Scared of feeling inside vaginas?

To start things off I'm a 19 year old girl and have vaginismus. Which is basically where penetration is either too painful or impossible to achieve. My other issue is that whenever I think of actually feeling around in there I feel lightheaded. Almost like someone who faints when they see blood I guess. It's not the pain part that bothers me but I hate the thought of sticking my finger somewhere where I can't see anything and just have to feel around different textures and wonder what the hell it is I'm touching. I know it's ridiculous because it's my body and vaginas have existed since the beginning of time so why is it so scary to me? I just feel having this fear may be contributing to my condition and it's slowing down the healing process. What is even more hilarious is that I'm gay. I'm very sexually attracted to women and want to be with one but yet I have a fear of vaginas??? I know this is just something where eventually I'm just gonna have to suck it up and just do it. I'm just embarrassed by this and don't understand what the hell is wrong with me.



Submitted September 27, 2021 at 11:41PM

To start things off I'm a 19 year old girl and have vaginismus. Which is basically where penetration is either too painful or impossible to achieve. My other issue is that whenever I think of actually feeling around in there I feel lightheaded. Almost like someone who faints when they see blood I guess. It's not the pain part that bothers me but I hate the thought of sticking my finger somewhere where I can't see anything and just have to feel around different textures and wonder what the hell it is I'm touching. I know it's ridiculous because it's my body and vaginas have existed since the beginning of time so why is it so scary to me? I just feel having this fear may be contributing to my condition and it's slowing down the healing process. What is even more hilarious is that I'm gay. I'm very sexually attracted to women and want to be with one but yet I have a fear of vaginas??? I know this is just something where eventually I'm just gonna have to suck it up and just do it. I'm just embarrassed by this and don't understand what the hell is wrong with me.
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