He says he doesn't want a partner right now, but he acts like one?

So, I've been seeing this guy (we're both 30) for about six weeks, he's very nice and chill. We spend his days off together each week, talk daily, he is very affectionate, and frequently tells me that I'm "good people". We were chatting recently and he said that he's not looking for anything long term right now and that he's still putting himself back together after his long term relationship of 11 years fell apart. It didn't have a good ending, and that he wants to just take things one step at a time. I told him I'm chill with that, I think he's a great guy and we can take our time and see where it goes. I'm really not in any rush and I'm patient. If it works out great if not at least I enjoy our time together.

Then he really emphasized how he's not wanting a partner right now, he's not wanting to be a part of a team. Which, considering he was with someone for so long it makes sense that he wants to learn to stand on his own two feet again. My only confusion is that...he acts like a partner. He's kind, he's carrying, he gives me all his free time, he helps with the cooking, we go grocery shopping, he gets very concerned when I hurt myself (ADHD and I walk into everything) he's very attentive and big into snuggles and physical affection (not just sex) we talk and have open and honest conversations, I pick him up from work, we talk daily... For a guy that doesn't want to be "a partner" right now, be sure acts like one.

My question is this: usually when a guy says "I'm not sure what I want right now/not looking for anything serious right now" you run cuz you know they just want sex or some fun and you'll be ditched once it gets to the "so, where is this going" stage. Does this man just need patients, space, and to take things slow? Is this a rare case of a man just needing to know that they are safe and that I'm not his ex?



Submitted April 15, 2022 at 12:15AM

So, I've been seeing this guy (we're both 30) for about six weeks, he's very nice and chill. We spend his days off together each week, talk daily, he is very affectionate, and frequently tells me that I'm "good people". We were chatting recently and he said that he's not looking for anything long term right now and that he's still putting himself back together after his long term relationship of 11 years fell apart. It didn't have a good ending, and that he wants to just take things one step at a time. I told him I'm chill with that, I think he's a great guy and we can take our time and see where it goes. I'm really not in any rush and I'm patient. If it works out great if not at least I enjoy our time together.Then he really emphasized how he's not wanting a partner right now, he's not wanting to be a part of a team. Which, considering he was with someone for so long it makes sense that he wants to learn to stand on his own two feet again. My only confusion is that...he acts like a partner. He's kind, he's carrying, he gives me all his free time, he helps with the cooking, we go grocery shopping, he gets very concerned when I hurt myself (ADHD and I walk into everything) he's very attentive and big into snuggles and physical affection (not just sex) we talk and have open and honest conversations, I pick him up from work, we talk daily... For a guy that doesn't want to be "a partner" right now, be sure acts like one.My question is this: usually when a guy says "I'm not sure what I want right now/not looking for anything serious right now" you run cuz you know they just want sex or some fun and you'll be ditched once it gets to the "so, where is this going" stage. Does this man just need patients, space, and to take things slow? Is this a rare case of a man just needing to know that they are safe and that I'm not his ex?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more