Dealing with conflicting feelings about my ex while dating other people. I don’t know what to do?

I recently met a stand up guy named (V.) He is the type of guy you read about in dating articles that you think doesn’t exist in real life. We’ve gone out on two dates and so far I’m blown away. Two months ago I got out of a relationship with (A). I was the first woman he ever actually dated in Canada. In his own way he showed me through his actions that he really cared about me. The problem is he is Muslim and I am not which will be relevant later on. From what he told me about his child hood I could tell he was never encouraged to display his emotions. He was emotionally very closed off and had a hard time communicating his feelings. This created a lot of problems for us as I often felt under appreciated and not cared for. After shit hit the fan, he told me he was visiting his family back home for awhile. Since we had been through so much (arguments, unplanned pregnancy and termination) I assumed he would have ended things by this point. We talked on the phone and a giant blow out ensued, he said what we were doing was a ‘sin’ and that he felt conflicted. I was very hurt and we spent a week apart and then started to see each other again. He even asked if “I missed this” which I very much did.....

I finally felt like we made a break through. After all, I’m Christian and nothing in the bible forbids us from being together. But the night before he left we broke up because he didn’t know when he would be back. He then said “we come from different backgrounds” and that a relationship implies a swift engagement and marriage which he wasn’t ready for. I said the same as we are only in our early 20s but was gobsmacked and felt it was cruel he kept me to himself all this time knowing about this trip and the indefinite time he’d be gone. He continued to message me afterwards and since I was absolutely crushed I sent him a really nasty message then blocked him.

After two months I was down and unblocked to say I missed him and I wished to see him when he was back. I deleted the app I had messaged him on thinking that he wouldn’t reply. I was finally making peace with the situation and began to date other people. So thats when I met V, and after our first date I was smitten. Then the following day I received messages from A on multiple platforms. The problem is, I have never experienced such a strong connection as I have with A.

Although our time together was far from perfect we kept finding our way back to eachother and thats happened again. He gave me a timeline of when he expected to be back implying that we’d see each other when the time came. Now I’m involved with V and this guy is stellar. But I’m having such a hard time developing feelings for him because I’m distracted by A. I’ve never felt such a strong pull towards someone until I met A and every guy pales in comparison. We were together for almost a year and I never felt bored or tempted by other guys. But V is the real deal, he is ready for a real relationship and has already shown through his actions that I would be a priority in his life. Should I continue to see V? I’m not ready to cut off A but I don’t want to put myself in a position where I’d pass on a good thing with V. Any advice would be REALLY helpful.

Submitted February 27, 2021 at 11:50PM

I recently met a stand up guy named (V.) He is the type of guy you read about in dating articles that you think doesn’t exist in real life. We’ve gone out on two dates and so far I’m blown away. Two months ago I got out of a relationship with (A). I was the first woman he ever actually dated in Canada. In his own way he showed me through his actions that he really cared about me. The problem is he is Muslim and I am not which will be relevant later on. From what he told me about his child hood I could tell he was never encouraged to display his emotions. He was emotionally very closed off and had a hard time communicating his feelings. This created a lot of problems for us as I often felt under appreciated and not cared for. After shit hit the fan, he told me he was visiting his family back home for awhile. Since we had been through so much (arguments, unplanned pregnancy and termination) I assumed he would have ended things by this point. We talked on the phone and a giant blow out ensued, he said what we were doing was a ‘sin’ and that he felt conflicted. I was very hurt and we spent a week apart and then started to see each other again. He even asked if “I missed this” which I very much did.....I finally felt like we made a break through. After all, I’m Christian and nothing in the bible forbids us from being together. But the night before he left we broke up because he didn’t know when he would be back. He then said “we come from different backgrounds” and that a relationship implies a swift engagement and marriage which he wasn’t ready for. I said the same as we are only in our early 20s but was gobsmacked and felt it was cruel he kept me to himself all this time knowing about this trip and the indefinite time he’d be gone. He continued to message me afterwards and since I was absolutely crushed I sent him a really nasty message then blocked him.After two months I was down and unblocked to say I missed him and I wished to see him when he was back. I deleted the app I had messaged him on thinking that he wouldn’t reply. I was finally making peace with the situation and began to date other people. So thats when I met V, and after our first date I was smitten. Then the following day I received messages from A on multiple platforms. The problem is, I have never experienced such a strong connection as I have with A.Although our time together was far from perfect we kept finding our way back to eachother and thats happened again. He gave me a timeline of when he expected to be back implying that we’d see each other when the time came. Now I’m involved with V and this guy is stellar. But I’m having such a hard time developing feelings for him because I’m distracted by A. I’ve never felt such a strong pull towards someone until I met A and every guy pales in comparison. We were together for almost a year and I never felt bored or tempted by other guys. But V is the real deal, he is ready for a real relationship and has already shown through his actions that I would be a priority in his life. Should I continue to see V? I’m not ready to cut off A but I don’t want to put myself in a position where I’d pass on a good thing with V. Any advice would be REALLY helpful.