My past experiences have made me lose all faith in genuine, happy and healthy relationships, at least for myself. Anyone feel the same?

Apologies, this will be long. I'm a 32 year old male. I'd say I'm educated, pretty successfull career-wise, kind-hearted, and in decent physical shape. I'm here because I feel like an alien when it comes to forming romantic relations and I guess I'm looking for words of advice and like-minded people.

I always struggled with relationships, which might be rooted in my childhood. I grew up with just my mom and little brother. When we were very little my father concluded he wanted to be free and did not want to commit to a family life; he felt like the family life was keeping him prisoner. He made the choice to leave and live abroad, alone. We didn't see him much after that. I think I always felt kind of rejected as a child. I missed out on a father figure since my father couldn't be bothered. Also my mother never dated again after my father left, so it was just me, my mom and bro, without a male role model.

In my teens I suffered from low self-esteem and I only started dating seriously (and losing my virginity) at the age of 23. I then dated my first girlfriend, I think I was attracted to her because she came from a difficult background, and therefore she could understand me. She felt like a fellow 'alien'. We dated for 5 years, the relationship was very loving, although it was difficult sometimes, but we did love each other a lot. Unfortunately at the end she messed up and cheated on me, in a period where I just started a company so didn't have that much quality time to spend with her. She really did not want to break up (and denied a lot of the things that happened). I tried for a couple of months to stay together but the trust was gone and we were both just suffering every day because I couldn't get over the feeling of being betrayed.

I took a break from dating as I was really miserable and completely derailed from the breakup. I told myself to steer clear from relationships and dating for at least a year to get my mind straight. Well, that one year turned into 3 years of practically no dating, from my 28th to my 31st (I probably had drinks 1 time with a girl during this period, that's all, it lead to nothing). I was focused on the success of my company and on myself (gym etc).

Eventually I mustered up the courage to go back on the dating apps and the first woman I went out with (which was last year) actually became my second serious girlfriend (f, 32). It was great, it was fun, it was uncomplicated. She was nothing like my first girlfriend. This new woman did not have the emotional baggage, she was more religious and seemed to have certain values, was very family-oriented. We were together for almost a year, talking about a future and having serious discussions regarding marriage and starting a family. Unfortunately , she wasn't being completely sincere. At the end of our relationship I developed sores/blisters in my genital region, which turned out to be genital herpes. I did some digging and found out that in fact she had cheated on me a couple weeks prior (she had spent a couple nights at some guy's house while I was out of town). I broke up with her instantly, even though she begged me to give her a second chance. I didn't budge and haven't seen her since.

This all happened around 6 months ago, and I have not dated anyone since.

So here I am. I have loved 2 woman in my life in a romantic way and was cheated on by both. The last woman's indiscretions have left me fighting a pretty bad case of genital herpes, with outbreaks on a monthly basis for the past half year. There's quite a high probability I will infect a future partner, since the virus stays with you for life and is incurable. Condoms won't do much as the infection is spread out more around the groin region for me (not so much on the penis itself). It itches alot, even when there are no sores. I hope it gets better, I'm on daily prophylactic antivirals so hoping that helps a bit.

Apart from my own shitty dating experience, I come from a broken home which has given me little trust in relationships to begin with.

I tell myself it's really better to be alone, to not be deceived and played anymore by others. I don't want the stress anymore of being lied to and cheated on by someone I love. I convince myself dating is not for me and I should stop pursuing it. Dating will also be even harder than before with the incurable STI thrown in the mix. But to be frank, at times I'm very lonely and do feel a desire to love and be loved by someone. Anyone who can identify with this feeling? How to get past it? I'm really leaning towards giving up on dating again, at least for the coming years until I find back my strength to get burned again , ha. This whole story might seem very depressing, but oftentimes I also feel quite okay being single, and generally I live a very active and good life. But the loneliness kicks in sometimes, like tonight.

So concretely: Anyone else felt like giving up on dating at one point? How did you get past it? And any advice on the STI and how to handle that with future relationships?

Submitted September 08, 2020 at 11:16PM

Apologies, this will be long. I'm a 32 year old male. I'd say I'm educated, pretty successfull career-wise, kind-hearted, and in decent physical shape. I'm here because I feel like an alien when it comes to forming romantic relations and I guess I'm looking for words of advice and like-minded people.I always struggled with relationships, which might be rooted in my childhood. I grew up with just my mom and little brother. When we were very little my father concluded he wanted to be free and did not want to commit to a family life; he felt like the family life was keeping him prisoner. He made the choice to leave and live abroad, alone. We didn't see him much after that. I think I always felt kind of rejected as a child. I missed out on a father figure since my father couldn't be bothered. Also my mother never dated again after my father left, so it was just me, my mom and bro, without a male role model.In my teens I suffered from low self-esteem and I only started dating seriously (and losing my virginity) at the age of 23. I then dated my first girlfriend, I think I was attracted to her because she came from a difficult background, and therefore she could understand me. She felt like a fellow 'alien'. We dated for 5 years, the relationship was very loving, although it was difficult sometimes, but we did love each other a lot. Unfortunately at the end she messed up and cheated on me, in a period where I just started a company so didn't have that much quality time to spend with her. She really did not want to break up (and denied a lot of the things that happened). I tried for a couple of months to stay together but the trust was gone and we were both just suffering every day because I couldn't get over the feeling of being betrayed.I took a break from dating as I was really miserable and completely derailed from the breakup. I told myself to steer clear from relationships and dating for at least a year to get my mind straight. Well, that one year turned into 3 years of practically no dating, from my 28th to my 31st (I probably had drinks 1 time with a girl during this period, that's all, it lead to nothing). I was focused on the success of my company and on myself (gym etc).Eventually I mustered up the courage to go back on the dating apps and the first woman I went out with (which was last year) actually became my second serious girlfriend (f, 32). It was great, it was fun, it was uncomplicated. She was nothing like my first girlfriend. This new woman did not have the emotional baggage, she was more religious and seemed to have certain values, was very family-oriented. We were together for almost a year, talking about a future and having serious discussions regarding marriage and starting a family. Unfortunately , she wasn't being completely sincere. At the end of our relationship I developed sores/blisters in my genital region, which turned out to be genital herpes. I did some digging and found out that in fact she had cheated on me a couple weeks prior (she had spent a couple nights at some guy's house while I was out of town). I broke up with her instantly, even though she begged me to give her a second chance. I didn't budge and haven't seen her since.This all happened around 6 months ago, and I have not dated anyone since.So here I am. I have loved 2 woman in my life in a romantic way and was cheated on by both. The last woman's indiscretions have left me fighting a pretty bad case of genital herpes, with outbreaks on a monthly basis for the past half year. There's quite a high probability I will infect a future partner, since the virus stays with you for life and is incurable. Condoms won't do much as the infection is spread out more around the groin region for me (not so much on the penis itself). It itches alot, even when there are no sores. I hope it gets better, I'm on daily prophylactic antivirals so hoping that helps a bit.Apart from my own shitty dating experience, I come from a broken home which has given me little trust in relationships to begin with.I tell myself it's really better to be alone, to not be deceived and played anymore by others. I don't want the stress anymore of being lied to and cheated on by someone I love. I convince myself dating is not for me and I should stop pursuing it. Dating will also be even harder than before with the incurable STI thrown in the mix. But to be frank, at times I'm very lonely and do feel a desire to love and be loved by someone. Anyone who can identify with this feeling? How to get past it? I'm really leaning towards giving up on dating again, at least for the coming years until I find back my strength to get burned again , ha. This whole story might seem very depressing, but oftentimes I also feel quite okay being single, and generally I live a very active and good life. But the loneliness kicks in sometimes, like tonight.So concretely: Anyone else felt like giving up on dating at one point? How did you get past it? And any advice on the STI and how to handle that with future relationships?