I [23M] am in a complicated situation with a longtime friend [22F]

I’ll make this as short as I can.

Last fall me and this girl I’ve known since we were 13-14 ish started hanging out more as we both moved away to the same city for school and work after high school. Keep in mind she had moved away for a while already so we sort of lost touch with each other for a couple years.

I ended up winning some tickets to an NHL hockey game from a school contest, and I asked her to come with me seeing as we were in the same city now. It was a lot of fun so we started hanging out more on the weekends. We did things like finding new breakfast joints in the city and going out to edm shows or ‘raves’ where we danced together quite a bit. Over the span of a few months in the back of my mind I had kinda started to catch feelings but ignored them.

One day I was hanging out with her and a couple of her other friends made assumptions and asked us if we had been dating for a while, and I joking said to her “I don’t know are we?” to which she replied “hey let’s just have some fun.” Kinda embarrassed about it I interpreted what she said as nothing serious would ever be able to happen.

So I let the feelings I had go, and moved back to my hometown when the school semester ended in April.

I didn’t see her again until the end of June, where me, her and a few other friends rented an Airbnb and went to a 3 day edm festival.

Over the course of those 3 days me and her got a lot closer and eventually crashed in the same bed a couple of nights which was nice. I could tell she was really catching feelings at the time and all of what I felt earlier in the year came flooding back. We were so happy.

We left the festival completely head over heels for each other and kept in constant contact over the next month via phone and texting. She lived in the city still and I was 3 hours away back home. I couldn’t visit her due to my work schedule but she did eventually come to town and we went for drinks.

She told me that she wanted to just stay as friends which I found surprising considering the way we were talking for the past few weeks. She said at one point she wanted to spend the rest her life with me. She told me that she didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship when she left for school in a different city in the next few months, which I understood although I was really saddened by this. This happened around the end of July.

The next weekend she ended up going to a 2 day edm festival in Washington state with a couple of her girlfriends and ended up meeting this other older dude which I saw taking place on Instagram. Turns out they hooked up and she’s completely in love with him now. I didn’t find that out for a while though. He lives in Vancouver which is around a 10 hour drive from the city we live in. Yet she is still willing to fly out and visit him fairly often.

Before summer ended I saw her a few more times with our old friend group from high school. We also have like 80+ more mutual friends but that doesn’t really matter. It was really hard to see her again after what happened between us but I tried to play it cool and be a good friend. After I found out about her new guy though I was really thrown off and felt (still feel) depressed about the whole situation.

It is even more difficult though because we are so connected through mutual friends and end up seeing each other again and again.

Now that I’m back at college in the city she has wanted to meet up again and go for breakfast together but I am unsure of what to do.

I have minimal dating experience but this whole situation really threw off my confidence and feeling of self worth, especially after her mentioning not wanting to be in a long distance relationship with anyone when she leaves for school. I feel like I’m not good enough.

I find myself feeling really sad everytime I have met up with her, knowing that I’m not the one she wants anymore. I just keep thinking about all our experiences over the years and how it would have been so amazing to be together.

TLDR: got out of the friendzone and then got put back into it, only to find out it was because she found someone better.

Do I keep seeing her? Is there a way to get over this and still be friends?

I’ve never been in a situation like this before so any advice is appreciated.

Submitted October 01, 2019 at 11:38PM

I’ll make this as short as I can.Last fall me and this girl I’ve known since we were 13-14 ish started hanging out more as we both moved away to the same city for school and work after high school. Keep in mind she had moved away for a while already so we sort of lost touch with each other for a couple years.I ended up winning some tickets to an NHL hockey game from a school contest, and I asked her to come with me seeing as we were in the same city now. It was a lot of fun so we started hanging out more on the weekends. We did things like finding new breakfast joints in the city and going out to edm shows or ‘raves’ where we danced together quite a bit. Over the span of a few months in the back of my mind I had kinda started to catch feelings but ignored them.One day I was hanging out with her and a couple of her other friends made assumptions and asked us if we had been dating for a while, and I joking said to her “I don’t know are we?” to which she replied “hey let’s just have some fun.” Kinda embarrassed about it I interpreted what she said as nothing serious would ever be able to happen.So I let the feelings I had go, and moved back to my hometown when the school semester ended in April.I didn’t see her again until the end of June, where me, her and a few other friends rented an Airbnb and went to a 3 day edm festival.Over the course of those 3 days me and her got a lot closer and eventually crashed in the same bed a couple of nights which was nice. I could tell she was really catching feelings at the time and all of what I felt earlier in the year came flooding back. We were so happy.We left the festival completely head over heels for each other and kept in constant contact over the next month via phone and texting. She lived in the city still and I was 3 hours away back home. I couldn’t visit her due to my work schedule but she did eventually come to town and we went for drinks.She told me that she wanted to just stay as friends which I found surprising considering the way we were talking for the past few weeks. She said at one point she wanted to spend the rest her life with me. She told me that she didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship when she left for school in a different city in the next few months, which I understood although I was really saddened by this. This happened around the end of July.The next weekend she ended up going to a 2 day edm festival in Washington state with a couple of her girlfriends and ended up meeting this other older dude which I saw taking place on Instagram. Turns out they hooked up and she’s completely in love with him now. I didn’t find that out for a while though. He lives in Vancouver which is around a 10 hour drive from the city we live in. Yet she is still willing to fly out and visit him fairly often.Before summer ended I saw her a few more times with our old friend group from high school. We also have like 80+ more mutual friends but that doesn’t really matter. It was really hard to see her again after what happened between us but I tried to play it cool and be a good friend. After I found out about her new guy though I was really thrown off and felt (still feel) depressed about the whole situation.It is even more difficult though because we are so connected through mutual friends and end up seeing each other again and again.Now that I’m back at college in the city she has wanted to meet up again and go for breakfast together but I am unsure of what to do.I have minimal dating experience but this whole situation really threw off my confidence and feeling of self worth, especially after her mentioning not wanting to be in a long distance relationship with anyone when she leaves for school. I feel like I’m not good enough.I find myself feeling really sad everytime I have met up with her, knowing that I’m not the one she wants anymore. I just keep thinking about all our experiences over the years and how it would have been so amazing to be together.TLDR: got out of the friendzone and then got put back into it, only to find out it was because she found someone better.Do I keep seeing her? Is there a way to get over this and still be friends?I’ve never been in a situation like this before so any advice is appreciated.