Back and forth, back and forth = zero trust

I (M48) have been with my wife (F41) for ten years. In the last five years, we have separated four times.

It all started about one year into our relationship when she expressed a need to live with her parents (they lived in South America). We lived in Australia. And she would take regular visits to see them. Later she said she wanted to spend 3 months living with them and the rest with me ... per year, and then changed it to six months with them and six months with me. About four years into the relationship, she became pregnant and then left at the end of the pregnancy to give birth in South America. She stayed there for over a year, and I missed out on the first year of our daughter's life.

She eventually returned to Australia and then started demanding that her parents live with us. I said no. After quite a bit of conflict, she then left me out of the blue and took my daughter and went back to South America. I was heartbroken and chased her. Eventually she said she would get back together, but she also got a job in the United States and said that she would take her parents there to help her, and if I wanted to be a family again ... and that I would have to accept this arrangement. Her brother, already a U.S. citizen, quickly moved to the same city.

At this point, I was flying back and forth to the United States just to see my daughter. I was desperate at just having the semblance of some kind of family life, and I adored my daughter. She agreed at some stage that I should move permanently. Which I did. I gave up my job, moved my things to the United States, etc. Her parents had moved to her brother's house. But she started again with the talk about wanting her parents to live in our home, and other family members also. I disagreed and so she asked me to leave and said if I didn't that she would take legal action to have me removed. It was a painful decision for me to return to Australia, with nothing.

It took me six months to get myself back on my feet, better job, new apartment, but feeling very lonely and missing my daughter. One year later she said she wanted to get back together. At this point, her parents were now living in a condo that she helped them to buy, with our stuff that we had in Australia. I was furious. I felt I had been used to help them move to the United States to live THEIR American dream.

I just missed my daughter, and wanted a normal family life with my wife. She was looking great again and I felt I had something to live for again. So I gave up my job again, and returned to the United States about ten months ago on the condition that we live in another state, away from her parents.

However, I don't trust her now. I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder for when she flips out again, seizes everything, to give to her family. I love my daughter, she gives me so much joy, but I can't sleep at night because of these multiple separations and her family. Am I here just to work to save money and acquire assets so she can give more to her South American relatives later?

I want to leave. But I don't want to destroy my daughter. And have to go through the pain of living on the other side of the world.

Do I stay or go?

Submitted October 29, 2019 at 11:36PM

I (M48) have been with my wife (F41) for ten years. In the last five years, we have separated four times.It all started about one year into our relationship when she expressed a need to live with her parents (they lived in South America). We lived in Australia. And she would take regular visits to see them. Later she said she wanted to spend 3 months living with them and the rest with me ... per year, and then changed it to six months with them and six months with me. About four years into the relationship, she became pregnant and then left at the end of the pregnancy to give birth in South America. She stayed there for over a year, and I missed out on the first year of our daughter's life.She eventually returned to Australia and then started demanding that her parents live with us. I said no. After quite a bit of conflict, she then left me out of the blue and took my daughter and went back to South America. I was heartbroken and chased her. Eventually she said she would get back together, but she also got a job in the United States and said that she would take her parents there to help her, and if I wanted to be a family again ... and that I would have to accept this arrangement. Her brother, already a U.S. citizen, quickly moved to the same city.At this point, I was flying back and forth to the United States just to see my daughter. I was desperate at just having the semblance of some kind of family life, and I adored my daughter. She agreed at some stage that I should move permanently. Which I did. I gave up my job, moved my things to the United States, etc. Her parents had moved to her brother's house. But she started again with the talk about wanting her parents to live in our home, and other family members also. I disagreed and so she asked me to leave and said if I didn't that she would take legal action to have me removed. It was a painful decision for me to return to Australia, with nothing.It took me six months to get myself back on my feet, better job, new apartment, but feeling very lonely and missing my daughter. One year later she said she wanted to get back together. At this point, her parents were now living in a condo that she helped them to buy, with our stuff that we had in Australia. I was furious. I felt I had been used to help them move to the United States to live THEIR American dream.I just missed my daughter, and wanted a normal family life with my wife. She was looking great again and I felt I had something to live for again. So I gave up my job again, and returned to the United States about ten months ago on the condition that we live in another state, away from her parents.However, I don't trust her now. I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder for when she flips out again, seizes everything, to give to her family. I love my daughter, she gives me so much joy, but I can't sleep at night because of these multiple separations and her family. Am I here just to work to save money and acquire assets so she can give more to her South American relatives later?I want to leave. But I don't want to destroy my daughter. And have to go through the pain of living on the other side of the world.Do I stay or go?