Help handling finances with my new wife

Ok everyone, I'm really struggling with this and I need some additional perspective:

I'm 39, married since 2018. My wife is def used to a more affluent lifestyle than I am. I make good money, I just prefer to spend it on investments and old cars. When we got married I ended up spending somewhere close to $60k on the wedding, which was way more than I expected, but it's a once in a lifetime thing and it's not like I was hard up for the money anyways.

Right before we married we sold both of our houses, (mine was 1600sf and old, hers was a newer 2400sf townhouse) and instead we purchased an older 3,400sf house with a detached 3,000s.f. garage. I've spent the last two years remodeling the house, and the Kitchen and Master bath are all that's left to rehab.

This week she hits me with the idea of wanting to move again. She's set her sights on a 6,500s.f. (plus basement) new construction from Toll Brothers with a 5 car garage. Total Price: $2.3m, or nearly 5x the value of our current home.

When we married she quit her job and started managing my company's training and financials, so she knows how much I make and she's aware that a house like this would not hurt us financially. The problem for me is that I grew up in very modest means and I've always shied away from showing that I have more than a few nickels to rub together. I never bought the vintage Ferraris, I stuck with Fords, that sort of thing. Fact is, nobody that I grew up around had money, and even now, nobody realizes how much I have. The idea of living in a gigantic multimillion dollar home worries me. It's very uncomfortable to think about, I don't want to alienate my friends or end up with people begging at the door.

We don't have kids (yet), but one of her justifications is that we need to live in a better school district if we do, and this home she likes is in possibly the best district in the country. She thinks it's better for future kids, I think that living next to a gigantic country club is begging to breed self entitled little shits. Am I out of my mind in being uncomfortable with flaunting our wealth like this?

Submitted September 06, 2020 at 12:04AM

Ok everyone, I'm really struggling with this and I need some additional perspective:I'm 39, married since 2018. My wife is def used to a more affluent lifestyle than I am. I make good money, I just prefer to spend it on investments and old cars. When we got married I ended up spending somewhere close to $60k on the wedding, which was way more than I expected, but it's a once in a lifetime thing and it's not like I was hard up for the money anyways.Right before we married we sold both of our houses, (mine was 1600sf and old, hers was a newer 2400sf townhouse) and instead we purchased an older 3,400sf house with a detached 3,000s.f. garage. I've spent the last two years remodeling the house, and the Kitchen and Master bath are all that's left to rehab.This week she hits me with the idea of wanting to move again. She's set her sights on a 6,500s.f. (plus basement) new construction from Toll Brothers with a 5 car garage. Total Price: $2.3m, or nearly 5x the value of our current home.When we married she quit her job and started managing my company's training and financials, so she knows how much I make and she's aware that a house like this would not hurt us financially. The problem for me is that I grew up in very modest means and I've always shied away from showing that I have more than a few nickels to rub together. I never bought the vintage Ferraris, I stuck with Fords, that sort of thing. Fact is, nobody that I grew up around had money, and even now, nobody realizes how much I have. The idea of living in a gigantic multimillion dollar home worries me. It's very uncomfortable to think about, I don't want to alienate my friends or end up with people begging at the door.We don't have kids (yet), but one of her justifications is that we need to live in a better school district if we do, and this home she likes is in possibly the best district in the country. She thinks it's better for future kids, I think that living next to a gigantic country club is begging to breed self entitled little shits. Am I out of my mind in being uncomfortable with flaunting our wealth like this?