Women often like to sleep with me, but rarely want to date me (28M)

So about 90% of the time after a first date the next morning I get some variation of this text “hey you were great and I had a really good time, but I just don’t feel a connection”. This has been a problem for at least 5 of the 10 years I’ve been active in dating. I have had three ex-girlfriends (ranging from 2 months to a year long relationship), but according to them I seemed to be the first “good guy” they dated. I have had bad dates, where it was clear they or me said something and it wasn’t going to work. That’s like 10% of the time. Mostly things go well and just no second date. I don’t have a lot of dealbreakers or red flags so I’ve dated a variety of different women. Race, religion, income-level, culture, politics, don’t bother me as long as they are attractive and I like their personality. For context I’m a white southern atheist, center-to-center-right personally (I vote center-left). I love sports, exercising, and being in the outdoors, but I also love history, video games, movies, and TV shows. I’ve worked a lot of different jobs (retail, ocean lifeguard, campus recreation) when I was in undergrad studying history/political science. I travelled around the US and the world, as well as living/working overseas. I just finished my Masters degree and my career has mostly been in education and/or environmental research. My friends tell me my biggest flaws can be that I can be too passionate about certain subjects, difficult to read, hard to relate to, and at times odd. I try to make a date feel as relaxed and as comfortable as possible with me, but it feels like no matter what I say or do I get the same text. Honestly when I sleep with someone they usually want to see me once or twice more (but just for sex).

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(Please don’t comment “Oh I’m sure you’ll find someone”. I have, three times. I just want to know what I’m doing that’s makes me undesirable partner material for the majority of the time)



Submitted September 13, 2022 at 11:58PM

So about 90% of the time after a first date the next morning I get some variation of this text “hey you were great and I had a really good time, but I just don’t feel a connection”. This has been a problem for at least 5 of the 10 years I’ve been active in dating. I have had three ex-girlfriends (ranging from 2 months to a year long relationship), but according to them I seemed to be the first “good guy” they dated. I have had bad dates, where it was clear they or me said something and it wasn’t going to work. That’s like 10% of the time. Mostly things go well and just no second date. I don’t have a lot of dealbreakers or red flags so I’ve dated a variety of different women. Race, religion, income-level, culture, politics, don’t bother me as long as they are attractive and I like their personality. For context I’m a white southern atheist, center-to-center-right personally (I vote center-left). I love sports, exercising, and being in the outdoors, but I also love history, video games, movies, and TV shows. I’ve worked a lot of different jobs (retail, ocean lifeguard, campus recreation) when I was in undergrad studying history/political science. I travelled around the US and the world, as well as living/working overseas. I just finished my Masters degree and my career has mostly been in education and/or environmental research. My friends tell me my biggest flaws can be that I can be too passionate about certain subjects, difficult to read, hard to relate to, and at times odd. I try to make a date feel as relaxed and as comfortable as possible with me, but it feels like no matter what I say or do I get the same text. Honestly when I sleep with someone they usually want to see me once or twice more (but just for sex).​(Please don’t comment “Oh I’m sure you’ll find someone”. I have, three times. I just want to know what I’m doing that’s makes me undesirable partner material for the majority of the time)
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