Another ghosting episode, but somehow worse: advice on next step?

I've been ghosted before. It's part of online dating. It sucks but that's life and that's not the point here.

Matched on bumble. Good banter for almost a week in which we texted every day. She asked me out. The date was casual drinks at a bar. We love a lot of the same shows and have a similar sense of humor. We laughed a lot and had repeated light mutual physical contact. We discussed multiple things we both wanted to do together around town, though did not make tangible plans to do so (more like bonding over those shared interests). We talked about online dating, and I told her my favorite interactions are when a woman on an app writes point blank that she is not interested in meeting or continuing to talk and wishes me luck, and I tell them thank you and good luck. I know a lot of women are met with rage when they try to reject someone, but I'm always happy to have that closure in a polite adult manner, so despite the disappointment it literally brings me joy when someone ends things explicitly. An important note is that I'm moving from my current location in a few weeks, so it known before we even met that this would be a limited engagement (also at zero point did either of us imply anything sexual). I ended the date after a few hours because I had a horrible sore throat. We kissed for maybe 20 seconds and she dove right in with some tongue. Not a sexual kiss but definitely romantic and mutually engaged. We texted briefly when we each got home, and her final text said "talk to you tomorrow!"

During the date a recurring subject was how many days she had left in school. The next day I texted once congratulating her on the new number of days left. That's all I said that day. The next day I did the same thing, just the one text that day too, didn't want to be pushy. Third day I made a rhyming poem incorporating the new number of days. Also since she had not responded by this point I reasoned that since I hadn't asked any questions maybe she felt I hadn't given her something specific to respond to, so I asked how her week was going (deliberately kept it simple). By now I reasoned maybe those three texts, one each for 3 days, were too much, so I did nothing for 3 or 4 more days. At that point I confessed to her that given her final text (talk to you tomorrow), our pleasant-seeming date, our loosely discussed plans for more meetings, the fact that she texted daily before meeting, and the story about how much I loved when women explicitly shut me down instead of just disappearing, I was now legitimately worried that something had happened to her. I told her no big deal if she is not interested, all I wanted to know is if she was okay. Naturally still no response. That was one week ago tomorrow. Zero contact since then.

As of today she unmatched me on bumble (might have been any time in the past 3 or 4 days. That's not a big deal since it is clear she wasnt interested, but it's important because it reassures me that she is, at least, alive.

Again, ghosting happens. Maybe I was wholly unappealing to her. And again, I'm moving out of state in a few weeks anyway (which she knew before and during the date). Viable reasons to discontinue interacting. But the harshness of this one felt more malicious than normal ghosting.

My question: what now? I dont want to send any more texts because that puts me in the territory of "guy won't stop harassing woman for not wanting him/ghosting him", a trope which I hate. On the other hand, since my last text to her admitted genuine concern for her well-being, I kind of want to send a final text just saying "I saw you unmatched me, glad you're ok, take care", or something similarly final and docile. Then again, this episode was so dehumanizing, I'm strongly tempted to say so (not attacking her, just literally saying how dehumanized this made me feel and how I've spent a week anguishing over whether I should contact someone to make sure she is ok, and again ending with a "goodbye" or "take care" to make it clear I'm not expecting or interested in talking further).

I know this amounts to a pitiful rant. I get turned down plenty, so this isn't spite at being rejected (I dont think?). I would absolutely love any advice here. Please, serious replies only and please be respectful (both to me and to her).

Submitted September 02, 2019 at 11:13PM

I've been ghosted before. It's part of online dating. It sucks but that's life and that's not the point here.Matched on bumble. Good banter for almost a week in which we texted every day. She asked me out. The date was casual drinks at a bar. We love a lot of the same shows and have a similar sense of humor. We laughed a lot and had repeated light mutual physical contact. We discussed multiple things we both wanted to do together around town, though did not make tangible plans to do so (more like bonding over those shared interests). We talked about online dating, and I told her my favorite interactions are when a woman on an app writes point blank that she is not interested in meeting or continuing to talk and wishes me luck, and I tell them thank you and good luck. I know a lot of women are met with rage when they try to reject someone, but I'm always happy to have that closure in a polite adult manner, so despite the disappointment it literally brings me joy when someone ends things explicitly. An important note is that I'm moving from my current location in a few weeks, so it known before we even met that this would be a limited engagement (also at zero point did either of us imply anything sexual). I ended the date after a few hours because I had a horrible sore throat. We kissed for maybe 20 seconds and she dove right in with some tongue. Not a sexual kiss but definitely romantic and mutually engaged. We texted briefly when we each got home, and her final text said "talk to you tomorrow!"During the date a recurring subject was how many days she had left in school. The next day I texted once congratulating her on the new number of days left. That's all I said that day. The next day I did the same thing, just the one text that day too, didn't want to be pushy. Third day I made a rhyming poem incorporating the new number of days. Also since she had not responded by this point I reasoned that since I hadn't asked any questions maybe she felt I hadn't given her something specific to respond to, so I asked how her week was going (deliberately kept it simple). By now I reasoned maybe those three texts, one each for 3 days, were too much, so I did nothing for 3 or 4 more days. At that point I confessed to her that given her final text (talk to you tomorrow), our pleasant-seeming date, our loosely discussed plans for more meetings, the fact that she texted daily before meeting, and the story about how much I loved when women explicitly shut me down instead of just disappearing, I was now legitimately worried that something had happened to her. I told her no big deal if she is not interested, all I wanted to know is if she was okay. Naturally still no response. That was one week ago tomorrow. Zero contact since then.As of today she unmatched me on bumble (might have been any time in the past 3 or 4 days. That's not a big deal since it is clear she wasnt interested, but it's important because it reassures me that she is, at least, alive.Again, ghosting happens. Maybe I was wholly unappealing to her. And again, I'm moving out of state in a few weeks anyway (which she knew before and during the date). Viable reasons to discontinue interacting. But the harshness of this one felt more malicious than normal ghosting.My question: what now? I dont want to send any more texts because that puts me in the territory of "guy won't stop harassing woman for not wanting him/ghosting him", a trope which I hate. On the other hand, since my last text to her admitted genuine concern for her well-being, I kind of want to send a final text just saying "I saw you unmatched me, glad you're ok, take care", or something similarly final and docile. Then again, this episode was so dehumanizing, I'm strongly tempted to say so (not attacking her, just literally saying how dehumanized this made me feel and how I've spent a week anguishing over whether I should contact someone to make sure she is ok, and again ending with a "goodbye" or "take care" to make it clear I'm not expecting or interested in talking further).I know this amounts to a pitiful rant. I get turned down plenty, so this isn't spite at being rejected (I dont think?). I would absolutely love any advice here. Please, serious replies only and please be respectful (both to me and to her).