I have trouble understanding my sexual orientation

Good evening reddit, I'd like to know if some of these feelings I've got indicate if I'm straight or not... I have little experience with men, none with women and never enjoyed sex, so I wonder if one of these reasons is related to maybe not being heterosexual. I'll try to explain my feelings further.

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When I see women, it's like I have this cozy feeling, like I'm eating a melt-in-your-mouth ice cream, sitting on a soft bed, surrounded by pilows and hugging a plush toy in a kinda chilly weather. Everything feels so perfect that the only way to make it better is to masturbate till orgasm and drift off to sleep. And I have a sweet tooth.

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When I see men, it's kinda like eating salty snacks. I'm rarely interested in them, but when I do I have this very intense and specific crave to chow it down more and more until my mouth hurts and burns with the salt, tongue bleeding.

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I had one-sided school crushes, all towards men until an older woman helped me in tough times and teached me some metaphysical stuff. As time went, I desperately wanted to be a part of her, because we were so close she was a part of me. I started having these dreams I was making out wih her, giggling for little details like seeing her caligraphy, the thin blonde hairs on her face when she showed her piercings, photos of her cross-dressed... hugging my pillow when I wanted to hug her (we were internet friends). I started being jealous of the time she spent with her lovers, started being passive-agressive over the months and she blocked me. I cried every day for a year.

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Were all this mess just platonic friend jealousy? Sometimes I was envious of her beauty (she was an ex-model and ex-beauty pageant). Does any of these things make sense? Do I have to try out to know? I'm afraid of hurting sapphic women and using them, since I don't fall in love easily.



Submitted February 07, 2020 at 10:54PM

Good evening reddit, I'd like to know if some of these feelings I've got indicate if I'm straight or not... I have little experience with men, none with women and never enjoyed sex, so I wonder if one of these reasons is related to maybe not being heterosexual. I'll try to explain my feelings further.​When I see women, it's like I have this cozy feeling, like I'm eating a melt-in-your-mouth ice cream, sitting on a soft bed, surrounded by pilows and hugging a plush toy in a kinda chilly weather. Everything feels so perfect that the only way to make it better is to masturbate till orgasm and drift off to sleep. And I have a sweet tooth.​When I see men, it's kinda like eating salty snacks. I'm rarely interested in them, but when I do I have this very intense and specific crave to chow it down more and more until my mouth hurts and burns with the salt, tongue bleeding.​I had one-sided school crushes, all towards men until an older woman helped me in tough times and teached me some metaphysical stuff. As time went, I desperately wanted to be a part of her, because we were so close she was a part of me. I started having these dreams I was making out wih her, giggling for little details like seeing her caligraphy, the thin blonde hairs on her face when she showed her piercings, photos of her cross-dressed... hugging my pillow when I wanted to hug her (we were internet friends). I started being jealous of the time she spent with her lovers, started being passive-agressive over the months and she blocked me. I cried every day for a year.​Were all this mess just platonic friend jealousy? Sometimes I was envious of her beauty (she was an ex-model and ex-beauty pageant). Does any of these things make sense? Do I have to try out to know? I'm afraid of hurting sapphic women and using them, since I don't fall in love easily.
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