Sorry in advance this is smth I gotta gush about

~Possible Trigger Warning~

Alrighty folks.... so a bit of backstory, I’m 18 and have only been dating since I first turned 17. Within that 14 months, I’ve had 3 boyfriends. The first one was a pretty good guy. I’ll call him M. We met at work and clicked, flirted for a couple months and i coerced my way into a relationship with him. M and I dated for exactly 3 months. Then he started to distance himself and we ended up splitting on our 3 month anniversary. I was crushed. I cried over him off and on for weeks, months even. My first real heartbreak, and I did not handle it well. I spiraled into a deep, deep depression and stopped caring about everything.

Fast forward a few months, and I met a guy at my new job that I started not long before my first heartbreak. We’ll call him C. C seemed nice, and i was never fully convinced of my feelings for him, but he was so pushy about getting into a relationship as soon as possible (because he was “in love” with me) that I finally caved and made it official. C pressured me into doing so many sexual things, and was so unspeakably toxic and damaging and manipulative that I cannot really put it into words. I feel like he raped me. He didn’t, thankfully I was always able to stop him from going all the way, but he put a lot of effort into trying to take my virginity. Months later and I’m still dealing with residual trauma from being treated like that. C might be the one person on this planet that I will never forgive for how he wronged me. We broke up, and shortly after, I began to self harm because of how depressed and stressed I was, both because of C and outside factors.

Then, pretty much 4 days after my breakup with C, I met Z.

Where do I even begin with this boy? He is the epitome of perfection. I developed a crush on him immediately, even though I only saw him on my friend’s phone screen. For 2 months, Z and I Snapchatted back and forth, and then we decided to meet up in person. It was magic. Our mutual friend third wheeled for a couple hours, and left us to roam the mall alone. We talked, figured out what we had in common, and before I left, he bought me tea from a fancy tea place (🥺). A few days later, we confessed to each other our strong mutual feelings, and a couple days after that, we became official.

Z has made my life infinitely more positive. He is such a kind person, so genuine, smart, funny, very quirky, adorable, awkward, affectionate... the list goes on. He is the first person who has called me beautiful (more than just once or twice, he does it every day, several times a day). He has nicknames for me, he helps me with my schoolwork, he supports me in everything, he gets excited when I’m excited, he loves my whole family (including the dogs 😊) and says the most adorable, cheesy, gushy, wonderful things that make my heart swell. I’ve had a rough time lately simply because of seasonal depression, which causes me to push people away and he has unfortunately been the main recipient of my coldness. But he has handled it well and I’m beginning to manage it better. He is the first guy I haven’t cried over (my standards were on the GROUND when we met) and he is the first guy that I haven’t fought with. M and i would get into arguments, and I had fights with C before we even started dating, and well after the breakup. Again, my standards were ass.

I want to marry Z. I actually do. I can see myself with him, having kids, cuddling in bed together on a chilly night, with a pet or two snuggled at our feet. He is the light of my life and texting him, hugging him, even just talking about him makes my heart overflow.

I’m sorry for the extensive post, I just had to get all of that off my chest in a community of anonymity.

Submitted October 29, 2019 at 11:39PM

~Possible Trigger Warning~Alrighty folks.... so a bit of backstory, I’m 18 and have only been dating since I first turned 17. Within that 14 months, I’ve had 3 boyfriends. The first one was a pretty good guy. I’ll call him M. We met at work and clicked, flirted for a couple months and i coerced my way into a relationship with him. M and I dated for exactly 3 months. Then he started to distance himself and we ended up splitting on our 3 month anniversary. I was crushed. I cried over him off and on for weeks, months even. My first real heartbreak, and I did not handle it well. I spiraled into a deep, deep depression and stopped caring about everything.Fast forward a few months, and I met a guy at my new job that I started not long before my first heartbreak. We’ll call him C. C seemed nice, and i was never fully convinced of my feelings for him, but he was so pushy about getting into a relationship as soon as possible (because he was “in love” with me) that I finally caved and made it official. C pressured me into doing so many sexual things, and was so unspeakably toxic and damaging and manipulative that I cannot really put it into words. I feel like he raped me. He didn’t, thankfully I was always able to stop him from going all the way, but he put a lot of effort into trying to take my virginity. Months later and I’m still dealing with residual trauma from being treated like that. C might be the one person on this planet that I will never forgive for how he wronged me. We broke up, and shortly after, I began to self harm because of how depressed and stressed I was, both because of C and outside factors.Then, pretty much 4 days after my breakup with C, I met Z.Where do I even begin with this boy? He is the epitome of perfection. I developed a crush on him immediately, even though I only saw him on my friend’s phone screen. For 2 months, Z and I Snapchatted back and forth, and then we decided to meet up in person. It was magic. Our mutual friend third wheeled for a couple hours, and left us to roam the mall alone. We talked, figured out what we had in common, and before I left, he bought me tea from a fancy tea place (🥺). A few days later, we confessed to each other our strong mutual feelings, and a couple days after that, we became official.Z has made my life infinitely more positive. He is such a kind person, so genuine, smart, funny, very quirky, adorable, awkward, affectionate... the list goes on. He is the first person who has called me beautiful (more than just once or twice, he does it every day, several times a day). He has nicknames for me, he helps me with my schoolwork, he supports me in everything, he gets excited when I’m excited, he loves my whole family (including the dogs 😊) and says the most adorable, cheesy, gushy, wonderful things that make my heart swell. I’ve had a rough time lately simply because of seasonal depression, which causes me to push people away and he has unfortunately been the main recipient of my coldness. But he has handled it well and I’m beginning to manage it better. He is the first guy I haven’t cried over (my standards were on the GROUND when we met) and he is the first guy that I haven’t fought with. M and i would get into arguments, and I had fights with C before we even started dating, and well after the breakup. Again, my standards were ass.I want to marry Z. I actually do. I can see myself with him, having kids, cuddling in bed together on a chilly night, with a pet or two snuggled at our feet. He is the light of my life and texting him, hugging him, even just talking about him makes my heart overflow.I’m sorry for the extensive post, I just had to get all of that off my chest in a community of anonymity.