Letting go of someone with mental illness

I recently started dating this girl (f21) who I met on tinder. It's been 4 weeks since we met and she's mentioned multiple times she has a lot of trauma with men, has severe anxiety and depression, and also dissociates whenever trying to do menial tasks - driving more anxiety and depression. She does not exhibit any of these things when we are around and sometimes our dates last more than 12 hours. Her father has said when I'm not around she gets down and sad and is a different person.

My previous relationship was with someone who also had severe anxiety and depression and I told myself I wouldn't date someone like that again unless I saw they were actively working toward healing (therapy, meditation, physical activity, etc.).

We have a wonderful time together but I don't want to be her crutch to feel good. I also don't want to get into the "I must change her" mindset. Her happiness and mental well-being is not my responsibility.

We have not slept together yet and I don't think I can if she tries, given the reservations that I have about her.

I don't want to be someone's life jacket. Are these concerns justified? How do I let someone down from the good place I've brought them to?



Submitted September 28, 2021 at 12:06AM

I recently started dating this girl (f21) who I met on tinder. It's been 4 weeks since we met and she's mentioned multiple times she has a lot of trauma with men, has severe anxiety and depression, and also dissociates whenever trying to do menial tasks - driving more anxiety and depression. She does not exhibit any of these things when we are around and sometimes our dates last more than 12 hours. Her father has said when I'm not around she gets down and sad and is a different person.My previous relationship was with someone who also had severe anxiety and depression and I told myself I wouldn't date someone like that again unless I saw they were actively working toward healing (therapy, meditation, physical activity, etc.).We have a wonderful time together but I don't want to be her crutch to feel good. I also don't want to get into the "I must change her" mindset. Her happiness and mental well-being is not my responsibility.We have not slept together yet and I don't think I can if she tries, given the reservations that I have about her.I don't want to be someone's life jacket. Are these concerns justified? How do I let someone down from the good place I've brought them to?
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