How to stop talking to someone you aren't necessarily "seeing"

I'm 30F and recently met a man through a work event about a month and a half ago. We work in the same industry (different companies) and have some mutual acquaintances through work.

We have gone out for coffee 3 times now and something just seems off and I'm skeptical about him.

For starters, he won't tell me how old he is. It started out as kind of a joke with him saying he's "old", but now I'm getting annoyed. He doesn't appear to be much older than me so I'm not even sure why he cares or why it's even an issue. I've outright asked him how old he is and he'll say something like "let's keep that a mystery for now..". This is a red flag for me because if you can't even disclose something as simple and essential as your age, what else could you possibly be hiding?

Secondly, we never seem to get anywhere past meeting for coffee which is always scheduled last minute. I've invited him to lunch a few times, and to my place for a movie, he can never make it. He doesn't make excuses just says he can't. He has asked me to meet for coffee each time we've gone, though.

The strange thing is we have great conversation, share similar humor and he seems to be really into me when we do talk. He makes a point of messaging me every day to ask how my day is going and we joke back and forth about work nuances, sometimes for hours.

I recently decided to search for his Facebook profile, and some digging led me to discover that he has a son around age 6-7. This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but why hide it or never bring it up? I'm also paranoid that he may be in a relationship possibly. When we first started talking, he asked me to keep it private (again we have mutual acquaintances).

At this point I don't really see this going any further. I like talking to him and he's a nice person, but I don't want to have to pull teeth to learn more about him, and I'm wary of the fact that he hides important details about his life.

I don't want to have a drawn out conversation about it, part of me wants to fade out by responding less to his messages and simply declining any future invitations to meet. I could explain it to him the next time he asks to meet. But how exactly do I word this? I don't want to frame him as a liar but something is off and this is just not working for me.

Submitted August 26, 2020 at 11:39PM

I'm 30F and recently met a man through a work event about a month and a half ago. We work in the same industry (different companies) and have some mutual acquaintances through work.We have gone out for coffee 3 times now and something just seems off and I'm skeptical about him.For starters, he won't tell me how old he is. It started out as kind of a joke with him saying he's "old", but now I'm getting annoyed. He doesn't appear to be much older than me so I'm not even sure why he cares or why it's even an issue. I've outright asked him how old he is and he'll say something like "let's keep that a mystery for now..". This is a red flag for me because if you can't even disclose something as simple and essential as your age, what else could you possibly be hiding?Secondly, we never seem to get anywhere past meeting for coffee which is always scheduled last minute. I've invited him to lunch a few times, and to my place for a movie, he can never make it. He doesn't make excuses just says he can't. He has asked me to meet for coffee each time we've gone, though.The strange thing is we have great conversation, share similar humor and he seems to be really into me when we do talk. He makes a point of messaging me every day to ask how my day is going and we joke back and forth about work nuances, sometimes for hours.I recently decided to search for his Facebook profile, and some digging led me to discover that he has a son around age 6-7. This wouldn't be a deal breaker for me but why hide it or never bring it up? I'm also paranoid that he may be in a relationship possibly. When we first started talking, he asked me to keep it private (again we have mutual acquaintances).At this point I don't really see this going any further. I like talking to him and he's a nice person, but I don't want to have to pull teeth to learn more about him, and I'm wary of the fact that he hides important details about his life.I don't want to have a drawn out conversation about it, part of me wants to fade out by responding less to his messages and simply declining any future invitations to meet. I could explain it to him the next time he asks to meet. But how exactly do I word this? I don't want to frame him as a liar but something is off and this is just not working for me.