Is there something wrong with him, me, or us?

I feel like my communication with my partner is so limited and confined and every time I bring it up he makes me feel like I’m just bitching and complaining while he does everything under the sun for me.

He can go on and on, and on and on, about any subject that he cares about. It’s usually music, sports, or his school work (went back to college a year ago). I always want to make him feel heard and appreciated, so I always try to be an active listener and respond to his stories, encourage him, and ask him questions to further along the conversation. But when it comes to something I’m passionate about or would just like to simply discuss, he gives me the silent treatment. No, he flat out ignores me and will continue to occupy himself with whatever. He doesn’t so much as flinch to acknowledge that I’ve just spent 5 minutes pouring my heart out about my day. I’ve tried to express to him how important it is for me to feel heard, but he doesn’t seem to care.

Like today— I was just told really great news about my position at work and I jumped on the opportunity to tell him as soon as he got home. I was obviously excited, but he didn’t even look in my direction. He just started to play and talk with our dog and act like I wasn’t even in the room.

This usually leads me to asking “Did you even listen to a word I just said?” And he then just repeats the last sentence of my whole story to make me feel like he was listening. But, instead of even trying, I just walked away in frustration because I’m tired of begging to feel heard and appreciated. I’m about ready to walk away from everything.

Am I being dramatic to feel like this lack of communication is really because he does not care about my passions or accomplishments? Does he just not know how to effectively communicate with people? Or are we just not compatible because our needs and expectations with communication are so different?



Submitted October 17, 2019 at 12:12AM

I feel like my communication with my partner is so limited and confined and every time I bring it up he makes me feel like I’m just bitching and complaining while he does everything under the sun for me.He can go on and on, and on and on, about any subject that he cares about. It’s usually music, sports, or his school work (went back to college a year ago). I always want to make him feel heard and appreciated, so I always try to be an active listener and respond to his stories, encourage him, and ask him questions to further along the conversation. But when it comes to something I’m passionate about or would just like to simply discuss, he gives me the silent treatment. No, he flat out ignores me and will continue to occupy himself with whatever. He doesn’t so much as flinch to acknowledge that I’ve just spent 5 minutes pouring my heart out about my day. I’ve tried to express to him how important it is for me to feel heard, but he doesn’t seem to care.Like today— I was just told really great news about my position at work and I jumped on the opportunity to tell him as soon as he got home. I was obviously excited, but he didn’t even look in my direction. He just started to play and talk with our dog and act like I wasn’t even in the room.This usually leads me to asking “Did you even listen to a word I just said?” And he then just repeats the last sentence of my whole story to make me feel like he was listening. But, instead of even trying, I just walked away in frustration because I’m tired of begging to feel heard and appreciated. I’m about ready to walk away from everything.Am I being dramatic to feel like this lack of communication is really because he does not care about my passions or accomplishments? Does he just not know how to effectively communicate with people? Or are we just not compatible because our needs and expectations with communication are so different?
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