/u/HavePlushieWillTalk on What if I don't want to be asexual

Asexuality comes with grieving the allosexual you tried to be for too long. I was much better taking on my asexuality than my aromantcism. I'm not... I am not at peace with that. I guess it took all the time that I had to dismantle my programming and cut out the bits of code which I installed in imitate sexual attraction and realise that without it I was still me, I was more me, and I was functional. Lots of introspection and gentleness with myself.

But I think you can't be gentle with yourself because your boyfriend won't let you. He may not mean to but he is pressuring you. Why on God's green earth can't he just accept the way YOU want to have sex? You want to do stuff to him to make him happy, cool, he should let you and not reciprocate since you don't want to and it makes you feel bad about yourself. Sex should have ENTHUSIASTIC consent and you are just not enthusiastic.

You should talk to him and tell him about what you're comfortable with and not. If he respects that you can try having sex that doesn't destroy you as a human being and then you should check in with yourself about how you feel about you. If you can be in your relationship comfortably without being MADE to be uncomfortable, you'll probably have a better time. But YOU need to advocate for yourself and your boyfriend has to listen. You can't change yourself, you can only accept or reject yourself. You will be no different, except in how happy you are.





February 21, 2021 at 11:49PM
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