The reason I don't hit the join button on this sub is basically this, most of the posts here are one of the following: "Yooooo ace flag!" "Don't you hate it when [banal thing that has nothing to do with being ace]?" "Am I ace if I do [thing that the FAQ would clear up]?" July 31, 2023 at 11:23PM

This is such a difficult question. I do CONSTANTLY wish I was allo, especially because I am sex repulsed. No matter how much therapy I go to, nothing changes the subconscious guilt I have of feeling like a failure as a partner because my partner is allo (he is well aware of my sexuality and fully accepts me for who I am). HOWEVER, if I simply accepted that I am a sex repulsed asexual much earlier in life and never had an allo partner, I feel like my answer would be “stay as an asexual.” I love my partner, please don’t think I don’t, I just don’t understand how an allo would want to be in this situation… July 31, 2023 at 11:21PM

I haven't been to queer specific events because I'm too shy. However, I coincidentally made friends with a lot of queer people before I realized I was queer (maybe we're drawn to each other haha). I've found queer people to be one of the most accepting groups and they were supportive when I thought I was straight, when I came out as heteromantic ace, and when I realized I am biromantic. They supported me through my changes on my journey of self discovery. That being said, I've met these friends at college and not at a queer group. I think in interest specific group settings things can easily get "competitive". Eg. Book club "well I read REAL books and not mainstream movie books". And competitive for queer spaces is "well I'm more queer than you" July 31, 2023 at 11:20PM

Yes I've been in both non consensual relationship and consensual and to be honest I never felt like the way people described like I have felt the need to suddenly sleep with someone got a pretty normal to lower libido so I think of it like the lower half is doing its good but my personality and brain is like nah. Yes I chose to do it with her but because I wanted to feel loved and wanted to understand what the others felt. But everytime I did it I felt normal and not all hot and flustered. I just did it like an act or something. July 31, 2023 at 11:12PM

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/abstinence First definition: "the practice of abstaining from something : the practice of not doing or having something that is wanted or enjoyable" Though of course different people will still use a word differently. July 31, 2023 at 11:09PM

you sound kinda creepy 💀 July 30, 2023 at 11:45PM

The labels aren't divisive; they exist to differentiate the various points of the asexuality spectrum so that people can understand where they stand, and therefore understand themselves better. July 30, 2023 at 11:42PM

I am not sure what your birth gender is but there are some herbs etc that can supposedly diminish sexual desire. I looked into stuff before as a hypersexual Allo male but I am not sure that it did any good :) You can try chaste tree berry (Vitex agnus-castus). Monks supposedly used it July 30, 2023 at 11:40PM

The idea that not having sex for an extended period of time is apparently torturous. Are they like Spock in Star Trek where they’ll suffer agonising pain?? No?? July 30, 2023 at 11:36PM

On occasion It’s boring July 30, 2023 at 11:35PM

Someone says they are not pregnant. But they are and the procedures are causing severe disabilities that could have been avoided. Something that can cost even more if u want to just see it from the financial pov. Plus, as another person said here: many people in the us seem to be very misinformed and uneducated about sex, so I can think of a few situations in which people could be pregnant but we're thinking 'oh no, you can't get pregnant from THAT or sth along the lines' July 29, 2023 at 11:20PM

I said i should have asked that it is not shaming that it is stating the fact that I shouldn't have asked because it's not to my interest. All you're doing is shaming me for not wanting to hear about fingering people. I never shamed them i said i should have asked because it grossed me out to here about sex which is also completely reasonable because im 14 fucking years old and a victim in multiple rape cases. It's reasonable for me to be slightly grossed out to hear about sexual activity, doesnt mean im shaming anyone. I literally disclaimed that fact, but instead, i just continued to be harassed by the mods for no reason. My comment wasnt inappropriate im just an innocent person so i wish i didnt ask so i didnt have to hear. I literally blamed myself with those words and to say that its unnecessary for me to say what i said is completely fucked up July 29, 2023 at 11:17PM

update? July 28, 2023 at 11:33PM

Our community is here every time you have a doubt! July 27, 2023 at 11:34PM

I do! And I love them. The part that is even worse it that I can’t tell my mom the good news July 27, 2023 at 11:31PM

I try to have a bit of back and forth with girls the first few messages and then ask them out, but recently all of them have just ghosted me or unmatched when I do. But I see people on reddit saying they want to meet asap and not be penpals etc, so I'm confused what is happening. I'm using the apps in the UK btw if there's a cultural difference or something compared to US apps Submitted July 27, 2023 at 12:16AM I try to have a bit of back and forth with girls the first few messages and then ask them out, but recently all of them have just ghosted me or unmatched when I do. But I see people on reddit saying they want to meet asap and not be penpals etc, so I'm confused what is happening.I'm using the apps in the UK btw if there's a cultural difference or something compared to US apps

I’m 23, I got in my first relationship about a year ago with this girl I met online. She was very funny and opinionated which was really attractive to me. We could laugh and talk for forever about simple things, spending time with her was always so fun and exciting. She broke up with me after about six months for unrelated commitment issues that didn’t have much to do with how we meshed as individuals. I was really happy with her so I was pretty bummed about the breakup. I remained close friends with her after the breakup for a few months which I regret, as it hasn’t helped me in getting over her if I’m being 100% honest with myself. A couple months ago I stopped reaching out to her when I was getting more serious with my girlfriend. About 3 months ago, I met my current girlfriend. She has a lot of great qualities. she’s kind, very loyal to her close friends and family, loves to laugh and smile. I’m very attracted to her physically. But she is so so different from my previous girlfri

OP is probably a frustrated incel 💀 July 24, 2023 at 11:42PM

I live and breathe music, and I’m interested in practically any subject you throw at me. Biology? Fascinating. Etymology? Fascinating. History, math, astronomy? I could marry them. I love reading, I love animals of almost every kind, but people and social things are one of my weak points. July 23, 2023 at 11:10PM

20f, I like antiquing/thrifting, I collect lots of things like old cameras, vinyl records, rocks/gems and lots of little trinkets. I like to press flowers and leaves, identify them and display them in a photo album. I also like to send postcards, there’s a cool website called postcrossing where you can send postcards to random people and get postcards sent back to you. July 23, 2023 at 11:10PM

THAT'S WHAT THAT IS?? THAT'S A THING?? HOLY FUCK July 22, 2023 at 11:25PM

I’m heteromantic but if you’d like to chat feel free to message me! :) July 21, 2023 at 11:28PM

Open and honest communication is the best way to start a relationship! I know it’s scary. But you have an opportunity to set boundaries now and prevent issues that might arise in the future. Also, please be careful! “Meeting up” might have other connotations or he might have expectations that you don’t. Please take care of yourself! July 20, 2023 at 11:12PM

I mean, seriously, no wonder your father left. July 19, 2023 at 11:18PM

He states that he can watch porn to relieve himself and can control his urges. He constantly asks me if I'm okay with certain behavior like showering together, touching mine or his ass, etc. He wants to know what he can or can't do and respects it. July 19, 2023 at 11:07PM

Okay, then I decline to answer. What’s the survey about anyways? July 18, 2023 at 11:09PM

Well kid, I'm really happy that you learned about asexuality so early in your life! If you're never attracted to anyone, if you're kinda meh on the concept, that's okay! It's okay to be unsure, it's okay to find exceptions from time to time, and it's okay if you wear the label for a little while, or don't, or whatever you want. You can look at porn and take "personal time" and still not be attracted to anyone and still be Ace. It's tough to figure out who you want to be. Here's the important part... You're still a lovable and worthy human being. July 18, 2023 at 11:09PM

I took a break awhile from the dating scene after this girl did me wrong but anyways I’m over it now and decided to hop back on tinder. I’ve been on it for a few days and have gotten a few matches and like 15 likes that I can’t even see since I refuse to pay for tinder. Unfortunately all my matches never end up going anywhere. For example this girl I matched with that was really cute I talked to briefly over tinder and then got her snap. Thought it went well but now I can’t even get a response back after trying to plan a date. Not sure what I’m doing wrong any advice? Submitted July 17, 2023 at 11:59PM I took a break awhile from the dating scene after this girl did me wrong but anyways I’m over it now and decided to hop back on tinder. I’ve been on it for a few days and have gotten a few matches and like 15 likes that I can’t even see since I refuse to pay for tinder. Unfortunately all my matches never end up going anywhere. For example this girl I matched with that was really c

I want to preface this by thanking anyone who reads this and gives advice. (Thanks for reading regardless if you have any advice or not) I have been mostly attracted to Asian women for a good portion of my life. Particularly women of Chinese, Japanese and Korean descent. I have been on a few dates here and there but I have never had a girlfriend. I think I would have more options regarding potential partners if I was attracted to women who looked differently. Does anyone have any advice for finding white, black, Hispanic, ect women attractive? I have only approached Asian women for the last 3 years. I'm limiting myself especially since I am not Asian and people tend to date within their race generally. I greatly appreciate any advice. Submitted July 18, 2023 at 12:11AM I want to preface this by thanking anyone who reads this and gives advice. (Thanks for reading regardless if you have any advice or not) I have been mostly attracted to Asian women for a good portion of my lif

So I (M23) basically just got home today after spending an amazing week with my LDR partner (F20) whom I have dated for quite a few years. Now any time I think of her I can’t help but cry because I can’t hold her in my arms, I still feel a sort of “phantom pain” on my legs and arms where she would sit and where I would hold her. Anyways, point I’m trying to make is how do I cope with not being able to see her for at least a few months and sort of adjusting to how things used to be? I didn’t think it would be this hard since I wasn’t this bad when we met last year. It just feels awful and I want some way of dealing with this any help is greatly appreciated Submitted July 18, 2023 at 12:15AM So I (M23) basically just got home today after spending an amazing week with my LDR partner (F20) whom I have dated for quite a few years. Now any time I think of her I can’t help but cry because I can’t hold her in my arms, I still feel a sort of “phantom pain” on my legs and arms where she w

That is actually not the point people are making. The point is: We already have a problem with visibility compared to some of the other letters. Making the A about Allie often leads to the ace spectrum being left out completely. Its a visibility and erasur issue. July 16, 2023 at 11:36PM

Ok, I'll try this. Thank you! July 16, 2023 at 11:31PM

How did you make this so perfect!! July 15, 2023 at 11:20PM

I’ve been talking to this girl at my job for 6 months, she loves flirting with me and she always looks to try to sit next to me, we take care of each-other. However, when I text her she is very dry sounds uninterested. What should I do? Submitted July 14, 2023 at 11:59PM I’ve been talking to this girl at my job for 6 months, she loves flirting with me and she always looks to try to sit next to me, we take care of each-other. However, when I text her she is very dry sounds uninterested. What should I do?

I(24f) would say we are quite close, we talk to each other every shift that we have together, and usually about things that are alot more personal than the things the average person would talk about with a co-worker. He’s(58) driven me home a few times, and we’ve talked outside of work quite a few times. He’s helped me out at work many times and is a help to me outside of work too. We joke around with each other alot and are very similar in personality. The one day, we were walking to his car while talking to another one of his buddies and called me ‘his girl’, and i liked it, but I’ve been overthinking it ever since. A part of me is scared that he just sees me like an adopt child and i don’t want to fuck up the friendship we have together by telling him i have romantic feelings for him. Idk what to do, and everyday, the feelings get stronger.. Submitted July 15, 2023 at 12:05AM I(24f) would say we are quite close, we talk to each other every shift that we have together, and usu

That's a good reason :) July 13, 2023 at 11:11PM

I always just felt either indifferent, like it was a task I did to make my boyfriend happy and nothing else, or uncomfortable when kissing. So I relate to you on that. I don’t have much experience on this front though (only have kissed 2 people in my 23 yrs of life). It just seems weird to me and not like something I could see me initiating with future partners unless they do first. July 12, 2023 at 11:16PM

In some areas, it's commonly viewed as "code", due to asexuality being more socially acceptable in those areas. I've had that before; people assumed I and a friend were lesbian because we were sharing an apartment, never mind that we each had our own room. My refusal to let neighbors set me up on a date didn't help the perception. July 12, 2023 at 11:15PM

Yep. Especially when I was younger and I didn't know asexuality was a thing. I would tell people I'm not interested in boys and they were like "well then you're a lesbian" and that didn't feel right either. It's similar with the idea that Bi people are "gay and in denial" July 12, 2023 at 11:15PM

Jag är också nyfiken på receptet, om man kan få det hehe :) Ser ju så otroligt god ut! July 12, 2023 at 11:12PM

I am 23F and only know 1 other ace person IRL, I would love to get to know other ace friends though! July 12, 2023 at 11:11PM

That’s why I also asked my question. As a woman who’s been slut shamed since 12, I’m not sure how the question could be innocent, but if it is, it’d be helpful for the commenter to recognize what most women or female presenting individuals face regularly. This way they can moderate their behavior in the future. July 12, 2023 at 11:07PM

I'm attracted to a friend of mine. Have been for about 6 months. We see each other 4 to 5 times a week. I suck at picking up ques and anytime I thought she was flirting with me, I dismissed it as me looking too much into it and she is probably just being nice. It wasnt until mutual female friends of ours started pointing it out after we all hung out that i actually started paying attention. We would hang out together outside of our friend group and have had some pretty intimate conversations. I Recently found out she has boyfriend though but in the 5 months of us talking she never once mentioned it and always gave the impression she was single. Then the small amount she did say about him wasn't anything positive. "Didn't work, didn't cook/clean" those are the kinds of things she said. I ended up telling her I liked her and she told me that she is loyal to her boyfriend. Which I respect and accept. Yet since then she still seems very flirty and our friends sti

Posted this elsewhere, but looking for more input. Incoming wall of text. About 4 weeks ago, I met this chick at a bar while out on a Friday. I approached her because I thought she was cute, and we talked a little a hit it off. I texted her that night that I was taking her out on a date that week, to which she playfully asked me if I did that with every girl I meet at the bar. We mutually agreed on a place to go and the plan was set. First date went well (4 hours) and I kissed her at the end, second date (three days later) was even better (4 hours) and we made out in my car. This night, she invited me to go on a trip with her to Miami at the end of July, to which I told her I'd think about it (she really wanted me to go). Third date was at a drive-in in which we got intimate in the back of an SUV and spent seven hours together (however, I was not able to get it up, and this continued to be a problem until recently due to performance anxiety). After that night, we basically saw e

This was literally me, I turned 19 and thought, "oh it's me " and I've been identifying as ace ever since lmao July 10, 2023 at 11:08PM

No, because I just tell them that the right person would accept that I’m ace. July 09, 2023 at 11:21PM

Yes. I get that maybe once a month. Maybe. I do not care for it. July 09, 2023 at 11:11PM

Yay!!🖤🩶🤍💜 July 08, 2023 at 11:27PM

Not so sure about the other replies you got.... a bit strange advice. Also not really answering your question. First things first, I think posting here is fine. You explained very well why you might be interested in this community. Yes, relationships between asexuals and allosexuals (people who do experience sexual attraction) occur, there are many stories on this subreddit about them. They require clear communication so the allosexual partner's needs are met within the limits of the asexual person's boundaries. Sometimes the needs are too incompatible, leading to the allo partner feeling undesired/unloved and the ace partner feeling guilty or pressured. I remember reading a post about a guy who loved giving sexual pleasure to his wife, but never piv and he didn't like receiving sexual pleasure from her either. So these are the kinds of compromises that ace/allo partners make. You just show love and desire in different ways Alright 😂 I'll help you along. The ac

Share stories here… Submitted July 07, 2023 at 12:17AM Share stories here…

Yasmin Benoit, who became the focus of this firestorm by looking her best at Pride, uses #ThisIsWhatAsexualLooksLike. July 05, 2023 at 11:07PM

A preferable fate to the continual existence of Twitter. July 04, 2023 at 11:18PM

Uncle ruckus is the only name I know here, dunno who the people in these tweets are July 03, 2023 at 11:17PM

This seems like an aro question rather an ace question. Because crushes can be just romantic attraction. July 02, 2023 at 11:07PM

I'm a (personally) sex repulsed asexual. In the past I forced myself to date to fit in with society's expectations but it never felt right. It took half of my twenties to come to term with being asexual and I am happy being single. There is no right person for me because I'm uninterested in dating, haven't dated in twenty years. But that's just me and everyone's different, wanting different things. July 02, 2023 at 11:01PM

I'm talking to a man who is 42 (I'm a 40 year old woman). He claims he's a loner. Have any women out here ever dated a loner man before? Was he flaky or consistent with communication, following through with plans, etc.? I'm curious what it's like to date a loner who treasures his solitude but also makes time to date/be in a relationship. Thoughts? Submitted July 02, 2023 at 12:16AM I'm talking to a man who is 42 (I'm a 40 year old woman). He claims he's a loner. Have any women out here ever dated a loner man before? Was he flaky or consistent with communication, following through with plans, etc.? I'm curious what it's like to date a loner who treasures his solitude but also makes time to date/be in a relationship.Thoughts?