I think i’ve fallen in love someone who I’ll never see again

warning, this is kinda super detailed and long but oh well

(Some context- due to my hilariously unnecessarily traumatic life,, my relationship with relationships (romantic and just general) is kinda warped. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced romantic love and I find it incredibly difficult to even form genuine bonds with people- but, sometimes, I randomly latch onto people and feel more connected to them than I do to anyone else.

because that‘s a healthy emotional response.

This happened once with a police officer who I instantly viewed as a father/friend figure, and never saw again. And a tutor in a brief course I did who I saw as a mom figure. So tl;dr Im a mess. )

​

So a while ago I was at work. The shop was about to close (it was nearly five thirty) and I was ready to leave. Then he walks in.

He was fairly tall, over six foot I think, with dirty blond hair and round brown thick rimmed glasses. His eyes were blueish/green. He was dressed rather nicely, in a greenish coat and a jumper which I think was maroon. He had a bit of weird facial hair- not a neck beard but more along the lines of a vaguely peach fuzzy abraham lincoln kinda mess, it didn’t really suit him.

I know I’ve gone into his looks but it was more his attitude that struck me. He sauntered into the shop, just exuding this chaotic bastard energy. He greeted my manager by name and she seemed surprised to see him.

He grabbed a few items and dumped them on the counter (something you are not allowed to do, my boss put giant stickers next to the till telling people to stop) and then walked off to find whatever else he wanted. There was another customer, a woman with a lot of things who wanted to pay-

she was uncertain about whether she should wait or not and I told her it was fine and said something about how customers aren’t supposed to leave stuff on the counter and wander off. Then the man almost materialises next to me and grabs his things and very politely tells the lady to go first.

So by this point i was kinda embarrassed but I quickly priced her things off and she left. Now it was his turn, he’d bought a couple of bags of coconut crips and some other things I can’t remember.

We were face to face now, he had a kinda deep voice and seemed determined to make small talk.

I stared pricing things up, he talked about how the snacks would last him the weekend and I suggested that they’d last only one night, he said something about revising which made me think he was a university student, so not much older than me , he looked to be in his twenties and I’m eighteen.

I asked him whether he’d like a bag and he said something alone the lines of

“No, I’m sure I can carry all of these myself”

I said “you sure? They look very heavy”

he chuckled and said something like “I’ll try to carry them and probably end up crying like a little girl”

and then, because I like to think I’m funny and have no self control responded without “don’t be sexist” with a stupid grin because Im an idiot.

he looked stunned but rather amused when I said that. He hadn’t been expecting it all all- he let out another laugh and said “fine- crying like a little child, is that better?”

I said yes and continued to price stuff up, he just chuckled softly to himself and said “you sprung that on me like a mousetrap“

I was getting more and more flushed and embarrassed with every second, he wasn’t offended or angry- he was amused and we we’re bantering-

he payed for what he’d bought and walked passed the till to the door, he said “afternoon” and flashed me a smile that’s dug itself into my heart- and with that he vanished into the dark of an english early evening.

Every-time I go work I hope he’ll come back- he said at once point that the shops changed quite a bit so I’m guessing he isnt often in the area I live in.

I don’t know whether this is love, or obsession, or desperation to feel love but I can’t stop thinking about him. Those brief moments I spoke to him were some of the best I’ve had in years, I can’t explain it. I spend so much of my life in this sort of apathetic haze and when I spoke to him we just clicked- we were snarking eachother and it was just what I needed- just what I’ve always wanted. There was just something about him, his personality, his vibe. He was a bastard, but in the best way- if that makes sense, it doesn’t does it?

God it’s just pathetic honestly, I daydream so many “what if” scenarios and to be honest most of them are rather messed up because once again, my relationship to relationships is warped.

I felt so warm and alive when he spoke to me- is this love? Is that what love feels like? Or am I just so utterly wretched that I’ve obsessed over one little conversation blown it out of proportion. I feel like the latter might be the case. I’m so desperate it’s just cringeworthy

I’m literally only writing this because i have some delusional hope he’ll see it, and remember the awkward girl with giant round glasses and black hair who looked like snow white if she’d done meth since the age of five. I don’t even know whether I’d care if he didn’t feel the same- honestly I’d treasure his friendship as much as a relationship or anything else.

Let’s be honest he’s forgotten about me and didn’t feel anything at all....

Submitted February 09, 2020 at 11:50PM

warning, this is kinda super detailed and long but oh well(Some context- due to my hilariously unnecessarily traumatic life,, my relationship with relationships (romantic and just general) is kinda warped. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced romantic love and I find it incredibly difficult to even form genuine bonds with people- but, sometimes, I randomly latch onto people and feel more connected to them than I do to anyone else.because that‘s a healthy emotional response.This happened once with a police officer who I instantly viewed as a father/friend figure, and never saw again. And a tutor in a brief course I did who I saw as a mom figure. So tl;dr Im a mess. )​So a while ago I was at work. The shop was about to close (it was nearly five thirty) and I was ready to leave. Then he walks in.He was fairly tall, over six foot I think, with dirty blond hair and round brown thick rimmed glasses. His eyes were blueish/green. He was dressed rather nicely, in a greenish coat and a jumper which I think was maroon. He had a bit of weird facial hair- not a neck beard but more along the lines of a vaguely peach fuzzy abraham lincoln kinda mess, it didn’t really suit him.I know I’ve gone into his looks but it was more his attitude that struck me. He sauntered into the shop, just exuding this chaotic bastard energy. He greeted my manager by name and she seemed surprised to see him.He grabbed a few items and dumped them on the counter (something you are not allowed to do, my boss put giant stickers next to the till telling people to stop) and then walked off to find whatever else he wanted. There was another customer, a woman with a lot of things who wanted to pay-she was uncertain about whether she should wait or not and I told her it was fine and said something about how customers aren’t supposed to leave stuff on the counter and wander off. Then the man almost materialises next to me and grabs his things and very politely tells the lady to go first.So by this point i was kinda embarrassed but I quickly priced her things off and she left. Now it was his turn, he’d bought a couple of bags of coconut crips and some other things I can’t remember.We were face to face now, he had a kinda deep voice and seemed determined to make small talk.I stared pricing things up, he talked about how the snacks would last him the weekend and I suggested that they’d last only one night, he said something about revising which made me think he was a university student, so not much older than me , he looked to be in his twenties and I’m eighteen.I asked him whether he’d like a bag and he said something alone the lines of“No, I’m sure I can carry all of these myself”I said “you sure? They look very heavy”he chuckled and said something like “I’ll try to carry them and probably end up crying like a little girl”and then, because I like to think I’m funny and have no self control responded without “don’t be sexist” with a stupid grin because Im an idiot.he looked stunned but rather amused when I said that. He hadn’t been expecting it all all- he let out another laugh and said “fine- crying like a little child, is that better?”I said yes and continued to price stuff up, he just chuckled softly to himself and said “you sprung that on me like a mousetrap“I was getting more and more flushed and embarrassed with every second, he wasn’t offended or angry- he was amused and we we’re bantering-he payed for what he’d bought and walked passed the till to the door, he said “afternoon” and flashed me a smile that’s dug itself into my heart- and with that he vanished into the dark of an english early evening.Every-time I go work I hope he’ll come back- he said at once point that the shops changed quite a bit so I’m guessing he isnt often in the area I live in.I don’t know whether this is love, or obsession, or desperation to feel love but I can’t stop thinking about him. Those brief moments I spoke to him were some of the best I’ve had in years, I can’t explain it. I spend so much of my life in this sort of apathetic haze and when I spoke to him we just clicked- we were snarking eachother and it was just what I needed- just what I’ve always wanted. There was just something about him, his personality, his vibe. He was a bastard, but in the best way- if that makes sense, it doesn’t does it?God it’s just pathetic honestly, I daydream so many “what if” scenarios and to be honest most of them are rather messed up because once again, my relationship to relationships is warped.I felt so warm and alive when he spoke to me- is this love? Is that what love feels like? Or am I just so utterly wretched that I’ve obsessed over one little conversation blown it out of proportion. I feel like the latter might be the case. I’m so desperate it’s just cringeworthyI’m literally only writing this because i have some delusional hope he’ll see it, and remember the awkward girl with giant round glasses and black hair who looked like snow white if she’d done meth since the age of five. I don’t even know whether I’d care if he didn’t feel the same- honestly I’d treasure his friendship as much as a relationship or anything else.Let’s be honest he’s forgotten about me and didn’t feel anything at all....