i don’t feel desired by my boyfriend anymore

i (early 20’s) can’t tell if this is all in my head, or maybe i’m just having an issue with seeking validation or wanting sex as a form of feeling loved, i don’t know. i do struggle from sexual trauma but i don’t cry during sex or get panic attacks anymore, so maybe this is how it’s been showing up?

but anyway, recently i have noticed i’m the only one initiating. my boyfriend used to initiate a lot, like waking me up for sex, touching me even when we’re in public, whispering in my ear he wants to have sex when we get home, etc. but he doesn’t even try to have sex with me anymore. i always initiate, and when we have sex it’s great and he’s really into it, but if i don’t initiate we just don’t have sex.

i’m not sure what it is. is he tired of my body? we’ve been together for two years. i’ve tried to be more exciting and give him more blow jobs and even offered to try anal but no change. told him he doesn’t have to make me finish anymore either. one night i cried telling him how i feel and he says sometimes he just wants to hold me instead and he feels like we’ve just been having so much sex in our relationship he wants to spend some more quality time together. i get that but what’s wrong with wanting to be desired once a day or two? like it’s not like i’m asking to have sex all the time.

he’s not on any medications. he doesn’t have self confidence issues, he’s a very secure guy. i can’t help but blame myself.

Submitted October 19, 2021 at 12:42AM

i (early 20’s) can’t tell if this is all in my head, or maybe i’m just having an issue with seeking validation or wanting sex as a form of feeling loved, i don’t know. i do struggle from sexual trauma but i don’t cry during sex or get panic attacks anymore, so maybe this is how it’s been showing up?but anyway, recently i have noticed i’m the only one initiating. my boyfriend used to initiate a lot, like waking me up for sex, touching me even when we’re in public, whispering in my ear he wants to have sex when we get home, etc. but he doesn’t even try to have sex with me anymore. i always initiate, and when we have sex it’s great and he’s really into it, but if i don’t initiate we just don’t have sex.i’m not sure what it is. is he tired of my body? we’ve been together for two years. i’ve tried to be more exciting and give him more blow jobs and even offered to try anal but no change. told him he doesn’t have to make me finish anymore either. one night i cried telling him how i feel and he says sometimes he just wants to hold me instead and he feels like we’ve just been having so much sex in our relationship he wants to spend some more quality time together. i get that but what’s wrong with wanting to be desired once a day or two? like it’s not like i’m asking to have sex all the time.he’s not on any medications. he doesn’t have self confidence issues, he’s a very secure guy. i can’t help but blame myself.