I don’t understand him

Me 23F and him 25M been seeing each other for about a month, has have sex twice, and had the exclusivity talk. He still texts me enthusiastically and wants to meet up to hang out and do things other than sex, but there’s this gut feeling that is similar to how I have felt about guys who later have either slow fade or ghosted me in the past. It’s like he’s flirty and caring to an extent but not enough to make me feel secure. I have been with men in the past that don’t make me question whether he truly likes me as well as men who clearly just wanted me for sex, and he falls somewhat in the middle.

For example, we text daily and he responds pretty quickly but it’s always me who initiates the conversation. I ask a lot about him and his life and he follows sometimes but not that much. I feel I don’t know much about him aside from where he goes for work (which is a whole struggle in itself bc he hides it and it took a while for him to “trust” me enough to reveal it to me) and some of his hobbies. I have never been in a relationship and same goes for him, so I don’t have much experience in how much one should reveal about themselves or if it’s too early but I have been with guys that allowed me to know almost everything about them on first or second date so this guy is a bit distant. That’s okay everyone is different so I don’t try to prod too much but I don’t want to learn more about him and I feel awkward asking things now bc how he either answers in vague details or deflects the question.

He also has a Facebook page that he told me he doesn’t uses much but he has sent me funny video links from Facebook before so idk abt that, I tried adding bc him but he didn’t add back.

Hes also super busy on the weekend, to the point that sometimes we don’t text the entire day and if we do it’s me who initiated again and he takes way longer to respond compared to during the week.

When I asked him abt exclusivity he agreed with me but when I asked what u think abt dating with the intent for relationship or is he dating just for fun and he said nah I don’t date for fun, but never full on stating yeah imma date to find a relationship ? He has said since the first date that he’s okay with one if it does lead to that though.

I have anxious attachment so I’m not sure if this is all in my head and I need to calm down or is my intuition correct (as it has been in the past)? Guys who left me after I had sex with them showed a clear pattern of loss of interest afterwards compared to before, he doesn’t do that so now idk what to make of that. If he just wants a sex buddy why would he keep hanging out with me in public places? Why asks abt me or suggested future plans? But at the same time, he doesn’t show enough engagement for me to feel secure, not enough emotional intimacy bc he doesn’t talk about personal things with me. He said he’ll be there to support me but when I said the same he said he isn’t the type to talk about stuffs like that.

Should I try to talk to him about this? Would it be too soon for him to open up to me?

Submitted April 10, 2023 at 01:16AM

Me 23F and him 25M been seeing each other for about a month, has have sex twice, and had the exclusivity talk. He still texts me enthusiastically and wants to meet up to hang out and do things other than sex, but there’s this gut feeling that is similar to how I have felt about guys who later have either slow fade or ghosted me in the past. It’s like he’s flirty and caring to an extent but not enough to make me feel secure. I have been with men in the past that don’t make me question whether he truly likes me as well as men who clearly just wanted me for sex, and he falls somewhat in the middle.For example, we text daily and he responds pretty quickly but it’s always me who initiates the conversation. I ask a lot about him and his life and he follows sometimes but not that much. I feel I don’t know much about him aside from where he goes for work (which is a whole struggle in itself bc he hides it and it took a while for him to “trust” me enough to reveal it to me) and some of his hobbies. I have never been in a relationship and same goes for him, so I don’t have much experience in how much one should reveal about themselves or if it’s too early but I have been with guys that allowed me to know almost everything about them on first or second date so this guy is a bit distant. That’s okay everyone is different so I don’t try to prod too much but I don’t want to learn more about him and I feel awkward asking things now bc how he either answers in vague details or deflects the question.He also has a Facebook page that he told me he doesn’t uses much but he has sent me funny video links from Facebook before so idk abt that, I tried adding bc him but he didn’t add back.Hes also super busy on the weekend, to the point that sometimes we don’t text the entire day and if we do it’s me who initiated again and he takes way longer to respond compared to during the week.When I asked him abt exclusivity he agreed with me but when I asked what u think abt dating with the intent for relationship or is he dating just for fun and he said nah I don’t date for fun, but never full on stating yeah imma date to find a relationship ? He has said since the first date that he’s okay with one if it does lead to that though.I have anxious attachment so I’m not sure if this is all in my head and I need to calm down or is my intuition correct (as it has been in the past)? Guys who left me after I had sex with them showed a clear pattern of loss of interest afterwards compared to before, he doesn’t do that so now idk what to make of that. If he just wants a sex buddy why would he keep hanging out with me in public places? Why asks abt me or suggested future plans? But at the same time, he doesn’t show enough engagement for me to feel secure, not enough emotional intimacy bc he doesn’t talk about personal things with me. He said he’ll be there to support me but when I said the same he said he isn’t the type to talk about stuffs like that.Should I try to talk to him about this? Would it be too soon for him to open up to me?