How long into dating do I stop seeing my ex?

So I (F21) been seeing my ex (M22) since I was 16 (now 21). We’ve been on and off from basically a year into the relationship. It was a toxic, physically abusive relationship. I still see my ex basically everyday and it kind of is like we’re in a relationship in way. Thought this year I’ve discovered him talking to one girl continuously, not multiple, 3 separate times. The talking to the specific girls would go on for a couple of month and I never knew, I have been near other people through the time I’ve been involved with him. Anyway, one of the girls he was speaking to and I seen was talking everyday, showering with compliments, asking to meet etc. even though we’re not together, to me this looked like an initiation of a relationship of sorts. When confronted I asked him to remove her as he was seeing me, he argued for hours begging me not to tell her and that he’d rather not see me and continue things with her. He look this back at a later date and I messaged her to tell her the situation. She seemed to have followed girl code but however carried on talking to him. I found exchanged pictures and them talking regularly for 3 weeks after I’d already found out. I realised after this that if he’d choice seeing another girl over me I was getting used. I can say honestly at that time I wouldn’t pick anyone over him or start speaking to someone seriously. So I decided to go on date with someone I met off tinder (M24). The date went really well and we spent this night in a hotel I’m getting from the person I’ve been seeing, makes me realise how much that is lacking in my current situation with my ex. We arranged to go for another date and get a hotel on the weekend. I’m planning on telling my ex I’m starting to see someone but I’m scared about putting all my eggs in one basket. This is selfish I know. I don’t feel guilty about my ex as he’s shown me that’s what he’d do. However, on the boy I’m seeing I don’t want things to be ruined or feel like I haven’t been honest from the start, which I know I haven’t but the main question is, how much loyalty do I owe him? We’ve been on 5 dates so far but have been talking about the future a lot. I feel like I need and want to break things off with my ex before things get too messy, however nothing is official and things have only got pretty serious in the past couple of days but I feel things are moving fast into the ‘seeing someone’ stage and I don’t want to be two timing anyone. I need some serious advice without judgement please. Be as honest as needs be.



Submitted November 02, 2022 at 12:12AM

So I (F21) been seeing my ex (M22) since I was 16 (now 21). We’ve been on and off from basically a year into the relationship. It was a toxic, physically abusive relationship. I still see my ex basically everyday and it kind of is like we’re in a relationship in way. Thought this year I’ve discovered him talking to one girl continuously, not multiple, 3 separate times. The talking to the specific girls would go on for a couple of month and I never knew, I have been near other people through the time I’ve been involved with him. Anyway, one of the girls he was speaking to and I seen was talking everyday, showering with compliments, asking to meet etc. even though we’re not together, to me this looked like an initiation of a relationship of sorts. When confronted I asked him to remove her as he was seeing me, he argued for hours begging me not to tell her and that he’d rather not see me and continue things with her. He look this back at a later date and I messaged her to tell her the situation. She seemed to have followed girl code but however carried on talking to him. I found exchanged pictures and them talking regularly for 3 weeks after I’d already found out. I realised after this that if he’d choice seeing another girl over me I was getting used. I can say honestly at that time I wouldn’t pick anyone over him or start speaking to someone seriously. So I decided to go on date with someone I met off tinder (M24). The date went really well and we spent this night in a hotel I’m getting from the person I’ve been seeing, makes me realise how much that is lacking in my current situation with my ex. We arranged to go for another date and get a hotel on the weekend. I’m planning on telling my ex I’m starting to see someone but I’m scared about putting all my eggs in one basket. This is selfish I know. I don’t feel guilty about my ex as he’s shown me that’s what he’d do. However, on the boy I’m seeing I don’t want things to be ruined or feel like I haven’t been honest from the start, which I know I haven’t but the main question is, how much loyalty do I owe him? We’ve been on 5 dates so far but have been talking about the future a lot. I feel like I need and want to break things off with my ex before things get too messy, however nothing is official and things have only got pretty serious in the past couple of days but I feel things are moving fast into the ‘seeing someone’ stage and I don’t want to be two timing anyone. I need some serious advice without judgement please. Be as honest as needs be.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more