Uncertain about my ex-boyfriend's wishes

Firstly, let me contextualize the situation. Me and my now ex-boyfriend (officially) dated for almost 7 months. It was quite healthy, as all of our 'arguments' stemmed from our dire need for trust, communication and affection. We had helped each other flourish quite a lot, as we overcame a plethora of problems together (such as my childhood sexual assault trauma, his lack of trust and security, ect.) This had caused us to grow extremely attached to each other, even though we were aware of the fact that we will most likely be forced to split apart due to our young age and incompatible families.

Yet, he broke up with me a week ago, without any prior warning whatsoever. I asked him to explain his reasoning behind it and he blamed his depleting mental health. A month prior to our breakup, I had noticed his change in mood and encouraged him to book a therapy session. He refused to do so and tried to convince me that he would be alright. During the same time period, we had almost broken up due to the fact that we were anxiously attached to each other. But, unsurprisingly, our opinions had changed an hour later and we decided to appreciate the time that we have left.

For the first time in almost a year, we didn't talk for over a day. Though I attempted to understand his decision, it still shocked me dearly. Since I am quite mentally unstable myself (unsurprisingly), I regularly experienced anxiety attacks related to my concern that he might be planning to take his own life. I refused to consume any type of meal for a few days due to the painful nausea I was experiencing. I turned to benzodiazepines, but they didn't necessarily help. I simply could not bear the thought of him being in any sort of pain. Nevertheless, while intoxicated, I decided to message him and asked for a favor; for him to tell me how his day went on a regular basis, with the goal of sparing my sanity. He agreed to do so, but cut the conversation short due to the fact that I was not sober.

It has been two days since this had happened and he has been consistent with his recaps so far. Yet, our conversations are too painful to withstand sometimes. Though I asked him to simply tell me about his day, his messages quickly escalate. He has told me that he physically shakes whenever he texts me or sees me in real life. He confessed that he regularly cries while complying with my favor and that I stress him out. I asked him if he didn't want to message me anymore, but he ignored what I said. He proceeded to tell me that he regularly tries to distract himself from me because he breaks down if he doesn't. Yet, when I try to end the conversation, he continues it, even though he says that he doesn't want to talk anymore. He has told me that he appreciates my care 'beyond my knowledge', as well as that he is concerned about my wellbeing as well. I am uncertain if he wishes me to leave his life entirely.

My closest friends have advised me to never talk to him again (as they think that he is guilt-tripping me), but I do not know if I can do that due to my anxiety surrounding his wellbeing. I'm just extremely confused. I really do care about him.

Submitted November 03, 2021 at 12:10AM

Firstly, let me contextualize the situation. Me and my now ex-boyfriend (officially) dated for almost 7 months. It was quite healthy, as all of our 'arguments' stemmed from our dire need for trust, communication and affection. We had helped each other flourish quite a lot, as we overcame a plethora of problems together (such as my childhood sexual assault trauma, his lack of trust and security, ect.) This had caused us to grow extremely attached to each other, even though we were aware of the fact that we will most likely be forced to split apart due to our young age and incompatible families.Yet, he broke up with me a week ago, without any prior warning whatsoever. I asked him to explain his reasoning behind it and he blamed his depleting mental health. A month prior to our breakup, I had noticed his change in mood and encouraged him to book a therapy session. He refused to do so and tried to convince me that he would be alright. During the same time period, we had almost broken up due to the fact that we were anxiously attached to each other. But, unsurprisingly, our opinions had changed an hour later and we decided to appreciate the time that we have left.For the first time in almost a year, we didn't talk for over a day. Though I attempted to understand his decision, it still shocked me dearly. Since I am quite mentally unstable myself (unsurprisingly), I regularly experienced anxiety attacks related to my concern that he might be planning to take his own life. I refused to consume any type of meal for a few days due to the painful nausea I was experiencing. I turned to benzodiazepines, but they didn't necessarily help. I simply could not bear the thought of him being in any sort of pain. Nevertheless, while intoxicated, I decided to message him and asked for a favor; for him to tell me how his day went on a regular basis, with the goal of sparing my sanity. He agreed to do so, but cut the conversation short due to the fact that I was not sober.It has been two days since this had happened and he has been consistent with his recaps so far. Yet, our conversations are too painful to withstand sometimes. Though I asked him to simply tell me about his day, his messages quickly escalate. He has told me that he physically shakes whenever he texts me or sees me in real life. He confessed that he regularly cries while complying with my favor and that I stress him out. I asked him if he didn't want to message me anymore, but he ignored what I said. He proceeded to tell me that he regularly tries to distract himself from me because he breaks down if he doesn't. Yet, when I try to end the conversation, he continues it, even though he says that he doesn't want to talk anymore. He has told me that he appreciates my care 'beyond my knowledge', as well as that he is concerned about my wellbeing as well. I am uncertain if he wishes me to leave his life entirely.My closest friends have advised me to never talk to him again (as they think that he is guilt-tripping me), but I do not know if I can do that due to my anxiety surrounding his wellbeing. I'm just extremely confused. I really do care about him.