We've been on one date but she won't stop texting me 24/7 even after I was very direct with her about my feelings. How do I get out of this situation without hurting her?

I (28F) matched with a woman (32F) on tinder back in June. We had a great initial conversation and quickly exchanged numbers. Ended up texting all night. She lives in another state about an hour and a half drive from me and I don't have a car so I figured it was never going to go anywhere, but I had been lonely in quarantine and appreciated the conversation (she was briefly within my match radius while visiting friends in my city). We discussed this roadblock and she began openly talking to me about other OLD matches and sending screenshots of funny/weird profiles so I figured we were on the same page about not looking for anything serious with one another due to the distance.

A couple days later she started texting me out of the blue a LOT. Like, sending me a picture of what she ate for dinner or telling me how many miles she biked or about the smoothie she was making. None of it was related to our initial conversation and we hadn't actually met at that point so it felt a bit weird to me. She initiated all of our conversations but I would usually respond, figuring she seemed like a cool person and maybe she was just a bigger texter than I am. There hadn't been any real red flags at that point....but after a while constant updates from someone you've never met and might never meet get a bit old, so I started responding slower or less often. She would double and even triple text when I was slow to reply.

By this point I decided I wasn't feeling it and pretty much stopped responding. One night she happened to be in my city and I was lonely and bored and gave in when she repeatedly asked if we could meet up. We had a few drinks, a decent if not super exciting conversation, and ended up sleeping together. Based on how we'd already talked about the distance being an issue and how she automatically assumed she'd be sleeping over I figured she was just looking for a hookup, which I was fine with, but the next day she started texting me even MORE and constantly asking me to come down and hang out with her. When I made polite excuses related to lack of transportation and being busy she started getting very salty and saying things like "Okay, your loss. Have a nice life. Take care of yourself and {Dog}" or she'd send me a picture of some hot person and be like "I'd bang her" and when I responded "lol me too" she'd go "I see, so that's your M.O. isn't it?" It was like a very passive aggressive way of calling me out for not taking things further after what I'd assumed was just a hookup. When I ignored these texts she'd follow up hours later with an apology. It was very strange and not something I've experienced from dates as an adult.

I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the way she was talking to me and I figured maybe it was my fault for not communicating that I was just looking for something casual due to the distance. I finally sent her a lengthy text explaining that while I enjoyed getting to know her and had fun hanging out with her the other night I didn't feel like we were looking for the same thing and I didn't want to hurt her because I'm not able to give her what she's looking for at the moment. I was super nice about it, told her she seems like a really good person and I don't want to lead her on because I can't give her what she needs right now. She took it well and I was very relieved...until the constant texting started up again a couple days later. She has stopped asking me to hang out or even hinting at us getting together again but she continues to text me every little detail of her life even when I ignore two or three messages in a row. After getting 3 separate texts hours apart I tend to feel guilty and respond because I don't want to ghost her and hurt her feelings.

I am kind of at a loss for what to do here but the constant texting is making me uncomfortable, especially because she has been to my apartment and also followed me on instagram. I feel like she means well and is probably a good person but she's very clingy and even though I was super direct with her she's not getting the hint. What should I do?

Submitted September 03, 2020 at 11:57PM

I (28F) matched with a woman (32F) on tinder back in June. We had a great initial conversation and quickly exchanged numbers. Ended up texting all night. She lives in another state about an hour and a half drive from me and I don't have a car so I figured it was never going to go anywhere, but I had been lonely in quarantine and appreciated the conversation (she was briefly within my match radius while visiting friends in my city). We discussed this roadblock and she began openly talking to me about other OLD matches and sending screenshots of funny/weird profiles so I figured we were on the same page about not looking for anything serious with one another due to the distance.A couple days later she started texting me out of the blue a LOT. Like, sending me a picture of what she ate for dinner or telling me how many miles she biked or about the smoothie she was making. None of it was related to our initial conversation and we hadn't actually met at that point so it felt a bit weird to me. She initiated all of our conversations but I would usually respond, figuring she seemed like a cool person and maybe she was just a bigger texter than I am. There hadn't been any real red flags at that point....but after a while constant updates from someone you've never met and might never meet get a bit old, so I started responding slower or less often. She would double and even triple text when I was slow to reply.By this point I decided I wasn't feeling it and pretty much stopped responding. One night she happened to be in my city and I was lonely and bored and gave in when she repeatedly asked if we could meet up. We had a few drinks, a decent if not super exciting conversation, and ended up sleeping together. Based on how we'd already talked about the distance being an issue and how she automatically assumed she'd be sleeping over I figured she was just looking for a hookup, which I was fine with, but the next day she started texting me even MORE and constantly asking me to come down and hang out with her. When I made polite excuses related to lack of transportation and being busy she started getting very salty and saying things like "Okay, your loss. Have a nice life. Take care of yourself and {Dog}" or she'd send me a picture of some hot person and be like "I'd bang her" and when I responded "lol me too" she'd go "I see, so that's your M.O. isn't it?" It was like a very passive aggressive way of calling me out for not taking things further after what I'd assumed was just a hookup. When I ignored these texts she'd follow up hours later with an apology. It was very strange and not something I've experienced from dates as an adult.I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the way she was talking to me and I figured maybe it was my fault for not communicating that I was just looking for something casual due to the distance. I finally sent her a lengthy text explaining that while I enjoyed getting to know her and had fun hanging out with her the other night I didn't feel like we were looking for the same thing and I didn't want to hurt her because I'm not able to give her what she's looking for at the moment. I was super nice about it, told her she seems like a really good person and I don't want to lead her on because I can't give her what she needs right now. She took it well and I was very relieved...until the constant texting started up again a couple days later. She has stopped asking me to hang out or even hinting at us getting together again but she continues to text me every little detail of her life even when I ignore two or three messages in a row. After getting 3 separate texts hours apart I tend to feel guilty and respond because I don't want to ghost her and hurt her feelings.I am kind of at a loss for what to do here but the constant texting is making me uncomfortable, especially because she has been to my apartment and also followed me on instagram. I feel like she means well and is probably a good person but she's very clingy and even though I was super direct with her she's not getting the hint. What should I do?