I think my wife has relapsed again and I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do

My (M 29) Wife ( F 28) has a history of disordered eating. I won’t get into too much detail but the synopsis is her parents called her fat and put her on a diet when she was a preteen, that turned into full blown anorexia, she lost a ton of weight and her parents refused to acknowledge their daughter had a problem because she was “finally thin”, she recovered for a little, relapsed in her early 20s and then recovered for good (or so I thought) whenever we moved in together when she was 24.

She had our son 2 years ago, and really struggled with her body image. After she delivered she said she was horrified by the way she looked and barely recognized herself. She started dieting and exercising way before she had the doctors ok and had lost most of the baby weight by 3 months post partum. Given her history, this concerned me, so I kept a close eye on her. By the time our son was 6 months, she had lost all of the weight except for a few pounds, but she said she was content with her weight and accepted her new body, so I didn’t pay too much attention because I thought she was fine.

The past year has been hard on her, her grandparents passed, her dad and mom split after discovering her mom was an alcoholic and her dad was having multiple affairs. Her anxiety peaked, as well as depression. After much convincing, she decided to talk to her pcp about it, got prescribed meds, and is in therapy now as well. I thought things seemed good.

I couldn’t have been more wrong. Over the past 6 weeks I noticed her eating less and less and now hardly at all. I was hoping she was still eating lunch at work, but I was apparently wrong, according to her coworkers.

Being concerned, I asked her if she was losing weight again. She admitted she’s lost a little over 10 pounds in the last month, but she swears it wasn’t intentional, she has just been busy at work and preoccupied at home. She also says her IBS is acting up and she’s trying to be more careful about what she eats. (She’s used IBS as an excuse in the past too.)

Which brings me to today. Her scrubs were HANGING off of her. I pointed this out and asked how much she weighed right now. She told me “around 105, maybe a little more or a little less I’m not positive.” She’s 5’2. Now, I know that’s not alarmingly thin, but how long until she is?

There’s no way I can convince her to tell her doctor or therapist, she refuses to bring “that part” of her life up. I don’t think I can force her into treatment, as she’s not technically underweight by BMI standards. My son needs his mom. I need her to be around and be healthy. I’ve told her this and she’s told me she’s fine. Her mood and attitude are still upbeat. She’s acting like nothings wrong. She says I’m overreacting.

I’m at a loss, am I overreacting? If not, how do I help her?

Submitted September 08, 2020 at 11:43PM

My (M 29) Wife ( F 28) has a history of disordered eating. I won’t get into too much detail but the synopsis is her parents called her fat and put her on a diet when she was a preteen, that turned into full blown anorexia, she lost a ton of weight and her parents refused to acknowledge their daughter had a problem because she was “finally thin”, she recovered for a little, relapsed in her early 20s and then recovered for good (or so I thought) whenever we moved in together when she was 24.She had our son 2 years ago, and really struggled with her body image. After she delivered she said she was horrified by the way she looked and barely recognized herself. She started dieting and exercising way before she had the doctors ok and had lost most of the baby weight by 3 months post partum. Given her history, this concerned me, so I kept a close eye on her. By the time our son was 6 months, she had lost all of the weight except for a few pounds, but she said she was content with her weight and accepted her new body, so I didn’t pay too much attention because I thought she was fine.The past year has been hard on her, her grandparents passed, her dad and mom split after discovering her mom was an alcoholic and her dad was having multiple affairs. Her anxiety peaked, as well as depression. After much convincing, she decided to talk to her pcp about it, got prescribed meds, and is in therapy now as well. I thought things seemed good.I couldn’t have been more wrong. Over the past 6 weeks I noticed her eating less and less and now hardly at all. I was hoping she was still eating lunch at work, but I was apparently wrong, according to her coworkers.Being concerned, I asked her if she was losing weight again. She admitted she’s lost a little over 10 pounds in the last month, but she swears it wasn’t intentional, she has just been busy at work and preoccupied at home. She also says her IBS is acting up and she’s trying to be more careful about what she eats. (She’s used IBS as an excuse in the past too.)Which brings me to today. Her scrubs were HANGING off of her. I pointed this out and asked how much she weighed right now. She told me “around 105, maybe a little more or a little less I’m not positive.” She’s 5’2. Now, I know that’s not alarmingly thin, but how long until she is?There’s no way I can convince her to tell her doctor or therapist, she refuses to bring “that part” of her life up. I don’t think I can force her into treatment, as she’s not technically underweight by BMI standards. My son needs his mom. I need her to be around and be healthy. I’ve told her this and she’s told me she’s fine. Her mood and attitude are still upbeat. She’s acting like nothings wrong. She says I’m overreacting.I’m at a loss, am I overreacting? If not, how do I help her?