Newborn and a lazy ass husband: advice needed!

I (37F) have an almost three week old baby and a lazy husband (34 M). The second night home, after a night of really bad cluster feeding and little sleep I finally convinced him, through tears, that I need more help. Even so, he tried to go to work instead the next morning even though he was on paternity leave (he was just trying to escape responsibility) and I had to beg him for help. He now says, “just ask me and I’ll do what you need.”

That’s somewhat true but mostly he’ll just procrastinate or tell me ok. His job is not hard, he doesn’t slave away, but he did have to go back to work this week. He says he needs to sleep but he stays up in the living room watching tv and playing video games until 2 or so in the morning.

He’s full of shit and I’ve told him so. He’ll change his behavior a day or so and go back to being lazy. He doesn’t understand or care how hard it is on me and me trying to explain it just falls on deaf ears.

I don’t want to throw the baby at him when he first gets home, I want him to be able to relax. With this in mind I’ve been asking him to take his clothes off and get a shower when he gets home, as he could have been exposed to Covid at any time. He has ignored me and last night he threw a fit about it while playing video games.

Tonight I just need a shower. I’m still in the middle of lochia after childbirth and I just feel disgusting, I haven’t been able to get one today. So, of course, he has to get a shower in case he has Covid-19 on him! He refused to get a quick one either. I just need ten minutes for a fucking shower and it’s just more bullshit.

It’s like being married to a fucking 10 year old.

Any ideas of how I can get this man to pull his weight? I do all the cooking and cleaning. He’s a slob and would let it be filthy here if I didn’t.

Any advice at all? I realize he’s a shitty partner and will handle that in the future. I don’t tolerate bullshit but just need some tips now. Taking care of the baby and making sure I maintain sanity is paramount.



Submitted July 07, 2020 at 11:55PM

I (37F) have an almost three week old baby and a lazy husband (34 M). The second night home, after a night of really bad cluster feeding and little sleep I finally convinced him, through tears, that I need more help. Even so, he tried to go to work instead the next morning even though he was on paternity leave (he was just trying to escape responsibility) and I had to beg him for help. He now says, “just ask me and I’ll do what you need.”That’s somewhat true but mostly he’ll just procrastinate or tell me ok. His job is not hard, he doesn’t slave away, but he did have to go back to work this week. He says he needs to sleep but he stays up in the living room watching tv and playing video games until 2 or so in the morning.He’s full of shit and I’ve told him so. He’ll change his behavior a day or so and go back to being lazy. He doesn’t understand or care how hard it is on me and me trying to explain it just falls on deaf ears.I don’t want to throw the baby at him when he first gets home, I want him to be able to relax. With this in mind I’ve been asking him to take his clothes off and get a shower when he gets home, as he could have been exposed to Covid at any time. He has ignored me and last night he threw a fit about it while playing video games.Tonight I just need a shower. I’m still in the middle of lochia after childbirth and I just feel disgusting, I haven’t been able to get one today. So, of course, he has to get a shower in case he has Covid-19 on him! He refused to get a quick one either. I just need ten minutes for a fucking shower and it’s just more bullshit.It’s like being married to a fucking 10 year old.Any ideas of how I can get this man to pull his weight? I do all the cooking and cleaning. He’s a slob and would let it be filthy here if I didn’t.Any advice at all? I realize he’s a shitty partner and will handle that in the future. I don’t tolerate bullshit but just need some tips now. Taking care of the baby and making sure I maintain sanity is paramount.
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