I [29F] need some advice about possible PA with new partner [31M]

I've been dating this great guy and last night we ended up in his bedroom making out. He's an incredible kisser and I was 100% turned on and ready for sex. I noticed that as we got really close to sex that he lost his erection. No biggie, I just kept making out with him. Then he went down on me, brought me to orgasm (which has only ever happened to me once before in my life) and it was outstanding. Afterwards, his erection was back and I started touching him but then he lost it. Again, no big deal. Kept kissing for a bit and then just cuddled. He didn't say anything and neither did I - I felt bad he didn't get off, but I wasn't disappointed or anything (quite the opposite!).

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I know this happens with a lot of guys, and I've had it happen with a partner before, so I don't really mind. I assume once he relaxes and is comfortable around me that we'll have sex, and if that takes months that's cool. I read a lot of posts here about PA to get advice about what to do so I make sure I don't contribute to the problem. So far I think I've done everything right - I told him how incredible he made me feel (during and after), how much I love spending time with him, that I'm attracted to him, that he's a great guy, how I can't wait to see him again, etc.

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Even after reading all the posts I'm still not sure what to do next, though. Touching his dick seemed to cause him to lose his erection, even though at first by the sound he made he was happy I was touching him. I'm not sure if I should just not touch him, or if I should attempt giving him a handjob or blowjob. I'm afraid of attempting and then him losing his erection and being embarrassed, but then a lot of men have posted that the PA only happens when it comes to PIV sex. I don't want to talk to him about it because it's just happened this one time and I don't want to bring attention to what is probably a temporary issue.

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TL;DR: Possible PA with new partner, and I'm not sure if I should attempt to perform oral on him next time or just not go there at all until he relaxes and initiates sex. I've read tons of posts here but I'm not sure if attempting oral would also cause PA for him and I don't want him to feel embarrassed. Edited to add: no alcohol involved, so that wasn't the problem.



Submitted February 24, 2020 at 11:52PM

I've been dating this great guy and last night we ended up in his bedroom making out. He's an incredible kisser and I was 100% turned on and ready for sex. I noticed that as we got really close to sex that he lost his erection. No biggie, I just kept making out with him. Then he went down on me, brought me to orgasm (which has only ever happened to me once before in my life) and it was outstanding. Afterwards, his erection was back and I started touching him but then he lost it. Again, no big deal. Kept kissing for a bit and then just cuddled. He didn't say anything and neither did I - I felt bad he didn't get off, but I wasn't disappointed or anything (quite the opposite!).​I know this happens with a lot of guys, and I've had it happen with a partner before, so I don't really mind. I assume once he relaxes and is comfortable around me that we'll have sex, and if that takes months that's cool. I read a lot of posts here about PA to get advice about what to do so I make sure I don't contribute to the problem. So far I think I've done everything right - I told him how incredible he made me feel (during and after), how much I love spending time with him, that I'm attracted to him, that he's a great guy, how I can't wait to see him again, etc.​Even after reading all the posts I'm still not sure what to do next, though. Touching his dick seemed to cause him to lose his erection, even though at first by the sound he made he was happy I was touching him. I'm not sure if I should just not touch him, or if I should attempt giving him a handjob or blowjob. I'm afraid of attempting and then him losing his erection and being embarrassed, but then a lot of men have posted that the PA only happens when it comes to PIV sex. I don't want to talk to him about it because it's just happened this one time and I don't want to bring attention to what is probably a temporary issue.​TL;DR: Possible PA with new partner, and I'm not sure if I should attempt to perform oral on him next time or just not go there at all until he relaxes and initiates sex. I've read tons of posts here but I'm not sure if attempting oral would also cause PA for him and I don't want him to feel embarrassed. Edited to add: no alcohol involved, so that wasn't the problem.
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