/u/AnExhaustedSocialist on Telling potential partners can be kinda nerve-wracking (っ•﹏•) [OC]

Well you see, if someone really and truly wants to be with you, then compromise to make you comfortable as you are will be included in the relationship; I would say so long as you’re not sex repulsed and you’re willing to do it occasionally (we might once or twice a month most time), the right person would be willing to overlook that they’re not being physically intimate as much as they might like.

You’ve already got the right idea by saying you don’t understand their desires, but the same goes vice versa; most allo partners are gonna have to be willing to do some research and some serious understanding to make it work. We’ve found (we’re still together here, just got married and we’re going on 9 years) that a lot of intimate contact can be a good substitute in place of sexually intimacy; it really fills the physical deficit, lots of hugging/kissing/reaffirmation for the allo partner. I would say most Allo people feel like sex completes the relationship because of tying sexuality to their ego/desirability; we feel like it’s a lack of “love” or being wanted by our partner because that’s how society spins it. That leads into the next big thing; communication is more important than almost anything in the relationship.

You’ve got to be open and talk constantly about what you want, how to reach that, wether you’re feeling neglected/violated, boundaries, etc. I feel like resentment can build pretty easy if these things aren’t talked out; you gotta find mutual understanding of each other’s feelings, at least to the best of your ability. Mutual respect is huge.

I guess what I mostly mean to say, is that it is a lot of work to maintain an allo/ace relationship. But I promise, it can work and it can be a beautiful, wonderful thing. I’d never trade my wife for anything in the world even though sometimes we have our difficulties , and love is love. The right person will treat you with respect and dignity, and they’ll respect the boundaries of your asexuality :)

November 25, 2022 at 11:25PM