How long into dating do I stop seeing my ex?

So I (F21) been seeing my ex (M22) since I was 16 (now 21). We’ve been on and off from basically a year into the relationship. It was a toxic, physically abusive relationship. I still see my ex basically everyday and it kind of is like we’re in a relationship in way. Thought this year I’ve discovered him talking to one girl continuously, not multiple, 3 separate times. The talking to the specific girls would go on for a couple of month and I never knew, I have been near other people through the time I’ve been involved with him. Anyway, one of the girls he was speaking to and I seen was talking everyday, showering with compliments, asking to meet etc. even though we’re not together, to me this looked like an initiation of a relationship of sorts. When confronted I asked him to remove her as he was seeing me, he argued for hours begging me not to tell her and that he’d rather not see me and continue things with her. He look this back at a later date and I messaged her to tell her the situation. She seemed to have followed girl code but however carried on talking to him. I found exchanged pictures and them talking regularly for 3 weeks after I’d already found out. I realised after this that if he’d choice seeing another girl over me I was getting used. I can say honestly at that time I wouldn’t pick anyone over him or start speaking to someone seriously. So I decided to go on date with someone I met off tinder (M24). The date went really well and we spent this night in a hotel I’m getting from the person I’ve been seeing, makes me realise how much that is lacking in my current situation with my ex. We arranged to go for another date and get a hotel on the weekend. I’m planning on telling my ex I’m starting to see someone but I’m scared about putting all my eggs in one basket. This is selfish I know. I don’t feel guilty about my ex as he’s shown me that’s what he’d do. However, on the boy I’m seeing I don’t want things to be ruined or feel like I haven’t been honest from the start, which I know I haven’t but the main question is, how much loyalty do I owe him? We’ve been on 5 dates so far but have been talking about the future a lot. I feel like I need and want to break things off with my ex before things get too messy, however nothing is official and things have only got pretty serious in the past couple of days but I feel things are moving fast into the ‘seeing someone’ stage and I don’t want to be two timing anyone. I need some serious advice without judgement please. Be as honest as needs be.

Submitted November 02, 2022 at 12:12AM

So I (F21) been seeing my ex (M22) since I was 16 (now 21). We’ve been on and off from basically a year into the relationship. It was a toxic, physically abusive relationship. I still see my ex basically everyday and it kind of is like we’re in a relationship in way. Thought this year I’ve discovered him talking to one girl continuously, not multiple, 3 separate times. The talking to the specific girls would go on for a couple of month and I never knew, I have been near other people through the time I’ve been involved with him. Anyway, one of the girls he was speaking to and I seen was talking everyday, showering with compliments, asking to meet etc. even though we’re not together, to me this looked like an initiation of a relationship of sorts. When confronted I asked him to remove her as he was seeing me, he argued for hours begging me not to tell her and that he’d rather not see me and continue things with her. He look this back at a later date and I messaged her to tell her the situation. She seemed to have followed girl code but however carried on talking to him. I found exchanged pictures and them talking regularly for 3 weeks after I’d already found out. I realised after this that if he’d choice seeing another girl over me I was getting used. I can say honestly at that time I wouldn’t pick anyone over him or start speaking to someone seriously. So I decided to go on date with someone I met off tinder (M24). The date went really well and we spent this night in a hotel I’m getting from the person I’ve been seeing, makes me realise how much that is lacking in my current situation with my ex. We arranged to go for another date and get a hotel on the weekend. I’m planning on telling my ex I’m starting to see someone but I’m scared about putting all my eggs in one basket. This is selfish I know. I don’t feel guilty about my ex as he’s shown me that’s what he’d do. However, on the boy I’m seeing I don’t want things to be ruined or feel like I haven’t been honest from the start, which I know I haven’t but the main question is, how much loyalty do I owe him? We’ve been on 5 dates so far but have been talking about the future a lot. I feel like I need and want to break things off with my ex before things get too messy, however nothing is official and things have only got pretty serious in the past couple of days but I feel things are moving fast into the ‘seeing someone’ stage and I don’t want to be two timing anyone. I need some serious advice without judgement please. Be as honest as needs be.