How am I as a Young Black Man, Supposed to feel about Modern Dating? (Crosspost)
(crosspost from /r/blackmen)
i thought it was interesting but even though I dont agree with his views I see were the op is coming form towards other races of women. whenver I see an attractive woman thats another race my first thought is 'is she into black guys?' and I think back to things like statistics and guys I know both irl and online who succeed and fail the poster talked about a black guy who went crazy, almost killed people and then killed himself because he kept getting rejected by asian girls. I cant imagine being rejected 1500 times.
_____________________________________________
There was already a thread about that, but the replies were awful, like I wish I could find a more polite way to put it, but it was literally stomach churningly garbage. No actual advice was given, a few of the posts seem to be subtlety blaming the OP. The thread was about a YOUNG black man and the most upvoted post is literally just saying "wait until you're 30 and they'll come".
Getting dating advice as a young black man is horrible. It's nothing but victim blaming, generic "bootstraps" advice by old and out of touch black men, and black women and other races itching to villainize you for having any sort of preference or standard.
Especially black men who consider themselves corny or safe. I don't know how many times "corny" black men have to come out and tell the world that dating for them was a nightmare before people get it through their skulls. I don't understand it, What makes it worse is that modern dating is a special kind of torture for "safe/corny" young black men who have standards.
The black community is so focused on healing and therapy for black men, but then invalidate their experiences or gaslight them into thinking they're ugly or don't have good hygiene the second they vent about their dating issues or, my personal favorite, they aren't "checking for their counterparts" which makes no sense.
And another thing I hate is how much people pretend like there isn't a problem.
------------
I was reading this new article about dating statistics and the stats are eye opening.
Author Jennifer Lundquist explains in The Dating Divide: How systematic racism manifests in online dating.https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520293458/the-dating-divide
The Dating Divide is the first comprehensive look at "digital-xesual racism," a distinct form of racism that is mediated and amplified through the impersonal and anonymous context of online dating. Drawing on large-scale behavioural data from a mainstream dating website, extensive archival research, and more than seventy-five in-depth interviews with daters of diverse racial backgrounds and xesual identities, Curington, Lundquist, and Lin illustrate how the seemingly open space of the internet interacts with the loss of social inhibition in cyberspace contexts, fostering openly expressed forms of xesual racism that are rarely exposed in face-to-face encounters. The Dating Divide is a fascinating look at how a contemporary conflux of individualization, consumerism, and the proliferation of digital technologies has given rise to a unique form of gendered racism in the era of swiping right—or left.
Jennifer’s findings:
- Race is the biggest dealbreaker in online dating!
- White men are the most desired
- ALL WOMEN (OF ALL RACES) preferences were strongest for white men!
- Gay men (except black gay men) preferred white men
- MEN, preferred women of their own race first!
- Whiteness is the defining characteristic for women
- Digital xesual Racism is real! There is PERSISTENT ANTI-BLACKNESS that operates in the psyche of “White, Asian, Hispanic, Multi-racial, straight men and gay women”. Every group participated in anti-blackness, except black men. THIS INCLUDES GAY BLACK WOMEN.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAJcq3qMfds
The average rejection rate for all men is 72.4%, and for black men it's 78.3%
------------
Not going to lie, I've lost so much respect for black women right now, but it does line up with what I see online. Hell, in that first thread in the related threads section to the side, you could literally see an attractive black woman with a nerdy white man. Black women on reddit make up more of the users in these interracial dating subs than each race combined. Go on r/interracialdating and it will be filled with either pictures or threads about black women in them.
I can see why so many older black men, who I assume make up the bulk of this sub, try to deny or push back, but they have to realize GenZ and the later half of GenX operate differently. You can go on tiktok or twitter right now and see black women below the age of 25 retorting divestor talking points
Now, I'm not going to deny that young black men can be just as goofy, but who gets called out more? That Passport bros tiktok video by that Korean lady was insulting because people of all races, and that included black women, weren't even trying to hide their contempt from us. And yes, the Korean lady was lumping all black men into this, she literally generalized us in the captions. "black men in general"
I brought it up here and people a few months ago and people did nothing but downplay it. A video with well over a million views, 250k likes, and 23k comments full of women of all races going in on black men and the first instinct of people here was to pretend like it didn't happen or downplay it.
---------
What's more, it seems like dating outside your race is just as hard, if not harder if you want a quality woman. The divorce rates for black men and white women are scary, I have legit never seen a hispanic woman I've considered attractive with a black man, Not one, but two black men have tried to (or actually have) killed themselves over being rejected by Asian women, the only black men I see getting arab women are african men in france. The list goes on.
You can't even get advice for that lol. r/blackladies has a flair for interracial couples, but this board short circuits the second someone makes a thread about how to get a non-black woman. And if the few black men who post themselves with their gfs/wives on r/interracialdating are anything to go by, I don't think I'd want their advice. We really need to talk about how so many black men have low standards.
I don't know what's more infuriating, as far as interracial dating goes, the fact that black men have this unidirectional love for black women and then try to guilt or gatekeep or are incompetent and unhelpful in this situation
-or
The fact that other races of women have the nerve to be offended or weirded out by the "do you like black guys" question when they know damn well that they'd be offended or even frightened if a black man asked them out. I'm actually hoping this reaches another sub so I can see their responses. I can already envision it now.
Asian women will call it fetishizing because a non-white man had the gall to find her attractive, Hispanic women will pretend like they don't call us slurs in spanish for approaching them as soon as we're out of sight, and white women will pretend like they aren't scared of us and don't laugh about it with their friends.
----
Most black men aren't light skin, chiseled, have a full hair line, and have eurocentric facial features all in one. exceptionally good looks is more of a requirement for us when it isn't for these white dudes. Of course the average black chick is going to choose the above guy over an average dusty looking white dude. But an average looking white dude is more likely to get responses than an average looking black dude (hell, that same black dude can even be moderately handsome and clean too).
The same thing, if not worse, goes for the other races of women too
______________________________________
Submitted March 26, 2023 at 12:04AM
(crosspost from /r/blackmen)i thought it was interesting but even though I dont agree with his views I see were the op is coming form towards other races of women. whenver I see an attractive woman thats another race my first thought is 'is she into black guys?' and I think back to things like statistics and guys I know both irl and online who succeed and fail the poster talked about a black guy who went crazy, almost killed people and then killed himself because he kept getting rejected by asian girls. I cant imagine being rejected 1500 times._____________________________________________There was already a thread about that, but the replies were awful, like I wish I could find a more polite way to put it, but it was literally stomach churningly garbage. No actual advice was given, a few of the posts seem to be subtlety blaming the OP. The thread was about a YOUNG black man and the most upvoted post is literally just saying "wait until you're 30 and they'll come".Getting dating advice as a young black man is horrible. It's nothing but victim blaming, generic "bootstraps" advice by old and out of touch black men, and black women and other races itching to villainize you for having any sort of preference or standard.Especially black men who consider themselves corny or safe. I don't know how many times "corny" black men have to come out and tell the world that dating for them was a nightmare before people get it through their skulls. I don't understand it, What makes it worse is that modern dating is a special kind of torture for "safe/corny" young black men who have standards.The black community is so focused on healing and therapy for black men, but then invalidate their experiences or gaslight them into thinking they're ugly or don't have good hygiene the second they vent about their dating issues or, my personal favorite, they aren't "checking for their counterparts" which makes no sense.And another thing I hate is how much people pretend like there isn't a problem.------------I was reading this new article about dating statistics and the stats are eye opening.Author Jennifer Lundquist explains in The Dating Divide: How systematic racism manifests in online dating.https://ift.tt/bURs4Ax Dating Divide is the first comprehensive look at "digital-xesual racism," a distinct form of racism that is mediated and amplified through the impersonal and anonymous context of online dating. Drawing on large-scale behavioural data from a mainstream dating website, extensive archival research, and more than seventy-five in-depth interviews with daters of diverse racial backgrounds and xesual identities, Curington, Lundquist, and Lin illustrate how the seemingly open space of the internet interacts with the loss of social inhibition in cyberspace contexts, fostering openly expressed forms of xesual racism that are rarely exposed in face-to-face encounters. The Dating Divide is a fascinating look at how a contemporary conflux of individualization, consumerism, and the proliferation of digital technologies has given rise to a unique form of gendered racism in the era of swiping right—or left.Jennifer’s findings:Race is the biggest dealbreaker in online dating!White men are the most desiredALL WOMEN (OF ALL RACES) preferences were strongest for white men!Gay men (except black gay men) preferred white menMEN, preferred women of their own race first!Whiteness is the defining characteristic for womenDigital xesual Racism is real! There is PERSISTENT ANTI-BLACKNESS that operates in the psyche of “White, Asian, Hispanic, Multi-racial, straight men and gay women”. Every group participated in anti-blackness, except black men. THIS INCLUDES GAY BLACK WOMEN.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAJcq3qMfdsThe average rejection rate for all men is 72.4%, and for black men it's 78.3%https://ift.tt/9Uym4PZ going to lie, I've lost so much respect for black women right now, but it does line up with what I see online. Hell, in that first thread in the related threads section to the side, you could literally see an attractive black woman with a nerdy white man. Black women on reddit make up more of the users in these interracial dating subs than each race combined. Go on r/interracialdating and it will be filled with either pictures or threads about black women in them.I can see why so many older black men, who I assume make up the bulk of this sub, try to deny or push back, but they have to realize GenZ and the later half of GenX operate differently. You can go on tiktok or twitter right now and see black women below the age of 25 retorting divestor talking pointsNow, I'm not going to deny that young black men can be just as goofy, but who gets called out more? That Passport bros tiktok video by that Korean lady was insulting because people of all races, and that included black women, weren't even trying to hide their contempt from us. And yes, the Korean lady was lumping all black men into this, she literally generalized us in the captions. "black men in general"I brought it up here and people a few months ago and people did nothing but downplay it. A video with well over a million views, 250k likes, and 23k comments full of women of all races going in on black men and the first instinct of people here was to pretend like it didn't happen or downplay it.---------What's more, it seems like dating outside your race is just as hard, if not harder if you want a quality woman. The divorce rates for black men and white women are scary, I have legit never seen a hispanic woman I've considered attractive with a black man, Not one, but two black men have tried to (or actually have) killed themselves over being rejected by Asian women, the only black men I see getting arab women are african men in france. The list goes on.You can't even get advice for that lol. r/blackladies has a flair for interracial couples, but this board short circuits the second someone makes a thread about how to get a non-black woman. And if the few black men who post themselves with their gfs/wives on r/interracialdating are anything to go by, I don't think I'd want their advice. We really need to talk about how so many black men have low standards.I don't know what's more infuriating, as far as interracial dating goes, the fact that black men have this unidirectional love for black women and then try to guilt or gatekeep or are incompetent and unhelpful in this situation-orThe fact that other races of women have the nerve to be offended or weirded out by the "do you like black guys" question when they know damn well that they'd be offended or even frightened if a black man asked them out. I'm actually hoping this reaches another sub so I can see their responses. I can already envision it now.Asian women will call it fetishizing because a non-white man had the gall to find her attractive, Hispanic women will pretend like they don't call us slurs in spanish for approaching them as soon as we're out of sight, and white women will pretend like they aren't scared of us and don't laugh about it with their friends.----Most black men aren't light skin, chiseled, have a full hair line, and have eurocentric facial features all in one. exceptionally good looks is more of a requirement for us when it isn't for these white dudes. Of course the average black chick is going to choose the above guy over an average dusty looking white dude. But an average looking white dude is more likely to get responses than an average looking black dude (hell, that same black dude can even be moderately handsome and clean too).The same thing, if not worse, goes for the other races of women too______________________________________
Comments
Post a Comment
Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.