/u/some_random_old_guy on Hello there, allo lurkers! I have a question. What does sexual attraction feel like?

I'm very tired right now so I'll probably miss stuff, but I'll give it a go and hopefully other commenters can fill in the blanks. A lot of this is how i personally experience it, I don't actually know if other allos feel the same way (it'd be awkward to ask about and most of all not really necessary even if you're talking about people you find attractive when you're in an environment where you're all allos)

I'd make a distinction between sexual attraction and sexual arousal to begin with. Obviously a lot of aces feel sexual arousal, which to me ends up being a range of things, ranging from physical stuff like erections and salivating a bit more to having less coherent thoughts in your head and more "mm, yes, sex."

Sexual attraction can obviously have that stuff, if you're attracted to someone you'll undoubtedly get aroused by them at some point or another. However you can still feel attraction without being fully aroused, in which case it's like looking at someone and going, "yeah they look good, I would have sex with them". Often I involuntarily picture myself in bed with them for a second (which is kind of weird the more I think about it lol). You're very aware of how their body looks and drawn to things you find attractive. For me I sort of can't stop thinking about sexy stuff with them because my brain becomes a mush and it's harder to focus on coherent thoughts.

I guess the analogy of wanting to eat a cake sort of works, but to get the same sort of reaction as feeling attracted to someone you'd probably have to have not eaten a cake for months and suddenly you see a really good looking cake. Obviously with feeling sexual attraction you'll see people you find attractive very regularly, but it's that same sort of reaction.

I'm sort of rambling now, if you have any specific questions I'm happy to have a go at answering! I kind of felt called out by the "Allo lurkers" in the title because that's exactly what I've been doing for a few months lol. I've been dating my ace girlfriend for over 6 months now and it's definitely given me a new perspective on sexual attraction. Trying to describe things to an ace makes me realise how weird they sound even though it's pretty much normal for me.





October 19, 2020 at 11:26PM
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