I (19F) feel myself drawn sexually to my rapist

I don’t understand why? It happened earlier this year by a friend of mine. I don’t get why i feel attracted to him.

I wonder if i actually enjoyed what happened to me. Although i said no, i can’t shake the feeling that it felt good. I feel like something is wrong with me for thinking like that. i have nightmares & panic attacks about the situation but whenever me and my current boyfriend is having sex i think back to that night & it’s like i start enjoying our sex more.

I sometimes wish my boyfriend would do that to me.. Just be overly aggressive with me but he is a naturally soft & loving type of man.

I hate when i cry about it because i feel like i’m lying to myself?? Like i’m not traumatized about what happened? idk i just feel like i’m really fucked up for thinking this way.



Submitted November 17, 2021 at 11:27PM

I don’t understand why? It happened earlier this year by a friend of mine. I don’t get why i feel attracted to him.I wonder if i actually enjoyed what happened to me. Although i said no, i can’t shake the feeling that it felt good. I feel like something is wrong with me for thinking like that. i have nightmares & panic attacks about the situation but whenever me and my current boyfriend is having sex i think back to that night & it’s like i start enjoying our sex more.I sometimes wish my boyfriend would do that to me.. Just be overly aggressive with me but he is a naturally soft & loving type of man.I hate when i cry about it because i feel like i’m lying to myself?? Like i’m not traumatized about what happened? idk i just feel like i’m really fucked up for thinking this way.
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