Is it considered normal/appropriate to hit on your friend's +1 or date in a get-together?

I (29F) have been seeing a guy, James (27M) for a few months. He recently invited me to a party where 3 of his other friends were also invited. His three friends are polyamorous: the girl, her "primary" boyfriend, and her secondary boyfriend. The party was going great and I had a nice time interacting with his friends, but it felt to me that the girl and her primary boyfriend were hitting on me and trying to sleep with me, which was very intriguing to me, given I was James +1 in the party. This was also the first time a girl was so openly yet subtly hitting on me -- I was flattered, sure, for a bit. I later brought it up with James and he mentioned that yeah they find me attractive and they have tried to sleep with his past dates as well. So they hit on all of his dates, understood.

Although it was a small incident and it doesn't bother me much, but I was curious as to whether it is considered appropriate/normal to hit on a friend's date or +1 in western culture. James is white, born and raised in California, and this was in SF. I'm not white, and I've only been in the US for 5 years. I've been introduced as +1's of other American guys in the past and the friends always treat you with a respect and as being someone's +1, not a single entity that can be hit on at parties. Where I come from, it would be considered inappropriate and rude to do that. I also felt a little creeped out tbh. I'm not sure if this is the right sub for this, but just wanted to get your opinion!



Submitted February 28, 2021 at 12:03AM

I (29F) have been seeing a guy, James (27M) for a few months. He recently invited me to a party where 3 of his other friends were also invited. His three friends are polyamorous: the girl, her "primary" boyfriend, and her secondary boyfriend. The party was going great and I had a nice time interacting with his friends, but it felt to me that the girl and her primary boyfriend were hitting on me and trying to sleep with me, which was very intriguing to me, given I was James +1 in the party. This was also the first time a girl was so openly yet subtly hitting on me -- I was flattered, sure, for a bit. I later brought it up with James and he mentioned that yeah they find me attractive and they have tried to sleep with his past dates as well. So they hit on all of his dates, understood.Although it was a small incident and it doesn't bother me much, but I was curious as to whether it is considered appropriate/normal to hit on a friend's date or +1 in western culture. James is white, born and raised in California, and this was in SF. I'm not white, and I've only been in the US for 5 years. I've been introduced as +1's of other American guys in the past and the friends always treat you with a respect and as being someone's +1, not a single entity that can be hit on at parties. Where I come from, it would be considered inappropriate and rude to do that. I also felt a little creeped out tbh. I'm not sure if this is the right sub for this, but just wanted to get your opinion!
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