly told a bunch of people that he thinks I’m hot. When I heard this later, it honestly upset me because I’ve known him almost 4 years, and I was running around in a bikini that day. All of a sudden he’s interested?

Fast forward to now… (I’m 21)

After hanging out in groups much more often with the boy (21M) from my party, he asked my friends at the bar if he had a chance with me. They told him no because of how I reacted last time. And because they think I’m out of his league. I’ve never been attracted to him. But since hearing that he was still interested after getting to know me better, I keep thinking about him. I overthink our interactions. Lately I’ve been wishing I had something romantic in my life. Even just a fling. Last night I had a dream that we had sex. It was a nice dream, but I’m so confused with myself.

Is there a reason I’m creating these feelings and obsessing over them only AFTER hearing that someone is interested? Is this some kind of complex? Is it normal? I feel so weird about it. And because I feel conflicted I feel like I’m confusing him. I’m nervous that I’m going to lead him on and hurt him. I’m nervous that I’m going to lead him on purposefully and then sleep with him and pretend there’s something there only to later realize I made it all up. I don’t want to lose another friend.

I know I’m overthinking. But I just wish I had someone I was crazy about from the start that also wanted me. I’ve had crushes before. I’ve met real people that I think are attractive. But it never seems realistic.



Submitted December 13, 2021 at 11:56PM

Last year I (20F) used to hang out with a group of friends. One of my friends (23M) had a crush on me, but I didn’t know about it. I had absolutely no interest in this man. My other friend (21M) told me about the crush. After that, I started obsessing about every interaction I had with him, imagining the things he thought about me. After a few months, he asked me out and we hung out more alone. I felt so comfortable that I lost my virginity to him. As emotionally safe as I felt, I never felt attracted to his appearance. I don’t mean that in a mean way, he’s nice. I just didn’t look at him and want to fuck him. The idea of him wanting to fuck me is what made me able to. When he broke things off from what had been our situationship since he was moving, I was very sad. I still think about it a lot. But I realized that in the future I should go after people I’m attracted to instead of just feeling comfortable with. Now I feel like I lost a friend for no reason.Last summer at my 21st birthday party (while I was still in the situationship) a different friend (21M) drunkly told a bunch of people that he thinks I’m hot. When I heard this later, it honestly upset me because I’ve known him almost 4 years, and I was running around in a bikini that day. All of a sudden he’s interested?Fast forward to now… (I’m 21)After hanging out in groups much more often with the boy (21M) from my party, he asked my friends at the bar if he had a chance with me. They told him no because of how I reacted last time. And because they think I’m out of his league. I’ve never been attracted to him. But since hearing that he was still interested after getting to know me better, I keep thinking about him. I overthink our interactions. Lately I’ve been wishing I had something romantic in my life. Even just a fling. Last night I had a dream that we had sex. It was a nice dream, but I’m so confused with myself.Is there a reason I’m creating these feelings and obsessing over them only AFTER hearing that someone is interested? Is this some kind of complex? Is it normal? I feel so weird about it. And because I feel conflicted I feel like I’m confusing him. I’m nervous that I’m going to lead him on and hurt him. I’m nervous that I’m going to lead him on purposefully and then sleep with him and pretend there’s something there only to later realize I made it all up. I don’t want to lose another friend.I know I’m overthinking. But I just wish I had someone I was crazy about from the start that also wanted me. I’ve had crushes before. I’ve met real people that I think are attractive. But it never seems realistic.
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